I’ve taken a little time over the passed few days to celebrate the wrong things. I threw myself a pity party!

I tried to invite my children to join me a moment and I’m glad that neither of them thought it cool to attend it.

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Evidence that I had trained them in the way that they should go after all….my son listened and finally said few profound words that abruptly ended the shenanigans!

“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and use the faith that you’ve taught us to have!”

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I was caught between the agony of having spiritual vision and having reality…I see what God showed, but when I open my natural eyes I see what I lack…I can’t see how He will get me there…get us there…my concern is for my children…their well-being…their faith…their future…their today…
I clung to the truth that I was crossing over into the promised land, but I keep circling the same mountain….

How did I get here?

What am I doing here?

Is this the here God meant?

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I received a call about noon yesterday and the scales began to fall from my eyes…the frustration in her voice made my plight seem so small…she had recounted how her blood pressure was high because she just discovered that her bank account was overdrawn by hundreds of dollars…that she refused to go to the bank because her mind was not right and she didn’t want to say the wrong thing…she had sense enough to rest…..her words, “I realize that I can’t depend on anyone but myself!”

Immediately I found myself contradicting her words…the very words that remained impinged in my own mind and heart mere hours prior…instead I said, “I’ve learned that God sometimes allows us to get to our lowest point so that we can ask for help. Do you need help?”

I realized that my situation could have been worse than what I imagined…the radio further confirmed this when I heard the testimony of cancer survivors…

I’d seen God bring me through so much over the years that just didn’t make sense so why I had the audacity to “worry” about what I was facing now was just plain wrong…

I realized that even in my helplessness, I was willing to help…that it is my gift and whether I want to admit it or not in my distress, I still get joy from seeing others happy….

My son’s faith and happiness that afternoon along with his words are what helped me fully snap out of my pity party…if nothing more…Those words and the words of Luke 7:6 sealed my faith for God’s best for our lives…

I’d asked for scripture, but I didn’t want something I already knew…I wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had really spoken to me…

And He answered with “and Jesus went with them”

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Considering that truth, I’m learning to be more grateful for my wilderness experience because without Him I know it would be worse.
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