Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. Perhaps that’s why it’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything. Well, I guess I’m done with my little sabbatical. I’ve been exploring some of my drafts and other things in life that have had me in a very humble place….not just physically, but emotionally. It seems that God has been forcing me to deal with me.
It’s been uncomfortable. I came across a draft this morning. Rereading it helped realize something about myself:
- I have been paralyzed with fear too long
- My unwillingness to continue to embrace God’s love for me was the reason I’d been stagnant.
Before, most of the following had been entitled: Well Done…Time for a New ID, but given the simple directive God gave me not long ago, I felt it more appropriate to name it Just Be Loved instead. Read on…I hope you understand why even this change was necessary….
JOHN 4:18NEW LIVING TRANSLATION (NLT)
18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
I reread the rest of the story about the Samaritan woman.
I have always been glad God chose this type of woman to be one of His first evangelists. I figured if she could be used given her past surely I could too. However, this morning God allowed me to examine further….to pinpoint her platform and her delivery.
This woman really didn’t know who she was. On the one hand, she knew what she believed about God, but she didn’t know what God believed about her…so instead of her trusting God to supply her needs, she sought the company of men..apparently any man. So she remained thirsty.
Yet, this woman was only willing to seek a filling when undoubtedly her thirst had become unbearable. She lived in the desert so the last thing one would do is be outside at high noon on purpose unless they had to! I’ve considered she had to.
Like her, there was a transformation within my heart when I first truly began to embrace the love of Christ for me. Yet, I wasn’t fully able to wrap my mind around that promise because I still identified myself as a product of my past.
This morning God showed me an unwelcomed portrait of myself in the account of this lone Samaritan woman. He showed me when I first encountered His deliverance I had been granted the freedom to be me, flaws and all. I know now that the abuse had to happen.
Who knew that I had secretly been condemning myself?
Acknowlegement has been my first step to just be loved.
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