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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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Domestic Violence

Clearly a Time to Rest

I’ve been locked in a tug of war emotionally, spiritually, and physically for a few weeks now.  However, until this moment I assumed that I wouldn’t need to revisit this place of uncertainty again.

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This restlessness has me tossing and turning while I’m wide awake. I tire of the things that used to keep me occupied…I’m growing in ways that I’ve admired in others and still I sometimes find myself as child…desiring the care of My Father more than ever. I am a Daddy’s girl indefinitely.  And then it happened. I was running full speed ahead and all of a sudden I’m tired….when creative juices are flowing in all directions…I’m told to take a pause…when I’m more confident than ever…I’m required to Be Still.

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So since I would not willingly do that, a headache sent me to bed early last night…the spark released from the barrel and the pop that followed woke me from my daze…ignited a new response to my understanding…My why…chiseled out of what should have been fear, but laced instead with determination to get out of here…to leave this place…to take them with me…to lead them from here…with latent tears I recorded and listened to the words my Father imposed on my heart explaining my reason for dying…my passion and fervor to help ladies all over this planet understand who they are and whose they are…to encourage them to see themselves as God’s best and not what they had been called by those who knew no better…even when that label was placed upon themselves by themselves…images (5)

Labels-sticky and hard to remove, but not an impossible task…an apt solvent need only be applied ..could words be that remedy?  Don’t magnets attract and repel?

So perhaps, I’m to use my words to do the same…to attract the right and repel the wrong…I’ll use my words to clear the paths of the broken…those who believe they are unworthy of God’s best because of their unintentional past…

An Expected End…to prosper us…that was God’s intention…yet our will allowed us to take a left that we surmised was right…still I’ve come full circle…

Little do we know our mess had already been factored into the promise…that our testimony would be irrelevant if we hadn’t been there too…that the deliverance of others is stuck between our past and our future…that even our pit is for purpose.

I’ve allowed rest to win this tug of war…to surrender my will for His…to be filled before I pour so that when I leave here, I won’t be traveling alone. Rather, I’ll be leading others who also know who and whose they are.

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I’m Pissed! My Misery is My Ministry

This is the face of a victim: DEAD

 

This is the face of another victim, her assailant:fOOL

Amazing how he already had a mug shot or two floating in the system……

The first picture was once a mother of two young girls.Her body was found the other day only minutes from my apartment.  The report says that the children were returned without harm obviously before the worse could be done to her.  How could they assume no harm was done to the children? I mean even if their mother was alive at the time they were let go, they will still have mental and emotional scars.   My son was four years old when he witnessed me being beaten!  Only now have I even considered that it wasn’t just one punch after all…that he did repeatedly punch me.  As if a broken nose weren’t enough, my glasses and the coffee table had to match I suppose.  He’s 18 now and still remembers.

There was definitely harm done. There was definitely a reason for alarm.  Obviously I am angry with this situation, but not just because of the outcome.  I’m angry because I know that there were signs.

There were signs I ignored in the beginning.  I guess I even ignored them up until that last night.  Even now as I recall events,  I tried to seek help to no avail.  On a day that should have been one of my happiest, it was one of my most miserable.  I had just graduated from the University of Memphis with my BA in Communications.  That afternoon I had been warned.  My mother flat out told me in the parking lot after the ceremony, “Mark my words, that “n” word is gonna kick your a$$!” I didn’t want her to be right.  Yet, mere hours later, I found myself running down the hall trying to barricade myself in the bathroom to get away from my mother’s “rightness.”  He didn’t punch me, but he grabbed me by the back of my neck and forced me to the ground.  I was seven months pregnant with his daughter.  I don’t recall his words, but I remember being grateful that my son was a hard sleeper then.

Now, however,  he wakes at the slightest noise.  He’s never awaken without a start.  His other 12 year old daughter witnessed this first fight.  Even she asked me on occasion, “Why are you with my daddy?”

