12 You shall call on me, and you shall go and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
13 You shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart.
– Jeremiah 29:12–13 (WEB)

Last year at my mother’s homegoing I was pierced by the words her former line sister spewed at the podium. “What now? What are you all going to do now?” I knew what she meant. She didn’t want another funeral to be our only reason to convene again. Our family for the most part had been pretty estranged for years prior to the months before mama passed.. I could say her mental illness was the culprit for our distance, but really ignorance of how to love one another unconditionally  was more to blame. The senseless murders brocasted last week was the mud this country needed I suppose…for it seemed we were so blind to the reality of racism as the beast it is…still alive and well…only before the monster seemed hidden…the corruption is obvious in this country so I grieve…I pray…I cry…I shudder to think of both sides of this coin…I realize that I can no longer push the images in the back of my mind as I had with personal racist attacks…I was called a nigger at a traffic light less than 2 years ago. The one on the other side of that insult was a white teenager. I just shook my head and never really thought about it again… that is until now…racism is taught…embraced…learned…and fed…I raise my hands and bow my head…this time shaking back and forth in disbelief. Alton Sterling’s murder was the first documented killing like these I’ve seen. I imagine it’s the first many white people who aren’t racist have seen too…I don’t blame all white people for this travesty. I’m trying to understand their position in this. I don’t hate white police officers either. I’m trying to understand their grief. I can’t imagine, yet imagination is no longer necessary for those people who aren’t of color. They can no longer say we as blacks are overreacting. I wish we didn’t have to react…I wish we’d understand that even these tragedies are for the good…this is not the time to hate…this is the time to unify regardless of race, gender, religious beliefs, etc…to love unconditionally… Whatever the case, business as usual is not an option.