When it comes to a dating relationship, the only games I like are spades and maybe Taboo.  And yes, even that gets old, but I’ve done my research and it amazes me of how many websites, books, columns, and questions are out there about the “hot and cold” dynamic.

POSTER-LOVE-NOT-FINITO

In case, you’re wondering what I’m talking about, I’ll define it”  At the start of a relationship…sparks ignite and things get hot (and not necessarily physical either)…when you meet, date, think you’re in love…you just can’t seem to get enough of each other…aka..usually the infatuation period…then all of a sudden…something changes…without warning…the calls aren’t as frequent, the text messages aren’t answered immediately if at all…now an argument would definitely be a good reason for this ghost action, but what if there is no argument or misunderstanding? That’s just it….cold =no warning.

Now, I’ll admit, it’s been a minute since I’ve been back on the market so I actually ran across all of this information in my own little misguided tour of what to do…I mean…I’d been married for most of my life so I really didn’t have much of a good blueprint for dating/courtship and stuff….scratch that, I had it available (the Bible)…I just didn’t use it much then…

doh-1

…so went my hunt for knowledge about the dating world.

There were all these little rules about what “you should do and should say to attract and keep a man. In retrospect, I was a seriously curious sister, but I’m glad I snapped out of it before I really did some stupid stuff….my point, has anyone thought that maybe the only “should” that you do in dating is “be yourself?”  There is after all, only one you so why try to fit some imaginary mold created by people with impossible standards? All that does is breed insecurity and drama…Lord knows I’ve had my share of both and I’m so not going for that anymore….Ah Freedom!!!

Get this, the more I perused, the more I was confused.  And, while I’m embarrassed to admit it, I did get sucked in for a minute in the land of the “shoulds.”  In other words, of all the articles I read,  the common denominator agreed on one of two possibilities for your beau to go cold. … that it wasn’t necessarily that “he’s just not that into you” but it could be that he’s a “commitment phobe.”

While either of those points are plausible…after exhausting my mind with all the what ifs, I realized that nobody seemed to address the “so whats.”

So what if he doesn’t call often…so what if he doesn’t text back immediately…so what if he is actually not into you. I mean, the thing I got from all of this was that often times we put a little too much emphasis on the trivial…and not what really matters…like do you actually enjoy each others company…do you respect one another…does he have your best interest in mind….what does his character say about him…Maybe, I think this way because I’m busy with two children, two dogs, a mortgage, and a full time career than to be consumed by that stuff. Maybe it’s that I’ve learned by being impatient you usually end up with regrets….Maybe I’m just okay with me and I understand that everyone is different.  Maybe its that I’ve learned some powerful lessons about being yourself and realizing that if the brother can’t take you for you…it was never meant to be anyway…that’s unconditional…that’s why I guess I’m so giddy about  embracing the love God has for me…I can be real and He still loves me, flaws and all.  So yeah, I got back out there for a minute and wore a mask quite well, but what I ended up with was what I thought I wanted instead of what I really needed. Not something I’d advised you to try. Regardless, whether you’re in a “committed” relationship or just dating, don’t forget to keep God in the midst, have fun, and most of all.. Be the Real Thing!

©2014 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.