Hmmm…I’m so thankful for this revelation this morning. I’ve commissioned myself to ensure above all else that in my walk with Christ from here on that I refuse to chase the fake again…that I be completely authentic to who God made me.
That said, I must do away with the roles I once played. I acted a certain way because I apparently failed to realize who I was…who I am…accepting my personality for what it is and refusing to answer a name others gave me. The problem was that I got comfortable in the image I’d built for myself…the walls went up and I never considered the Master builder’s blueprint of me until now…wonderfully and fearfully made…I was stagnant…however, since I was four years old I knew then that I was meant to be peculiar…that there was a reason I did and said exactly what came to mind then…I challenged others to think by the things I’d said…challenged others to consider whether they were being authentic in their responses…
Yet, over the years, my mind evolved into what I “should do and say”according to the status quo and while I knew it wasn’t the real me, I learned to wear a mask well…I had one for every outfit…with matching shoes…I guess my shoes of peace were too unpopular at the time…
Yet, not anymore. I don those bad boys with Pride…who knew they came in stiletto?
I realize that by not doing what I want to do regardless of who snarks, I was chasing an ideal of me who was a figment of their imagination…I am comforted in knowing that I owe NO ONE an explanation…that is except God…but God has been trying to get me to grasp this concept for years. I’m grateful that’s He’s continued to keep me through the transformation process.
A few months ago, I said to myself, “I wonder if a catepillar experienced pain in the process of becoming.” Now when I consider myself, I’m convinced there must be screams only God can hear in those cocoons.
Nonetheless, I’m glad the Father left me in that cocoon that seemed so dark and painful before…so grateful that His grace was all I needed and that He forced me to work hard on myself so that I get my own blood flowing in the right direction to strengthen my wings….so now that I’m emerging from that shell, I do so in one peace…no longer segmented and confined to a surface level existence. Now I can fly.