As I braved the bitter temperatures arresting my face and hands this morning I felt thankful and saddened in an instant. That feeling lasted a little longer than I wanted. So I continued about the business of moving things from my car to another temporary residence.

My second trip indoors was harder than my first in that I couldn’t prevent the tears of gratitude and frustration. Thankful that I had somewhere warm and even comfortable to rest my head…to rest my worries…to rest assured that yes, my son’s faith was right again….His words, “relax mom, a lot can happen in a week.”

Indeed a lot had happened in the week that proceeded this day….for me…for us…within a week I had been given a deadline to get my act together…had been told no on so many occasions that I considered again why so many people in my state had chosen to give up on everything. I had been accepted to seminary, had been graced to have mounds of debt super-naturally removed…had my faith in Christ renewed…had my purpose through Him defined…Yes, so much had transpired.

Still on the day commemorating the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his dream of peace and equality, I can’t help but consider those who feel  the blight regardless of their race, national origin, religious affiliation, or gender….those drafted into a reality they never chose…my homeless brothers and sisters.

My heart breaks and at least now I know that one of spiritual gifts is giving…yet even in my generosity I’ve been warned against giving too much…doing too much…all I feel is that I can’t do enough…

In the passed 13 years have indeed been filled with many humbling experiences…Even in those, I realize now why I have had to take so many tests over again.

I had yet to consider my ways…

Haggai 1:5-7(ESV)

⁵ Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. ⁶ You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes.

⁷ “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways.

I’d been brought back to the same passages year after year, but pride had me considering I had it together. I guess when I consider the blank monotony of religion itself, I did.  I was nothing more than a modern day Pharisee when things were going well for me…all head knowledge but still failing to acknowledge the importance of the valley for myself and others.

Within a year, I’ve learned that only those who have been in the valley are able to lead others out…only those who have experienced the pain of rejection and disdain of indifference can encourage others to keep moving forward.

So I understand now. I’m excited about the ones who I will bring out with me.

I still have no physical place to call my own since leaving the home and life I knew in Little Rock, but I know that this place is exactly where  I need to be right now.