Today it hit me! Again. I’m doing too much and getting absolutely nothing accomplished!
A few years ago time was my best friend. Though I worked full time and attended school 2-3 nights a week, I still managed to cook regularly, attend church and school functions, spend quality time with my children, and I even kept my yard in tact. As a single mom, I guess I wore my cape pretty well. So when I went to bed last night, I cringed at the thought of what was before me now. With mounds of laundry to finish, endless attitudes and arguments to referee, infamously missing family dinners, and barely a quiet moment in existence, I had to ask myself, what happened?
I’ve sensed the lack of peace in my home for months, but I allowed myself to stay busy in denial of the building tension. Finally, I decided to scale back and get things in order. Which, until recently, I found out is much easier said than done. So this morning I was forced to ask another question instead. This time aloud. What did I do differently before? As I pondered the query nearly in tears, I received my answer.
God reminded me when He’d tried to give me the answer before. Only, I didn’t fully listen.
In fact, a few Sundays ago, I reluctantly sat in the audience for our morning church service. From the moment I awoke that morning, I had the urge (I know now from the Holy Spirit) to remain seated with my children during service. However, in my haste to “do my duty” I still joined the choir stand for the 2nd one. A choir member asked me about it. Here’s how it went:
“I took a break this morning, I felt like I needed to sit with my kids.”
“Honey, your kids are old enough to sit in the service without you, you need to be up here in the choir”
I gave a bit of a grin and nodded because the woman on the other side of that conversation was my elder and shouldn’t wisdom come with age?
Regardless, her comment didn’t sit well with me. And the next Sunday, I was confronted with the same feeling that I needed to “be with my kids.”
With this tearful reflection of my partial obedience (STILL DISOBEDIENCE) I knew what had been different.
No, I didn’t have a clone! Rather, Matthew 6:33 was much more to me than just some random verse I touted to sound spiritual. It was my way of life. I sought God’s approval, authority, and direction in every situation. I’d loved to say that I’ve always known that I could do nothing apart from God and that I faithfully followed this premise from the moment I became a Christian, but in my human frailty I know that at least my initial thirst began in a pit much like the one I’d found myself in today.
I’d forgotten my first love. I’d stopped seeking Him first in everything. I’d stopped letting Him guide me in all of my decisions. I’d stopped praying. Worse yet, I’d stopped listening. Instead, I found myself asking for mercy at every turn. I was so busy being “involved” at the church and elsewhere that I completely missed how quickly my home life had “evolved” into utter chaos. Yet, instead of letting it all go, using the grace I’d been given to get back on track, I convinced myself that I could “do” something else to make up for the void. So though I’d saddled many of my activities, I failed to properly prioritize the rest.
Now I know why the scripture Luke 14:25-28 has been on my mind for a few days. When I finally read it, I was a bit ashamed. I never considered the cost of “doing it all.” Jesus warns against this inconsideration. Of course, this parable is usually taken quite literally in that one should ensure he or she has everything needed to complete a specific task or risk embarrassment. However, the Lord showed me I needed to apply this to my life in that I had already been given everything I needed to be the mother He knew I could. Only, as of late, I’d forgotten my part. Had I considered the impact of “playing the part” in public, but privately failing on regular basis? Had I considered my priority was to build up my home and not tear it down brick by busy brick. Indeed, had I not caught this revelation today I suppose my situation could have become much worse than that of the builder mentioned in Jesus’ parable.
Thankfully, I know my children’s souls are at stake and no “duty” could equate to being a living example of Christ at home. Yes, being a doer of things– EVEN IN THE CHURCH– has very little to do with being a doer of the WORD. So, yes indeed, as of this week, I now have completely unplugged to allow quality time for my children, myself, and most importantly My God.
©2014 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.