A while ago my prayer for wisdom seemed a simple request.  Almost immediately I found myself tested.  Questions about relationships, finances, wholeness, and a fruitful spiritual walk arose daily.  Ironically, all of which were areas I deemed myself woefully deficient.  Yet I was on the receiving end of such anyway.  Perhaps those who asked of me knew me better than I knew myself at the time.

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There is One who knows me best.  God does. He answered my prayer for wisdom and discernment.  I expected to wait longer like some of the prayers of years passed. I’m embarrassed to admit the burden I requested…for people to look to me for answers when my own mind seems adrift most days in a sea of known things I desire to forget….

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Since that prayer many months ago, conviction has been my constant companion. Discernment has kept me awake  many nights and I’ve found myself still unable to grasp the “who” that I am. Instead, my mind has jogged between the must dos and must goes…yet today, my heart stopped.

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I had no answers.  I didn’t know half of what people expected of me.

Before her illness, I thought I knew His plan. In fact, I thought ours were identical.  Yet God’s lacked what mine was full of…Omissions…

  • My plan conveniently withheld the discipline required to possess a submissive will.  
  • My plan included the gifts without the opposition.  
  • Yes, my plan outlined the desires of a tattered heart, but still passively dismissed that Christ really did have the ability to make it beat again.
  • My plan had several emergency exits.  

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This journey has forced me to rely on God’s provision day by day.  So though I resisted before, now, I’ve made the choice to fully surrender my plan to His.  I admit I really don’t know the next step!  Regardless, there is one thing I am still sure of…without His guidance I simply don’t know enough!

©2015 Nadia Davis.  All rights Reserved.