I admit that the things I’ve gone through over the passed few months have been daunting, yet, I still somehow had the faith to believe that I could still accomplish what I’d vowed to God I would so long ago.  I’ve been sitting on half-completed manuscripts, ideas, creations for years and I became determined that no matter what happened this year at least four of those bad boys would be published.  So I paid for a publishing package for the main one. I considered it progress.  Yet, this morning God met me with a stinging reminder that I had still not fully obeyed His will.
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And then it really hit home. Here I was beginning to take on loads of work from others that I really didn’t want to do. I mean the number of people who have contacted me lately offering large sums of cash has had me baffled. Yet, in my spirit I’d hear the real reason for my discomfort…I never wanted that! Yes, I like nice things and I love helping people, but the frustration I’d experienced recently was completely voluntary. I’d brought it on myself. I said yes when I really wanted to say no. I offered to help edit, write grants, and get others off to a great start while I found myself sitting still with so much unfinished business.
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So today the most courageous thing I knew I could offer anyone is to finish what I’ve started…to complete the directives that I’d been given…to remain fully obedient to God’s will in lieu of what “they” thought or said. So I’ve determined to follow the heart…no not my heart…the heart of Christ because today I’m keenly aware that my blessings are bound there…that true submission starts there…so I’ve forgiven myself for over committing to help others progress while my own fruit withered…Knowing that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, I’m embracing His grace and extending the same to others…forgetting what’s been done and moving toward what will be.
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I know this way I’ll reach more and I won’t get caught up in worrying about whether this person or that person wants it as bad as I want it for them. Yes, my books will point them in the right direction, but I won’t be drained in the process of another’s indecisiveness.
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That said, I’ll continue to observe others…their triumphs…their failures…their lessons…and glean what is necessary for my journey. Regardless, I’ll finish.
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