The Beat of Forgiveness

So the other day I had a moment…of hysterics some might say…of desperation others might insist…of uncertainty and humility I admit…still so relevant is my peace…calm in this storm…helps me rejoice in the ability to slip on shoes I hadn’t worn before.

This place Am I meant to remain? Am I to go there?

Confusion has no place in this mind or heart…reminded where Christ dwells…the accuser must part.

The evil one has not been granted access.

Yet, that trickster tried. Anger was my response, but then I considered what words would I have if I had no words to utter?

How frustrated would I have been if I couldn’t offer cover?

Due unto others…the thing I’d want done, but what if my only reference be that of a Son?

Would I dare understand, how desperate his desire is to escape…The complex thrust upon him against his will…Would I be so willing to foot the bill?

Kindness squandered as so many had done to me before, I imagine he and I share this plague…so grieved…grieve I might…like mine years of fighting taught his  heart to prefer flight…reasoning through depressive feats without strength to muster…I suppose I too would choose not to trust her…or be loved…or be liked…or be satisfied or be fulfilled…yet, he still wonders is forgiveness for me from she an option…have I failed already because my mind’s concocted all sorts of blame and irresponsibilities that mirror too many I’ve seen before…too many disappointments met at love’s door…too close what his mother bore…a choice made…stay comfortable in my discomforting bubble…amid my kind of trouble…that which I am King…for too long I’d forgotten my Center…yet expected to mentor…and counsel he has…forgive quickly…don’t allow a bitter seed take root…examine their fruit…observe their motives.. ask God and stop reading books to decide if with her you are to reside…if with him you can let go of your pride…your shame…your mistakes…two as one…nakedness a must…no masks no make up…but God and trust…circumstances cloudy…storms back to back…clipping your wings is only temporary…a must if one intends to marry…consistent humility and honest conversation…friendship bonded without hesitation…but still cold hands can’t feel what’s been placed there…is it then even received? A heart thawed still bleeds…but what sound does it make when tragedy dines without invitation…the thump proceeds without jubilation…skipping its good intention…thrown off course…advice with feelings is of no recourse. So I must lay to rest my sanctified imagination…and love still…though from a distance…my best way to resist… a complicated situation…to be sure and eradicate this infatuation…angry no…thought I thought I might be. So I questioned My Father…how can I explain what my heart and mind has allowed in consensus? An answer upon  waking, ” Good morning daughter, welcome to the beat of forgiveness.”

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