He took me to the hospital that night because I faked contractions.  I thought that if I could just get in the public I could get help.  Still, he was more clever than I assumed. The nurses thought he was just concerned about my and the baby’s welfare, but he only wanted to stay close enough to prevent me from telling the truth.  I wonder if Zeneatrice Crawford had tried to tell her truth before she was brutally murdered by this monster.  I felt like the nurses’ staff failed me that night.  I suppose much like I thought the Memphis Police Dept failed me on 05/08/2003.  I’m more convinced now however, the fallacies that interfered with my safety were no fault of the people involved, but of the system that wasn’t.

This story and so many others like it have pierced my heart to its core and I’m tired of just saying what I will do. I’m going to do what I’m going to do. There are too many ways to provide the right help and I understand now why certain logical ways hadn’t been in place before.  I’m supposed to bring it together. My why is simple: because it’s not okay.

©2016-2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Another One Bites the Dust

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I really thought that I was done writing about this subject, but of course, God has decided otherwise. I saw the article the other day about Christian rocker Trey Pearson coming out to his fans in an emotional letter and tried to ignore it. For those who have been following my blog a while you may recall a few posts I wrote about homosexuality and Christianity. For those who have not, here are the links to those posts:

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/04/28/newsflash-god-loves-homosexuals-too/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/06/29/can-a-christian-be-gay/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/05/23/grace-for-the-gay-life/

So I felt the need to revisit the topic again anyway because it seems that we Christians are definitely split on the issue. I admit that at times I have even been split myself. I don’t condone the lifestyle. However, neither do I condemn it. I used to wonder why on earth a woman would choose to be with another woman who looks and acts like a man. I used to wonder why on earth a man would be with another man who looks and acts like a woman. And I really had no intention of ever writing about the transgender public toilet issue, but as I learn to be more obedient to the Holy Spirit I realize I have little choice in at least bringing the issue to light.

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I wondered initially why in the world would God place this title on my heart.  It seems so heartless, but I realized that I had heard the song, knew it was an oldie, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics before.  I found an interesting parallel to it and the way we seem to treat people of faith who admit their truth to the world.  Check it out here:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queen/anotheronebitesthedust.html

I couldn’t help but consider the way we gun down our own so quickly.  Now granted, initially I was disturbed by the headline about Trey Pearson. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I said I was initially disturbed. However, I suppose I was most disturbed by it because I’ve known so many people over the years who have battled with the cover up.  It helped me feel more comfortable with the content of the remainder of this post when I saw the snippets of his interview from the View.

And when I say the “cover up” I don’t mean just covering homosexual desires.  I mean any type of secret sins.  You know the church girl who’s really addicted to sex, the deacon who really has a drug problem, the minister who’s committed adultery multiple times, and yes, the Christian struggling with homosexuality among others.

It seems the church is the only place where we kill our wounded.

Well, about the “coming out issue.”  A while ago, I befriended a young lady and we hit it off great. I’ve never been ashamed of discussing Jesus with anyone and let my kids tell it, I “make everything about Jesus!”  I used to shrink back because of them saying things like this, but hey I do and I will continue to do so.  Of course I’m not bashing folk over the head with the bible, but somehow I tell a little of my testimony everywhere I go.  I guess when you have lived through as much as I have gratitude just seeps.

Anyway, this young lady was married and had a 15-month old daughter when we met.  We’ve since lost touch and that’s really the only reason I feel comfortable sharing this.  a9974907b605006c10dca8a9239c9c88

At the time, I immediately noticed the smile on her face didn’t match the sadness in her eyes when she spoke. It was a façade.  However, at the time, I thought her mask was one hiding domestic violence and not that she had been  struggling with homosexuality.  As a matter of fact, in our first interaction, I mentioned this blog and I commented about how God was allowing me to minister in the strangest ways to all sorts of people. She is a Christian too.

For the record, Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with religion. It is a relationship with God through Christ!

Moving on….

