Something odd occurred to me this morning. I’ve gotten so accustomed to God answering my prayers with wait and slow down that I expected a no this time too….that my portrait has been so abstract over the last year that even I didn’t know what I was creating…never mind whether I could explain it to friends. So lately when doors had been opened instead of walking through them, I found myself standing and starring instead.
God used to speak to me in dreams often. The things He’s revealed to me in this way have been nothing short of amazing, however, within the last year I could no longer understand the meanings of the few dreams I could recall. Rather, I began to interpret everything on the surface. I used to shy away from the explanation of how I knew things before they happened because I was just thought of as weird. Of course now I could care less what anyone thinks. I’ve felt like that a while, but that didn’t seem to change the fact that I was constantly misinterpreting the visions and dreams I’d been having.
Then God reminded me that I had access to that power, but I had unplugged myself from the source…that I had not been as open in prayer or as dedicated to His word as I had been before…I’d forgotten my first love….Instead I was stuck in this maze of trying to fit certain men into a mold that was never meant for them to fit…certain things over the years I, like Jacob, Joseph’s (the dreamer) dad kept the matters in mind…I knew then as I do now that I’m meant to be married…that while my children are up in age I’m also meant to have more children…that I’m literally going to change the world…I’ve already been doing that…one life at a time…this knowing comes from a place of certainty not arrogance…whenever the faith in me would wane because we ladies tend to take biology quite seriously when single and waiting to be found by that certain man, I’m reminded of Sarah…then of Hannah…how she prayed without a word, yet how God heard her prayer and granted her request…that only later in God’s word are we reminded of how the Holy Spirit fills in the gaps where the humanity of our lips fail us in petition…
Because any man won’t do…those words remain in my heart so as I did when my now ex-husband first left, I decided to keep the matter of Isaiah 54’s confirmation in mind and heart…that while I already knew the weapons formed wouldn’t prosper that it was still time to enlarge my territory and embrace the Lord as my Abba and husband…I realize now my quest had always been for a father as is still my journey because so it is: when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord…a wife is a wife long before the words are said…a wife is a wife before the union is consummated…yet a man is only a man when he leaves his mother and father to cleave to his wife…neither he nor his wife are missing anything…the bible reveals…God removes Adam’s(man) rib…to format her… the world has you believing that you are deficient because of this delicate but necessary surgery remove what one would consider a required portion to be whole…that somehow a woman would complete a man or vice versa…however, that same science that tries to evict God Almighty from the equation of life altogether fail to see how the science itself refutes their rebuttal in that the rib is the only bone that grows back if removed…that Adam…a whole man had a fulfilled relationship with God…had been aware of and fully active in his purpose, only to look up one day and know the very essence of a Father’s love when he was presented with Eve…she complimented his purpose for she had her own designed before her creation…even when all the stars align and the dots in our lives connect so perfectly that even a child can decipher the image, we sometimes mis-take truth for a figment of our overactive imagination….failing to realize in that moment who gave us the mind to dream such things in the first place…so we then find ourselves in Peter’s predicament…in a sea of transition with family, friends, and even the enemy riding together watching, but secretly waiting for Peter to sink…today’s word has inadvertently….nah intentionally allowed me to regurgitate all I’ve been filled with on this page…
Was it my plan to ramble on and one…can’t say it was, but in retrospect…the clarity and confirmation I’ve received was necessary for me if for no one else…
I’ve asked…waited…grown impatient…tried to do my own thing and through it all, my Father has kept me…His will be done because now I’m ready to receive His yes…
Better Not Bitter 
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