Hmmm…well considering that the title of my blog is Better Not Bitter, I understand my obligation to forgive quickly. That was not always the case of course. Holding grudges was my middle name and I even thought for a time that doing so made me happy…I was so wrong.
That said, it’s only fair that I share my steps to doing so. Obviously, I ranted yesterday a bit about my recent break up and relational issues. However, I am satisfied with my decision to end things and I have peace that I made the right decision. Though admittedly, at the time of the phone call, I had no idea what I was going to say until it was said. Now I had played the scenario out in my head for most of that day before, but I know that as cut and dry as my response seemed. It was all that was necessary to get my point across. There was no need to yell or argue…to mope or to beg. Drama is best left to the big and small screen, not my life.
I noticed that while I am happy that things are over and said to myself that I have no hard feelings towards my former beau, today I relented the latter part of that statement.
I was angry all over again.
But angry at what or with whom you might ask?
Part of me could answer that my beef was with myself or with him, but for a moment, I believe I was upset with God. I recalled how I had feverishly combed His word to ensure that I was proceeding in the right direction and how I prayed so much about the things we endured together.
I realized suddenly, it had to happen this way. With that, I repent for my ill feelings towards my Father, who still knows best. I realize that I like so many of you may have done, read too much into the situation. As Jesus often pointed out with the Pharisees, I picked apart the word for the words themselves at times…literally…instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to guide me every time.
I’m sure that even though things were uncomfortable that I needed to remain there for that time…I needed to go through all these emotional dips and flips so that I could better assess the situations of others while tweaking my own intentions. I would not have been able to identity the importance of receiving what I need in a husband in lieu of what I thought I wanted had we not been together for a time.
So do I regret our time? No, not anymore. I don’t consider it a waste of time either because I’m sure both of us learned some valuable lessons.
Do I harness ill will for him…not in the least.. I want him to prosper and with that perhaps I was his distraction too. Perhaps, the things God had deemed for this son’s assignment were misaligned because I came into the picture. So with that, perhaps not all distractions are bad…So instead of considering our relationship a complete distraction, I concede that it was just a temporary inconvenience.
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