I recall now that at some point in that initial interaction I mentioned I had been called to even assist those struggling with homosexuality, but I hadn’t understood how yet…that I really believe that avenue will be handled by my son as noted in one of the posts above.  I guess I was in my talkative zone and didn’t notice her gaze at that moment.d4c77a23ae75d87212a22a76bdb183a8

Fast forward a few months…we only spoke a  few more times when I’d talked with her about my writing, my kids, my desire to visit Nigeria to which she mentioned that her husband is Nigerian.  Well, the last contact I had with her struck me.  Though it had been a while since we spoke.  I guess seminary had me touch and go.  Anyway, I knew that God put her on my heart for a reason so I texted her to see how she was doing. She quickly responded that she had been going through.  I felt the need to send a message something like: “If you just need someone to listen, I’m here.  No judgement.”

Boy was I in for a surprise!  I just knew she was going to say something about her husband hitting her or some junk, but she dropped this bomb instead:  “My husband found some nude photos of a woman in my phone and I was entertaining it.  He knows that I was sexually involved with women before we got together.  He is really hurt.”

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I just sat in the parking lot in awe.  However, my response  to her admission was that nothing is too hard for God and then I found myself sharing what I am about to share here with you.  “Well, we have all slipped out of God’s will, and while I have never been in a lesbian situation, I have no idea how many men I have slept with! Yes, it’s been that many! If God’s grace could cover me, He could change anyone.” She responded with relief and gratitude.  I prayed for her and her marriage.  I prayed for God’s mercy and His guidance. However, most importantly before I ended our conversation I made sure that she knew that God loves her and that I did also.

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I’m only sharing this now because I lost touch with her after that and I feel that someone out there needs to know this.

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I hope and pray that things are going well for her now, but only God knows the outcome of that scenario. What I do know is the outcome of my scenario and what I have observed so far in this scenario with Trey Pearson.

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He is being exactly who he believes God made him to be.  It’s really not for us to understand his mind and heart. As for that acquaintance, she was obviously struggling with a sexual situation or even a soul tie. That in itself is from the enemy just as I had been. I used sex as an outlet because I didn’t even understand how much I was worth.

Now I did notice that Trey mentioned that he had been “attracted” to men since adolescence.  It seems that it would have a sexual aspect to it on the surface, but who knows? God does and yes He will judge accordingly.  Regardless, he will also judge everyone else for the lies, fornication, adultery, idolatry, murder, etc.  No sin is bigger than another, but all too often we surely try to make it that way, don’t we?

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I don’t condone homosexuality.  I’ve just grown in my faith enough to know that sometimes the only way to persuade others from the error of their ways is to love them through it.  That’s what Christ did for me and to me.  In fact, I was the main one condemning myself and then He allowed me to put myself in the place of the women caught in the act of adultery…oh yeah, I’ve been there and done that too..TWICE!!!  So I guess if I could end this post with anything that needs to be said it would be what Jesus said to her/me:

John 8:8-11 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Then He stooped down again and started writing on the ground. They listened [to His reply], and they began to go out one by one, starting with the oldest ones, until He was left alone, with the woman [standing there before Him] in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]

BAM!!! And  there it is folks.  I figure I should let that whole deliverance from sexual and relational addictions out there before the enemy has the nerve to think that I care about the things I’ve done in my past.  However, I realize that I’m no longer ashamed because I’ve been delivered from the desire to “need” an illicit relationship to feel complete.  That’s what true wholeness it about.  I’ve finally got it and I’m not giving it up for anybody.

confident one I just love this pic of me!!!

All that said, when it comes to people who struggle with sin regardless of whether it is on display or covered, we as Christians are not called to condemn them.  We are to love them so at least then another one doesn’t have to bite the dust.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

When my hair isn’t done, I wear more make up

I heard for years that less is more. Yet, there are times when I can’t help but overdo stuff for no particular reason. I suppose I can’t really say there’s no reason. I mean considering the title of this post for instance…It was just an observation  I made while looking in the mirror one day last week. I suppose that passing thought could have happened today had something not changed.

