I come thanking You for Your discipline…I’d be lying if I said I liked it…You know my heart so that’s pointless. Father, help me to take the advice I so readily give others…Help me to listen and do what You want. I don’t want to keep taking the same tests over and over because of rebellion. I’ve been way out of order and I need You to guide me to get back in line with what You told me to do months ago. I can’t do it without You. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
It’s easy to tell everyone else that mustard seed faith is enough to get the job done…it’s been easy for me to tell others to have faith for years…one might think faith was a supernatural gift I held…but God and I know the truth…the truth of how yes, I have walked on water, but my doubt at times has caused me to sink more than once…
In the last few months…I know at least more than ten…Then I wonder to myself…what would happen if I ran out of chances?
Who would suffer because I just couldn’t stomach the reality set before me….Maybe that’s been my problem…Reality…Faith and the Vision God’s given me says one thing and my mind and my eyes see the reality of my circumstances…so I’ve been forced at times to reveal parts of me that I’d rather keep hidden…I’ve been forced to share a portion of my heart that had been locked away for safe-keeping…then I wonder, was I keeping my heart safe or held hostage….
Love’s a funny thing…but not so…I’m realizing how love requires premeditated forgiveness to be unconditional…how treating others the way you want to be treated keeps me repentant more than I wish were necessary…Some of the things I’ve said are irrevocable and then I consider how so many of my actions have been too…yet God still loves me unconditionally.
When I compare His love for me given all He knows of me, I can’t help but offer that same love. I’ve been trying. It’s been hard, but I’m willing. Before now, that had never been the case. Flight was a preferred approach…but I’m actually glad God is making me endure this. How else will I learn. Though I’ve failed at the love thing before, this is different. I want to be here. And then I’m comforted with God’s truth:
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