Better Not Bitter

A person’s behavior is greatly influenced by the company he or she keeps.  That said, are you in the company of foolishness? Well, if you’re not sure, you may want to seriously consider the following info.

For the record, I’m no exception to this advice. Before I knew better I intentionally kept company with fools! Yes, I said and meant intentionally. I have a big heart so I’m drawn to the wounded in hopes of helping them see things differently.

The Day the Dam Broke

I was in a department store with her and I was shopping for my kids. Well, as we walked through the store, she kept commenting about a lot of items she liked, but then she’d immediately commented that she either couldn’t fit or couldn’t afford them.  And I mean it wasn’t  like, “Ooh, that’s a little expensive for me right now!” It was more like,

“Ooh, girl, I can’t fit any of this stuff I’m so fat!”

“Ooh, girl, I’m so broke.  I need a job!”

I tried to be positive as long as I could by suggesting that the Lord will make a way and offering to even workout with her. It wasn’t long before I was completely irked!

I usually can filter myself so much better…

Granted, she’d been out of work for a while, but I’d been out of work for ten months prior myself and God kept me! I never went without!  She serves the same God I do so I couldn’t understand why she had such a barrier to His greatness!

The wheels were churning…

Then she started making comments about her “future husband this and her future husband that”

For the record, she was single.

I know all about calling things that be not as though they are, but I found my mind mingling with some not so Christian words and actions with every word she spoke.

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G she uttered had absolutely no hope.

I was drained!!!!  Ugh-oh for her!!!

Finally, I’d had it!

“You’re so negative, you get on my nerves! Can you say anything positive?”

It was out! I’d said it. Oops, I’ll repent later.

Now of course, our little discussion did not end there.  In fact, our little “discussion” ended with tears…hers not mine.  She was obviously angry with a lot more than what she’d voiced at the store.

Now before you think that I’m heartless, I didn’t drop our friendship on that note. Instead I laid it by the wayside, on this one: Proverbs 22:24-25

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered,  or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. (NLV)

Now I’m still very cordial; but I’ve just learned to distance myself.

Why?  Is one little incident worth a break in a relationship with someone you’ve known a while?

Well, yes, this incident got on my nerves, but it wasn’t this alone that had me convinced to call it quits! Rather, my reaction to the incident made me realize that I’d been stuffing my feelings and I was about to implode!  It was a wake up call.

Over the next few days, I’d begun to examine my own behavior.  I was faced with an ugliness about myself. I’d recalled how cynical I’d become about work, my children, my love-life, and really life in general.

I suppose I hadn’t realized the detriment that this person was having on my life and personality until I went off.

After checking myself, I realized that she could do no better because she expected no better….that great expectations lead to great results…that she was not on my level!!! So I had no choice but to leave her where she stood.

I had to make a choice to let the friendship go. So yes, our contact thinned considerably, but not before I’d gotten to the point where I dreaded a phone call, a text or anything from her.

I can see why some men get irritated with “needy” women, but imagine that to the nth degree for just a friend!!!!

The bible has a lot to say about foolish friends.

Take note of the following verses:

Stay away from fools, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.  The prudent understand where they are going, but fools deceive themselves.

Proverbs 14:7-8

Wealth is a crown for the wise; the effort of fools yields only foolishness.

Proverbs 14:24

Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster. The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble.

Proverbs 17:19-20

Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.  People ruin their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.

Proverbs 19:3

I’d only really known this person about a few years prior so yes, it doesn’t take long for a little bit of poison to create a very toxic situation.

Seriously, my heart bleeds for those who are hurting because I breathe to make people see the brighter side of life.  I’m an optimist so I can’t really help it sometimes.

However, this former friend was so angry with life that her negative attitude was contagious. Before I knew it, I was seeing things from a glass half empty point of view myself instead of influencing her to see my perspective as I originally planned.

I knew when I met her that her faith was not as strong as mine, but I had every intention of allowing some of my “spiritual umph” rub off on her.  Only in reality, the more time I spent with her the more I mirrored the foolish things she did and said.

I tried my hand at evangelism I guess…

The Bottom Line-

There comes a time when you’ve got to realize that you cannot make people who you want them to be.  I mean I truly wanted to remain friends, but in the end I was discouraged and drained by her presence.

Ultimately, it was never my responsibility to “make her”choose to be who God created her to be so yes, I learned to let go and let God handle her.

Perhaps you might have found yourself in a similar situation with a friend or significant other.  I just suggest that you take some time to really examine your circle of friends and consider who is meant to be there beyond tomorrow.  Be honest with yourself.  At times we even may have to leave childhood friends behind because they’re not willing to catch up to where we’re headed.

Pray about it and then do something about it.  It may be a soul shocking experience to detach from the familiarity of some relationships, but as you mature in your walk with Christ, you will realize that like Him, the many that may have started the journey with you are either not willing or able to remain with you beyond the cross.

So what’s this girl to do?

For my sanity and yours, in the words of late , great Teddy P, “I think I better let it go!”

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.