So today I don my faithful ponytail and no mascara. Yes, I lined my eyes with this really cool iridescent blue just because I like it.  I can say it’s been a while since I’d done something  just because I wanted to…yes I know I shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition fellow grammarians …that’s why I love ellipses so much…so there…

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When I made the comment it was just a passing thought… I thought I needed to add to one area of myself  to distract another I felt self conscious about…

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I guess that’s why so many girls plaster half naked pics on Instagram and Facebook…hoping that someone will notice…anyone  will notice…never realizing that by taking it all off they’re only trying to covering it all up…the hurt, the abuse, the low self-esteem, the feelings of worthlessness, the depression…all of which I’ve danced with…Until the other night I thought I could dismantle  my own strongholds …

Yet, I loathed that me…the me that thought such random foolishness as “When my hair isn’t done, I should wear more make-up.” I did because I knew it never was me, but in my own strength I was powerless against what I wanted to hear people say.

A shell…

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I wanted the compliments for my outward appearance so I could deny the things in me that needed to change.

Yet somewhere between midnight and morning of yesterday, I changed my mind…my heart…my attitude… I admitted the fears I’d had and I woke up free.  I can’t really explain the confidence I have right now…I just know I’m different.  I know I’ll never be in that place again.  I just know  who I am.

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©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

So I’m single again…just call me Rachel

Random info…continue at your own risk…unedited so yes there are typos…

“Uh huh…I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. It’s not God’s will so this is goodbye.”

I know…I know…it seems like something straight out of a Hallmark movie channel script, right? well, it’s not…at least not yet.

Those were the words I said two days ago to the man I assumed would be my husband when he called.

I know I’d made the decision to end things in my heart weeks if not months ago over and over.  I just couldn’t seem to make my mind and mouth cooperate until that very moment.

I’d considered a bunch over the passed few months…how I felt about him…how I’d been tested in forgiveness and loyalty…how I’d explored the extent of Godly submission. I thought originally I’d just been rebellious…that the Jezebel  spirit I thought was buried had resurfaced….I didn’t realize until Monday morning that I was wrong…that the conflict I’d experienced wasn’t internal as much as it was external…that I hadn’t yet decided to remove the yoke that had me bound…that I’d had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach about him for a reason. He was a man of God, yet still a fatal distraction.

I can almost applaud satan for his cunning if I didn’t hate him so much.  For several months, I was misled and almost settled…eagerly looking for signs to match what I knew God shared with me…that my gifts needed to first be surrendered at the feet of the man of God…I know God led me to Memphis for a reason…yet all the while, I was misdirected by talk…no real action…promises with no real manifestation.  His attempt to coax me with promises of financial security were never a temptation.  I think I’m sure I loathe an arrogant mind more than idiocy itself.
I thought…maybe I’m out of line…I’m not suppose to challenge…so I tried not to…as days turned into weeks. ..the more I was inspired to write and study God’s word…pictures of me sparked senseless debates about having too many admirers on Facebook and being too busy for him…the desire was expressed that I not work as his wife…that he’d take care of all I needed…yet…since moving here, there was never a time I felt comfortable asking his help…so I struggled in silence…I was humbled I know by God…yet, I learned to have no problem asking for help from others…friends and family…the one time courage welled in me to ask him…he complied…with griping…I watched my account for 2 weeks…thinking his type would reverse the monies paid out of spite…

Why on earth would I assume that of him?

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I’m sure now that even that response was attributed to God’s provision for His daughter…by any means necessary…I considered the character of love…kind, patient, not boastful or rude…yet, the words “I love you” fell so effortlessly from a mouth only meeting the opposite.

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I came to myself…realized I hadn’t written…really written in weeks…inspiration was drained from fear of a controlling spirit...

