Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges



Because He loves me…God waited

Just a thought…

Ladies, perhaps you feel good men are hard to find because you’ve misunderstood a few things about God’s design. Men were never designed to be found. The bible says, “when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

I know you’ve heard that before, but peep this. It is a male’s responsability to become a man…that man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Paul said it best when he acknowledged his transition to manhood as marked  by his choice to put childish things away. Note the decision to become mature here.”To put” is intentional. It is not random.  It is a natural progression that requires a special type of humility to be a suitable covering for a wife. A man must understand that when he finds you that you are a gift from God to be cherished. This humility isn’t manufactured by your mere presence either, ladies. Rather, this humility is one fostered by a real relationship with God long before he senses the longing to share himself and his purpose with another.

Let’s take Adam. Adam was active in his purpose and openly naked in his relationship with God. God is the one who said, it is not good for man to be alone.. not Adam.  That means Adam was content because he was unaware that something was missing…and that’s because nothing was missing.  He was complete.  He was whole.  He was mature. He was ready. And when He was ready, God closed his eyes and gave him rest…a deep sleep, the bible says…God removed a rib and formed Eve…Eve was presented to Adam after he was awakened…hmmm yes and no…notice the sequence. God first closed the place of his flesh. God understood a helper suitable would not be a perfect complement if Adam’s flesh had been open.

A lot has changed since that first union….

So what exactly is your role in this process, you might ask…well, it’s not just to wait idly by for a male to mature into manhood…it’s not to put your life on hold idolizing marriage and the idea of being in love or having a soulmate either. Your job ladies is to be…the helpmate…to the Kingdom of God… yes, to allow God to form you into His good thing first…to teach you a level of grace necessary to receive the heart, hand, and yes habits of the one God’s chosen as your earthly covering. It is a process…sometimes it takes a lot longer than you expect, but it is never too late.

Remember, God’s not obligated to your calendar, watch, or your biological clock.

But Why So Long Lawd?

He is jealous of you! You see God’s jealousy is the only type considered good because His motive for having it is pure love…meaning because He knows the hearts of men…that only He is able to love you and take care of you properly so just any man isn’t good enough for you. That is why it is for your benefit to wait and not rush the process.

Take it from someone who got it wrong twice! God will only allow you to be found by one who’s character most closely resembles His. Likewise, His love for the godly man He’s got in mind for you is just as potent so God’s not willing to present him with anything less than a good thing either.

Your job essentially is to allow God to show you your true self. Be prepared to see the good, bad, and ugly. No, I’m not talking physically but internally. When you seek Him first, the all these things is not limited to the tangible ladies. Some of you might have an independent woman attitude like I did.  Yet, when God is readying you to be found you notice that all of a sudden you feel a longing to be joined with another…to do life with a partner. Some might have never thought of having a child, but all of a sudden you have the desire to be around children.  Some of you might shriek at the thought of a homeless person coming near you and all of a sudden you have a sense of compassion that prompts you to dream up a center to help the homeless transition off the streets.  Ladies, as you press into Him the desire to gossip leaves. These things, ladies, are the attributes of God’s character.

These things are new eyes to see yourself as He does. What’s more those new eyes allow you to see others as He sees them. You might even find yourself grieved over the questions from a young girl wanting to know after being diagnosed with an STD when she can have sex again. You might first judge that she doesn’t know her worth, but later being willing to listen to the voice in your heart whispering, “prostitution” and so instead of sentencing her to the foolishness of her actions, you understand the motive behind her need for an answer…and yet you’re still grieved…so you find yourself praying for her safety and that another means of income present itself so she not be required to put herself in danger night after night only to feed the crying baby in the background…these things…yes, these things including that godly man as your husband will come when you seek God first because by doing so you are prepared for the role of being a wife before the ring or even the relationship…

In fact, seeking God first not only transforms your character and your perspective, but your patience is strengthened.

