I drifted and of this came Just Be first…you’ll get that later I guess…

I’ve witnessed a lot of car accidents lately. Just yesterday at least four…one ended in a vehicle fire.  Until this moment, I didn’t understand why I’d nearly missed so many would be tragedies.  Albeit tragic for others, it seemed with every accident lately, it had been either a near miss or I had been delayed for some reason before it occurred. I’m grateful for that reason now.

I’ve heard that some driving instructors tell their students to never focus on the broken white lines because where you focus is where you drift…that you must continue to look straight ahead to reach your destination or run the risk of a crash or in the very least getting off course.

'What do you mean didn't I see it? How do you think I hit it?'

I woke up with this thought today. I drove with this thought today. I digested it and now my attempts to regurgitate it on paper baffle me. I’ve learned so much by and I sometimes retain so little of what I hear.

James 1:22  (AMP)

22 But prove yourselves doers of the word [actively and continually obeying God’s precepts], and not merely listeners [who hear the word but fail to internalize its meaning], deluding yourselves [by unsound reasoning contrary to the truth].

 

Yet, I’ve clearly heard Him tell me to slow down time and time again.  To focus.  To Relax. My mind refuses to allow it.  There’s so much to do…and aren’t I required to do it?

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I thought about how I knew better and encouraged others to do better.

Yet, I struggle with letting go of the mundane…I too often major in the minor…scattered are my thoughts and I long to get to the place where they weren’t so “all over the place.”

So I’ve been driving more slowly and paying closer attention.  Times I failed to see the approaching vehicle, something happened to keep me out of harms way.

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Some one asked me if I had ADHD a while ago. I know that I have indicated that diagnosis on more than one occasion, but I’ve never gotten an official word on it so that’s that. However, the fact that I drift from one topic to the next is interesting to say the least about myself. For instance, in the few minutes I’ve typed this post.  Two others have been birthed out of it and I simply had to cut and paste it elsewhere because I lose my train of this thought.

I digress. At least I’m aware that I do.

Perhaps I just have so much to say…to know…to do….perhaps that’s why I tend to only read books when I read 3 or more simultaneously.  I inevitably retain bits and pieces of each.

Focus…Get Centered…Get balanced.

I wonder now if balance even exists…I was advised there is no balance only harmony…that all the parts must work together…so who exactly decides how many parts are too many?  Perceptions of tone deafness in rhetoric are not equated to that of a well-orchestrated symphony.

 

And so I sit here and type.  

My throat is sore now and I type.

In silence.

I type realizing that I am coming down with something I never asked to receive. 

Yes, I did.  It would not be the first time that the Lord has used illness to slow me down. I accept it as what it is. I haven’t taken the time to meditate on His word because I’m too busy reading it.  I haven’t taken the time to do His word because I never really retain what I hear anymore.

Convicted, I’m not pleased to have a sore throat, chills, or fever.

Alas, I accept that I brought this on myself because of my overwhelming tendency to drift…off topic…in other lanes…doing everything I am asked to do without considering if I am well enough to take on one more thing.

I’m not, but I still say yes. Perhaps that in itself is my sickness. That I seek to please everyone too much at the expense of my own health…at the expense of God’s leading…

I’m glad God knows when I’ve had enough. So I will say no to myself today.  No more appointments and meetings.  No more television and reading three in one or more. Just rest.

I’ve drifted far too long.

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