Yet, I remembered I hadn’t compromised myself…images (1)

I shook off the guilt of accepting his gift of help for the one bill he paid and embraced the gift of goodbye…

A LUNCH with a friend Sunday shed light where my flashlight had gone dim…that he was a distraction…all talk and no action…that I needed to finish my books…that’s she’s waiting and so are others…

Monday morning God confirmed to me the man of God’s feet of which my gifts were to be laid…where I’d been fed all along…where I could learn more…right in my face, but I was fatally distracted momentarily.

To think I wouldn’t even have known the magnitude of or the existence of fatal distractions had not more than a year prior my cousin not intervened . One CD captured an intriguing speaker teaching God’s word so curiosity led me to Hope.

I’m looking forward to handling my Father’s business…not concerned with dating…marriage…and all that jazz…just handling my Father’s business…so yes, I’m single again…willing to be sought…truly courted by the Jacob God has chosen…waiting years might be God’s will…Rachel waited  on the other side of 14 years while her purposed position was prepared so regardless of my relational track so far…I’m good alone…not in the least lonely…handling God’s business is on my agenda from now on so just call me Rachel.

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©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

Blessed Quietness

It’s tragedies like these that have the world questioning God’s existence.

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…questioning how any good could come from such a murderous rampage.  So a moment of silence is offered in remembrance of those slain…I intended an entirely different post for today, but tragedy doesn’t seem to care about other’s agendas so I digress the norm for this somber yet alarming note.

A moment of silence…not a prayer…just silence…Vigils are held across the nation in their honor…yet just a moment of silence…Oh of course just silence….that’s the only way to remain PC isn’t it?  So unbelievers aren’t offended…but what about the believer’s offense?

My daughter was offended this morning…the media coverage simply rubbed her the wrong way….rather, it might have even been the right way in retrospect…

“Nobody wants the world to know their kid is dead”

She said it emphatically so I lowered the radio’s volume and tuned into her instead.  Her tone intrigued me so I listened and she continued,

” It’s bad enough that it happened-they will never get the time to heal because ten years from now it will be an anniversary and media coverage will make them relive the loss all over again!”

She was right.  The reality of those who’d endured the tragic loss of their loved ones were forced to relive the events even with the news of this shooting…the media inevitably must revisit these things.  It’s for that reason I’ve chosen not to even mention the specific mass shootings in public places of months, years, and even decades passed.

You undoubtedly know about them. a few are still in litigation so yes my daughter was correct.  Families and friends of the loss are forced to relive the events again and again with each passing day because tragedy is constant in media.

So we as believers are forced to reflect on questions like:

“How could God allow this?”

“Why didn’t God prevent this?”

And more of God’s children become angry with His justice. The assailant perished but how many more bodies will be added to his count before week’s end…Yes, blood continues to flow in the veins of those who were physically injured, but still a deadness is inevitable in their souls…at least momentarily…Perhaps not…maybe the survivors will be strong enough to understand the reason they were spared was because the Father “gave His angels charge over them

Perhaps some will consider it luck because they simply don’t know any better.  Regardless, only time will tell the effects both positive and negative in terms of yesterday’s events in Oregon.

I’m reminded of a somewhat funny quote a friend shared with me a few days ago after hearing the Pope’s address…”I’m not gonna lie, I’m gonna be mad as hell if I was killed and get to heaven and see my murderer there!”  Don’t judge-Real Talk…no filters!!!

We laughed, but her analysis deserves ground now especially because that’s the very obstacle that many believers struggle with now.  Of course, this shooter supposedly targeted Christians …yet so did the Apostle Paul before his conversion.  If this 26 year old killing machine repented and said he believed in Jesus, would he too be in heaven with the slain?

Scripture tells us he would if that were indeed the case…that is if his heart were sincere…We must be secure in our faith regardless because God knows the heart even when we don’t.  That’s what matters in that arena…

Regardless, I’m sure many of those who shed tears for for the other lives lost have smiled at the news of the assailant’s passing whether Christian or not…before either we are human.  and oftentimes our humanity speaks louder than the spirit man if we are not regularly immersed in the word.  Even then, we fall.  I could speculate that this man busted the gates of hell wide open when he failed to take his last breath….Yet, I don’t know that to be true…Only God does.  Regardless, my job as a Christian is not to know the why or the how of God’s will, but to trust that whatHe allows will have more good for the innocents than bad.  My prayer now is that we as a nation and world quickly recognize that and govern ourselves accordingly.

