I really have never been fond of wearing a lot of make up…especially in the summer…for those ladies who have naturally oily skin like I do…it’s a nightmare…However, for years I have covered myself with the stuff…I know my worth, but covering perceived physical flaws are so much easier to address than the emotional ones I suppose.
Since make up can’t cover internal issues, I opted for a mask instead. That was my norm for too long.
Yet, afraid that my vulnerability would cause rejection, I used to clam up. Fear prevented me from being fully open to God and people. I thought I was protecting my life, but I was dying inside.
I’m glad God allowed me the grace to address those other issues because now I really could care less whether someone rejects me for being me or not. I actually consider their rejection of me their loss. Granted, I still have a few reservations I am working through, but I can breath so much easier focusing more on who God’s called me to be rather than faking the part to gain popularity with people.
Oddly enough, before getting to this place, I guess I hadn’t paid attention to my physical self much either. I failed to notice the results of my transition…that as God’s grace was changing my inner-being my outward appearance was becoming more beautiful as well…
I knew how to accept compliments, but I was still caught up in the routine of covering…my face and my heart.
Even now as I look in the mirror, I see how physical scars have faded from the times in the past that I’d gone outside unprotected and got burned…how the surface of my skin is smooth and balanced again.
The idea of balance got me to thinking about the processes in my life. Regardless of what I encounter physically or otherwise, I know I’m protected. This is wholeness. This is fearlessness. This is courage to be who I am despite the odds against me.
Now I am in the place I heard about but never really acknowledged. Though I had access to this place through God’s unfailing love, I hadn’t been willing to open that door until about six weeks ago. So yes, this full wholeness is a recent and welcome transformation.
Could it be that I was so comfortable wearing my masks that I failed to see that God had already answered my prayers? He’d already planted “real friends” in my life. He’d already provided my Joseph. He’d already shown me my purpose.
Had I been the one who refused to look beyond the reflection,crafted by years of praying and studying God’s word? Had I?
I had, but thankfully not anymore.
I’m so grateful for God’s patience with me. Finally, I can breathe easy.