You’re able to say and mean, “God, since you are my husband now, make me the wife suitable to bring Your purpose in me to fruition.” It takes a lot of faith to say and believe that statement, but it takes even more to worship Christ in spite of what looks like a dead situation as Mary did when Jesus arrived after the death of Lazarus. Perhaps we can learn another thing or two from Mary though. Keep in mind while she uttered the same words her sister Martha had only moments before her posture was different. She was sad things didn’t appear to workout as planned but she also did what always did  in Christ’s presence…she sat and worshipped at His feet.  And yes Jesus wept. Jesus expressed His compassion. And I don’t believe it was just because of the passing of His friend or  because of the lack of faith both Martha, Mary, and the others exemplified when He arrived. I believe Jesus wept out of pure love…pure joy over the unexpected ending of their trial…of their waiting period. Jesus wept because He felt the pain this dear sister felt, but moreso he felt her surrender in her willingness to trust in heart despite what her eyes and mouth witnessed.

So you see…I understand the struggle is real in this single abyss ladies…you want someone to hold you…to protect you…to provide for you and to be your best friend…I do too…especially lately. Yet, God through Christ is all of that and more in your mean time for a reason. It’s not because He wants you to suffer or to wager how long you can keep your legs closed. Christ waits to show up so when He gets there your brokenness leaves no room for faking the funk. You simply must be real with God so He can unwrap your covering on earth as it is in Heaven. You see Mary and Martha had reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of their brother meant they has no covering.  They were the equivalent of widows in biblical times. Yet Mary worshipped. And at the Resurrection of this dear brother all was restorred.

Perhaps, the reason things appear to be taking so long is because you have convinced yourself that the time to resurrect what is left of your heart is long over due. Maybe you have decided like Martha to be bitter. Or maybe you’re a bystander who doesn’t have a clue of who Jesus is and what He’s capable of doing.  Or just maybe it’s not you at all. Perhaps, there are still tendencies in the one God gave permission to find you that must be irrevocably dead by all fleshly accounts before God ressurects him, unties hid hands, arms, and feet, and opens his eyes. At any rate my suggestion ladies is that you take your cue from Mary and worship in your meantime knowing that had a sinhle thing happened in your life a moment sooner maybe you wouldn’t fully appreciate what Christ wants you to understand about why He waited.  In retrospect I am grateful He waited to bless me with the man I desired as my husband because I know He waited because He loves me.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Calm Down and Wait…Father Still Knows Best

I’ve been going through a bunch of older posts and I’m sure this one here is so much more for me than many of you…but just in case…I’m re-posting with a few revisions…

I remember not long ago waking up to an inevitable mess…well scratch that…it was definitely avoidable. I just didn’t act quickly enough and there goes the rest.  One of my dogs got sick and though I heard her yelping to go out,  I kind of allowed my sleepiness aka laziness have its way instead….and the moment I realized what was going on, it was too late…YAK!


I know that’s not the most aesthetically pleasing picture, but imagine how I felt about the smell!

EEEW!!!  Out steps the dog and in steps ODOBAN….

Anyway, while Angel was whining,  I didn’t just lay silent in bed.  I’m a light sleeper so I actually responded, “Calm down, just wait!”  Yes, I treated her as if she were a human and as if she had the ability to do what I’d requested on cue…dog people should get that..

But for those of you who either have been misled into thinking that cats are an acceptable companion and not the irritating piece of furry vermin with claws they really are or that you’re perfectly okay with no four-legged critters around, I’ll explain further.


Needless to say, my request was fruitless…she’s a dog and while she obeys many commands and there are days when I just know she “gets me” more than any other human on the planet, she can’t be expected to follow my instruction in mid-yak!  I mean it’s involuntary and like us, when we get sick of something and have to purge, it’s a not so nice feeling that we aren’t exactly able to stomach either…pun intended….


Now that I’ve grossed you out so far…I guess I should find a point here..