©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

Co-dependence: The Guilt that Keeps on Giving

Today is a day of firsts! The first day of the month and the first day in over 12 years that I’ll dare set foot on the scene of the crime…the one that momentarily left me with the inability to feel I had a reason to smile like this: image

Yet…for no particular reason…I’ve learned to smile often…thankfully it’s no longer to hide pain, but to embrace promise, potential, and every opportunity within reach.

I accept what happened years ago as a learning opportunity…Albeit, physically painful and emotionally jarring I can finally agree that by God’s grace, I’ve thrived beyond domestic abuse…today is also the first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month…so I pray every post going forward encourage a lifestyle a little freer than the day before…whether you consider yourself a victim of abuse…a former perpetrator of it, or someone stuck in between…I hope this post is a start to the healing process…I actually penned the latter part of this post yesterday so it’s tone is a bit random, but no less from the heart of one who’s been there…done that…a free to be the me I was meant to be…
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Warning, this is one of those spur of the moment posts that are bound to have typos and run-ons and stuff.  It’s random and off the cuff…I came, I typed and there you have it….but I’m learning to at least get this stuff out…I leave the editing for later.

Do you consider yourself an agreeable person?

If you answered yes to that question, you probably are thinking pretty well of yourself, huh?

Well, time to bust your bubble.  If you are or better yet if those who interact with you consider you an agreeable person, you might be susceptible to a certain danger than has claimed the lives of millions.  Yep, you just might be co-dependent!

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I know I know.  Isn’t it good to be “agreeable?” In certain situations it might me a fitting trait, but there comes a time when you simply must have and USE a mind of your own. And before you think that I’m pointing the finger here…let’s just say I, like many of you reading this post, have had the unfortunate displeasure of being codependent before.  Whew!!! Glad I got that over.

First, let me explain for those who might not know what codependency is.
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It would seem that the wording alone should be enough but then it could easily get misconstrued that co-dependence suggests that there is a healthy level of dependence on another individual of which you are in a relationship with….Wow…didn’t that sound all important and stuff…Anyway…it’s actually the exact opposite…

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For those who could care less about the scientific definition or application….it basically means you’re a people-pleaser or “agreeable.”  It even almost suggests that you don’t allow yourself to have a single thought without considering the impact that it will have on another individual…oh and then abruptly changing that thought to make sure it’s what they want even if you dont… AWWW…I know again you’re probably thinking…isn’t that just being thoughtful or compassionate.  Don’t all relationships require sacrifices? Yes and No….of course the purpose of this post is leaning on the “no” of it so follow me…

People pleasing to the extent that you lose your own say is not healthy.  I know because I lived it for far too long…You might say….I felt like busting loose and I’ve been slowly trying to get my “no” as tactful as possible lately.

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Codependency is not just in romantic relationships either….it can even be at work!!!!   Yep, I admit, the first step towards my escape of co-dependence started on 05/15/15.  the day I gave my 2 week notice to my former employer.  Now I’m not bad mouthing them or anything….the ministry is great and the coworkers were really like family….but I knew I had to go….There was no growth there for me and while parting was indeed sweet sorrow….my right now gives me joy in spite of the irregularity of a pay check!
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I really hope somebody gets this for real….download (1)

Yes, there have been some things that I had originally committed to that I have since recanted because I have to be mindful of my own well-being first.  Now, I am not advocating that you trot off thinking that it’s all about “you” because it’s not.  I am, however, suggesting that you seriously consider your options before you make any rash decisions.

And oh but the bible says….Yes, about that…Blessed are the peace-makers for they are the children of God…yes, Mathew 5:9 of the Beattitudes….Yes, Jesus said it and that settles it…..

