So I decided to elaborate a bit on the topic of waiting...
I actually planned a whole different post…for real and then I began typing and the Lord decided to teach me a lesson before I could tell you to do the same…
Last year a friend made this comment about her relationship at the time,
“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”
Apparently her biological clock was ticking louder than she cared to hear…
I mean really? We’ve all seen some aspect of a “Bridezilla” whether on the reality show or in reality period so I’m just curious…
Question: Are you on a mission to be married too? I’ve had to even sit down and have a pow wow with myself on this one.
Marriage is a big step…one I’ve been there, done it wrong twice….Do I even want to go there again?
Having worked at a marriage ministry for 2 years, I picked up a few pointers and not so much. I mean, some days I felt more like a counselor than a customer service representative…
Considering all the wedding announcements posted on social media and just as many if not more divorce filings plastered in the papers on a daily basis, I think it’s fair that I post a little info on the matter as well…
A bit of background…
I can’t tell you the number of calls I received from wives calling to purchase “Stepping Up” as a gift for their husbands. Some even called under the guise that their husbands asked them to order it for them. Yeah Right….now some might have been legit, but it was something about the desperation I’d hear in these women’s voices that clued me in otherwise.
Wow…and yes, I admit there were times when I told them point blank, “You might not want to do that.”
These wives really wanted to figure out how they could “make” their husbands be the men they knew they could be. While I felt their plight, I also understood one thing then that I’m actually finding issues with grasping today…”You can’t really change a man.”
Moreover, you really should try to do it either.
Yep, and for the guys….You really can’t change a woman either….
Yeah…just as many men were calling requesting “Fierce Women” as a gift too! Trust, if you are dealing with a fiercely domineering woman, the last thing you want is to give her that book as a “token of your appreciation.”
It won’t be appreciated. In fact, it will likely be the start of a serious verbal assault aka WW3.
And don’t get me started on the nosy mother in laws and over-protective father in laws who completely forgot that once their son or daughter takes a spouse that their work is done:
Eh Hmm….Leave and Cleave ring a Bell Anybody?
I’m not complaining…it was quite comical most days…but sad in the same that so many were searching for answers, but going about getting them all wrong…
Now that I’ve leveled the playing field a bit…of course there are times when we want to see the changes occur…so what’s a guy or gal to do?
No, I’m not talking about one of those like:
“Lord fix him”
“Lord, make her submit.”
I’ve tried that first one and well, it doesn’t work… because at best, I was being selfish…so if I may release a little bit of what I’ve learned so far…
For those engaged or married already
- Pray that God give you a compassionate heart…that the Holy spirit allow you to think on these things first:
This has saved me on many occasions…
Why? Because even if I have been disappointed, thinking of all the good things that my significant other has done or represents helps me separate the fault from him and softens the “blow” my flesh would rather give had I not considered the offense in this manner.
2. Pray that God allow you the grace to react like this:
Taking time to listen to what’s said and even what’s not said makes a difference. We tend to get defensive when we are hurting. Even a dog will snap at his owner when he is in pain. Understand that sometimes it’s necessary to just allow your partner to simmer down and then reconvene the discussion. It’s not a matter of avoidance, rather it’s a good way to avoid saying something that you’d later regret.
3. Pray that God allow you to be able to forgive quickly and unconditionally:
I’ve found that it really helps to actually put yourselves in their shoes. Ask yourself how you would feel if they addressed you aggressively. Moreover, consider how you would feel if the tables were turned completely. I’m having to do this right now so I can attest that it helps.
For those single and seeking
Pray that God make you ready to receive the love you need.
I know that seems simple, but I’ve had to learn that I hadn’t been ready to receive the righteous love God wanted me to have in a marital relationship in the past because I had been unwilling to truly accept God’s love for me first. I also want to point out that I said the love you need and not what you want….there is a difference…
Single Ladies and Gents,
The love you need is not going to be from someone to placate your ever whim either. Rather the love you need will bring out the best in you by any means necessary…yes that includes letting you know occasionally that your stuff stinks too…
With Love of course….still that is no excuse to remain in a co-dependent relationship
Regardless, examine your motives for marriage….it’s ministry!!!
Yep both good marriages and a bad marriages have the potential to spread a message. I know that seems counterproductive to say that about the latter, but what I mean is that people are always watching. If you have children, you have a captive audience so that’s something to think about isn’t it?
That said, if you’re not married yet, take a good hard look at your relationship and consider whether you put that “thang” together yourself or if it was the Lord’s doing!
Yes, I meant to say “thang” and yes I can get country…Memphis is rubbing off on me already…next thing you know I’ll be using words like “junt”
So as I continue my own journey in this matter, if I know nothing else so far, I know my Father still knows best.
©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.