Well, unlike my dog, when our Master tells us to calm down and wait, it’s in our best interest because not doing so is the only time there’s a mess to clean up. The kicker is that we do have a choice when we’re told to wait.  images (1)

Why?  Because God loves us so much He allows us to have free will. I mean the Guy spoke and there was night and day so of course He could’ve created of us to obey on demand, but that’s not how God rolls.

The problem is we rarely listen to His advice the first, second, or even third time.  I guilty here!

Yep, sometimes I have to learn my lesson over and over again.

There’s a definite benefit to not worrying, looking at a situation objectively, and listening to what God says before responding irrationally.

I’m learning day by day that while it seems things are taking forever to manifest, God will not leave me hanging for longer than I can bear. And since He knows best, I believe I’ll calm down and wait a while longer.

©2014-2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Stop, Look, and Listen…Then Respond

James 1:19 The Message (MSG)

Act on What You Hear

19-21 Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

  You need to do what you are supposed to do and then you will be able to do what you want to do.

I’ve said that to my son and daughter countless times over the last few months, but this morning I finally decided to listen to my own advice.

I’ve been struggling with a relationship concern so I asked God to help me with it. I reminded Him that I prayed for my Joseph and that I was thankful that He delivered, but I couldn’t understand what was up with me all of a sudden.

It’s like I was in super passive mode.  I wanted to keep it real with him, but the that was where I was running into trouble.


God reminded me that before He brought him into my life and several times since then that He’d told me pretty much the same thing I’d told my children.

Now because I knew my response to my children was the result of them not completing a chore assigned them, I knew what I needed to do that I hadn’t.

I’m relieved God is my Father!  I know He has my best interest in mind and that my opportunity for a loving relationship wasn’t removed, but delayed in a sense by my own hand.  I had a mess to clean up first.

I was told to take things slow.  God knew I needed to get my heart ready.  The pain from my past bred some issues and attitudes that needed to die.  Low self-worth and ungodly soul-ties had to go!

I thought I had it together…

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In theory I believed I was okay with God’s timing, taking things slow, but lately certain tests have proven that I’m not nearly as ready as I need to be.

The problem…

You know those pesky little issues I mentioned earlier that I needed to kill?  Well, perhaps I didn’t exactly put an end to ‘em after all.

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Sure, I let most of the lies that led me to settle for less get sick, but fear of releasing the familiar later had me hooking ‘em up to life support apparently.  Well, today I had a wake- up call…okay, I actually got a few days ago and I’m playing catch up, but you get my point I’m sure.

The issue that cropped up between my beau and I really should not have been an issue at all.  But it became one because of my response to his honesty.  He ultimately had honored what I requested from the very beginning…that he be up front and completely honest.  Yet, I responded to him from an insecure place.

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Well, after some time alone with the Lord and His word, I realized I was the only one in my way.  In effect, by not killing those issues of my past, I prevented myself from being able to slow down in my heart.  I created the delay.

In retrospect, had I done so, I would have been able to consider the proper response.  I would have realized how rash my comments otherwise would have been. But I didn’t stop myself, look at the situation has a whole, or listen to what God had already placed on my heart.

In reality I responded the way I did because I hadn’t fully killed the issues of my past.  Sure I am divorced, but I involuntarily reacted in a way as if I had been dealing with my ex…you know someone I couldn’t trust….someone who had lied everyday of our marriage…someone who disrespected me just because I allowed it.  None of which had been the case with My Joseph…not when we were just friends…not when we decided to step further…

Apparently, I grew accustomed to my affliction.  I was so used to hiding my real feelings that I almost short-circuited my ability to be loved unconditionally. That’s a sacrifice I’m not willing to make again.

So now I’m determined to pull the plug on the pain of my past and embrace my future with confidence.  That said, I’m quite okay with pumping my brakes until God gives me the green light to accelerate from now on.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

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