Don’t get it twisted please….being a peace maker in no way means that you surrender the very mind, actions, and soul that God gave you to please another when you’re slowly dying on the inside.  I know that might seem a bit drastic, but obviously this subject is dear to me…consider this scripture instead if you find your self stuck in between all the time:

James 1:8 New Living Translation

Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Yes, there are times when it is going to be necessary that you bear one another’s burdens, but there must be balance.  And that my friend is exactly what a co-dependency lacks.  There is no balance because for that to occur there would have to be two sides holding equal weight.

That’s why I emphasize so much the importance of wholeness before you enter into a relationship.  You’ve simply got to know your limits…have some boundaries…and understand the consequences of YOUR decisions.

So people, this is not some expert moment about being delivered from co-dependence overnight or even in a few months….It’s really about choosing the best option for you and your family.  Yes, compromise is sometimes needed, but at some point you should develop and stick to your convictions as God allows.

There is absolutely no way that I would have been able to get this far in my mini analysis had I not began to defer many of my decisions to the Lord for direction. That said, I’ve made some drastic changes and it has been daunting, but in the long run I know I’m getting better. So yes, I’m learning to just say no to things that aren’t in my best interest…I want to encourage you to choose to do the same.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Broken for Use

The abuse I endured just over 12 years ago left me with more than a broken nose and bruised ego.  I had a broken spirit.

That same broken spirit morphed into a mindset of resentment and callousness that I only recently disowned.

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Not long ago, I shared my pain with a stranger.  When I worked in customer service, a young lady called to talk about how messed up her marriage was and explained the details of abuse and self-loathing she’d experienced before I could barely say ” I am not a counselor.”

However, when she asked me, “I mean what would you do in my shoes?” I found myself saying, “I wore your shoes…I walked in them for years.”  I was supposed to have been gone for the day but she was my last call.  It was my wake up…

Before that call I’d still had unforgiveness in my heart.  But revealing myself helped me more than it did she because that’s when the shell began to break.  I surrendered.

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When she mentioned how she’d been cursed out and cheated on and constantly berated by her husband…how her mother seemed to make her feel worse for marrying him instead of helping her…again I allowed the Holy spirit to breathe on my wounds to heal them…they were no longer festering and oozing beneath the masks I’d perfected over the years.  For 23 minutes, I explained to that lady how God delivered me from being unequally yoked…I found myself explaining how I’m not an advocate of divorce and how God hates divorce…how divorce is an easy out and that’s why God admonishes us to carefully consider the cost of marriage before we enter into it…how even in an emotionally abusive marriage God gave me joy and how my children and I were thriving…how my husband left after I’d finally surrendered for God’s will to be done…thCAL4RJTH

I recalled the prayer as if it had just been uttered, “Lord, just make him leave!  I can’t raise my children to believe it’s okay to be treated like this…that it’s okay for my daughter to believe it’s okay to be called a “B” and have my son believe it’s okay for him to do it to another woman”  That night tears soaked my daughter’s bed as I’d knelt to pray there for some reason…I wonder even now if she understood what I was going through…she was five…ready for bed…was supposed to have been praying with me but felt the need to stand beside me instead.

I shared with that anonymous lady that after my prayer, the next Tuesday my now ex-husband left.  I explained to her further that she must consult God first…I explained that even after he left…I remained married to him for three years because I condemned myself for “failing God again” given it was my second divorce.

Her response was one of gratitude but still more self-hatred.  I was shattered not because I felt like she wasn’t listening, but because she wasn’t hearing…she was blocking out what God was trying to tell her just as I’d been blocking out what He’d been trying to teach me through my trials with these people I mentioned.  However, her next words made it clear to me why.

She said, “Well, what would you do differently if you were given the chance again?”

“Nothing!!!”  I said to her almost before she finished the question.

