A while ago my prayer for wisdom seemed a simple request. Almost immediately I found myself tested. Questions about relationships, finances, wholeness, and a fruitful spiritual walk arose daily. Ironically, all of which were areas I deemed myself woefully deficient. Yet I was on the receiving end of such anyway. Perhaps those who asked of me knew me better than I knew myself at the time.
There is One who knows me best. God does. He answered my prayer for wisdom and discernment. I expected to wait longer like some of the prayers of years passed. I’m embarrassed to admit the burden I requested…for people to look to me for answers when my own mind seems adrift most days in a sea of known things I desire to forget….
Since that prayer many months ago, conviction has been my constant companion. Discernment has kept me awake many nights and I’ve found myself still unable to grasp the “who” that I am. Instead, my mind has jogged between the must dos and must goes…yet today, my heart stopped.
I had no answers. I didn’t know half of what people expected of me.
Before her illness, I thought I knew His plan. In fact, I thought ours were identical. Yet God’s lacked what mine was full of…Omissions…
- My plan conveniently withheld the discipline required to possess a submissive will.
- My plan included the gifts without the opposition.
- Yes, my plan outlined the desires of a tattered heart, but still passively dismissed that Christ really did have the ability to make it beat again.
- My plan had several emergency exits.
This journey has forced me to rely on God’s provision day by day. So though I resisted before, now, I’ve made the choice to fully surrender my plan to His. I admit I really don’t know the next step! Regardless, there is one thing I am still sure of…without His guidance I simply don’t know enough!
©2015 Nadia Davis. All rights Reserved.
Better Not Bitter 
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