When my hair isn’t done, I wear more make up

I heard for years that less is more. Yet, there are times when I can’t help but overdo stuff for no particular reason. I suppose I can’t really say there’s no reason. I mean considering the title of this post for instance…It was just an observation  I made while looking in the mirror one day last week. I suppose that passing thought could have happened today had something not changed.

So today I don my faithful ponytail and no mascara. Yes, I lined my eyes with this really cool iridescent blue just because I like it.  I can say it’s been a while since I’d done something  just because I wanted to…yes I know I shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition fellow grammarians …that’s why I love ellipses so much…so there…

When I made the comment it was just a passing thought… I thought I needed to add to one area of myself  to distract another I felt self conscious about…

I guess that’s why so many girls plaster half naked pics on Instagram and Facebook…hoping that someone will notice…anyone  will notice…never realizing that by taking it all off they’re only trying to covering it all up…the hurt, the abuse, the low self-esteem, the feelings of worthlessness, the depression…all of which I’ve danced with…Until the other night I thought I could dismantle  my own strongholds …

Yet, I loathed that me…the me that thought such random foolishness as “When my hair isn’t done, I should wear more make-up.” I did because I knew it never was me, but in my own strength I was powerless against what I wanted to hear people say.

A shell…

I wanted the compliments for my outward appearance so I could deny the things in me that needed to change.

Yet somewhere between midnight and morning of yesterday, I changed my mind…my heart…my attitude… I admitted the fears I’d had and I woke up free.  I can’t really explain the confidence I have right now…I just know I’m different.  I know I’ll never be in that place again.  I just know  who I am.

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