I then began to recount why I wouldn’t change a thing…

I would not know God like I know Him…that I am worthy of His best…I would not have prayed and been able to minister to you today…I explained to her that the beauty of God’s love is that while He is fully capable of “making everyone” follow Him, He allows us the choice to do so.  Had everything gone perfectly in my life by the world’s standards, I wouldn’t know I need a savior in Christ…

I know this is post is a bit all over the place, but I figure God wouldn’t give it to me if at least one person out there didn’t need the reminder that the only true remedy for wholeness is in Christ.  Without Him, I’d still be just a bunch of broken pieces.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

What Happened to Officer Friendly?

As a child I was naive about a lot of things. Considering what I see and hear on the news lately, I wish I could say the same of myself now.

I remember a time when policemen would visit our schools to explain their duties as officers of the law: 

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They weren’t posted in the school corridors to prevent kids from becoming the victims of murderous rampages. There was no need for armed guards to check the bags and other belongings of students.

Perhaps the only relevant evolution our society has seen is one of blood thirsty madness.  Yes.  The type of protection needed from police officers has indeed warped over the years.  More disturbing still, however,  is that our society now needs protection from those who used to provide it.

Before cops were not the one’s found guilty of sexually assaulting women and children or accused of racial profiling.

I never feared the police then. I never expected the cop to be the criminal despite the movies.

Fast forward 30 years and I’m really ashamed at the number of crimes committed openly by the “so-called” officers of the law.

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It makes me wonder whether the naivety of my youth was the only thing that spared me from the realities of such corruption then.

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With the technology explosion, there just is no way to explain away some things. Eye witness testimony is no longer a necessary evil to convict since everyone has a smartphone.  

Because of the ever-looming camera’s lens, actions really do speak louder than a person’s words.

I have no beef with the police department itself so my goal with this post is not to bash those officers who really do take their role in society seriously.  I still count those as heroes.  

Yet, I just have to get this out!  

I’m tired of hearing about people being brutally killed for no reason by an officer who chooses to abuse his or her authority regardless of the race or ethnicity!!!!

Years ago, the only news of stuff like that I recall was of the brutal beating of Rodney King.  Maybe a few years later, I’d heard a few stories here or there, but now it seems that every other week in the US, there is a different story involving police brutality with a tragic end.

I’m not damning cops!!!

Before I came of age, I used to believe police officers had the choice to use discretion with whether they were to shoot to kill if in eminent danger or whether they were taught to just wound a person in the process to retain proper control.

I WAS WRONG!

I’ve know now that if the threat is eminent, shoot to kill aka double-tap method is required.  Regardless, double-tap DOES NOT EQUATE TO EIGHT SHOTS IN THE BACK!!!!

Warning!!!The next link is disturbing:  I imagine at some point this will be taken offline as evidence to convict but for now here it is:

Murder of Walter Scott

I’ve never been in the police academy, but I used to work for the City of Memphis Credit Union so I came to know quite a few great police officers.  I never felt threatened by any of them and I prided myself for personally knowing so many. I felt safe in their presence.  I had no worries that I could ever be mistakenly accused of something and fatally shot or that the same could be the fate of one of my friends or family members.

Now I admit that I did definitely question the MPD after I was attacked nearly 12 years ago though.  I mean, I was the one in the back of the ambulance with the broken nose and the officer felt the need to almost arrest me for the domestic dispute.  All because my assailant cowered and told him that I attacked him.

Never mind that the only reason he really had scars or scrapes on his hand was from the glass table that broke when I went through it!!!

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Go figure!  But in defense of that officer,  I read the irony on his face then. He didn’t want to ask me any questions.  In fact, he kind of said something about “policy.”  I don’t blame him for not using common sense because I know that while he almost resisted the questioning, he did what he had to do so I easily forgave him the moment he left the bus.

That said, I can’t help but feel sympathy for those police officers who are put in a position where they are forced “to do what they must do” in spite of what makes sense. Sadly those officers are mercilessly lumped into the same category in the public eye because there are those who’ve forgotten that sometimes to do what must be done is to do so much less.

©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

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