It’s simply baffling that this post did not come to mind before now…a time when I should be sound asleep so I can be at least partially present in church later…yet, if I must be honest, I know why it had not occurred to me before…for the same reason the obvious has escaped me time and time again…PRIDE. Yet, my pride lately has taken drastic measures to conceal itself since I began dying to myself sometime ago. While it would seem my plight grew easier…the manner in which I suffered that is…all along Pride had morphed into a cross between unworthiness and fear. Who knew all along I packed these hidden cohorts with me on a daily basis…never fully grasping the reason God continually urged me to be strong and courageous. How much stronger could I become? I’ve lost everything, yet I still smile…even my beloved Guardian and Angel were taken and I left my tears with them at the shelter. How dare I be accused of having an ounce of pride left? So it decided to transform because it realized I had no use for it as it was…but pride must be more clever than it’s been…I’ve rested…I’m being revived…I’ve tasted fearlessness before and like a rabid dog has an insatiable desire for blood once it’s sampled it, I too desire satisfaction.
Desires of this heart had been muffled because the pain seemed unbearable once. Yet wounds need exposure…then, healing is inevitable…so it had not occurred to be to just ask My Father for myself…to ask Him to make me fruitful and that my words multiply…to make me wealthy inside and out…to make me shine like the sun in those times that seem so dark…to give me wisdom to say no and to be assured in my response…to allow me to completely and effortlessly fall in love with Jesus all over again with every breath…to remove the calluses from my heart to allow the love of others in as well…to transform my pain into praise…my tears into triumph…my isolation into inspiration…so Father in the name of Jesus, I just ask.
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