I’ve been locked in a tug of war emotionally, spiritually, and physically for a few weeks now.  However, until this moment I assumed that I wouldn’t need to revisit this place of uncertainty again.

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This restlessness has me tossing and turning while I’m wide awake. I tire of the things that used to keep me occupied…I’m growing in ways that I’ve admired in others and still I sometimes find myself as child…desiring the care of My Father more than ever. I am a Daddy’s girl indefinitely.  And then it happened. I was running full speed ahead and all of a sudden I’m tired….when creative juices are flowing in all directions…I’m told to take a pause…when I’m more confident than ever…I’m required to Be Still.

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So since I would not willingly do that, a headache sent me to bed early last night…the spark released from the barrel and the pop that followed woke me from my daze…ignited a new response to my understanding…My why…chiseled out of what should have been fear, but laced instead with determination to get out of here…to leave this place…to take them with me…to lead them from here…with latent tears I recorded and listened to the words my Father imposed on my heart explaining my reason for dying…my passion and fervor to help ladies all over this planet understand who they are and whose they are…to encourage them to see themselves as God’s best and not what they had been called by those who knew no better…even when that label was placed upon themselves by themselves…images (5)

Labels-sticky and hard to remove, but not an impossible task…an apt solvent need only be applied ..could words be that remedy?  Don’t magnets attract and repel?

So perhaps, I’m to use my words to do the same…to attract the right and repel the wrong…I’ll use my words to clear the paths of the broken…those who believe they are unworthy of God’s best because of their unintentional past…

An Expected End…to prosper us…that was God’s intention…yet our will allowed us to take a left that we surmised was right…still I’ve come full circle…

Little do we know our mess had already been factored into the promise…that our testimony would be irrelevant if we hadn’t been there too…that the deliverance of others is stuck between our past and our future…that even our pit is for purpose.

I’ve allowed rest to win this tug of war…to surrender my will for His…to be filled before I pour so that when I leave here, I won’t be traveling alone. Rather, I’ll be leading others who also know who and whose they are.

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