A wound superficially covered will cause infection, but bleeding and allowing the wound exposure is often the best way to heal it. At least it is for me…

  • True Forgiveness Requires Grief!
  • It Requires Stages.
  • It Requires that one face the pain of what happened and why it happened.
  • It Requires Identifying who is responsible.

All the answers may never be gathered, but to slap a “Forgive and Forget It” Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound is senseless and now I realize is simply unbiblical! The Process Requires the need to not just breathe in God’s redemptive air, but to also bleed…

The Stages of Grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

So now I realize why I had pangs of guilt after thinking of the pain I’ve endured at the hands of others were unwarranted. I responded out of order. Rather, I reacted.

A response is one made with thoughtful intention, but my reaction was bred in a tainted petri dish…one where I was led to believe forgiveness is an all or nothing process…

Hmph…to say anything is an ALL or NOTHING PROCESS is oxymoronic in itself…Every process requires LAYERS….

I’ve been forced to consider things differently now and I am glad I’ve obliged.

There is a delicate and perpetual PROCESS to forgiving.  It is not merely “letting it go” as the Greek word for forgive, “aphesis” has so often been misapplied. Now the term does mean “let go,” but there are other meanings so don’t get me wrong here. I am still a word nerd.

“Release” is the definition that resonated with me the most. And since yesterday I realize the meaning is more than “releasing the offender from accountability.”  Rather, for me this release is solely for me…for my peace of mind… I release him, I release her, I release them for me!

I release myself to fully go through the process of grieving the loss of my ability to trust, to set proper boundaries, to receive unconditional love, to be myself without shame or condemnation…

I release myself to be angry with the circumstances and the fact that sometimes it seems that those who do wrong get away with it…

I release the thought that denial of what happened will make everything better…

I release the depression I didn’t know I was in for far too many years because I chose to bury what was still very much alive…

I release the need to bargain with God or myself as to whether I feel comfortable having this person or that person in my life again.  I don’t.

I release myself to the freedom of accepting that forgiveness is not one size fits all…that the process is perpetual…that I am not condemned for having a moment. I have had many moments and I will likely have many more. Regardless, for me, just forgiving and forgetting is not an option anymore.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.