Just a thought…
Ladies, perhaps you feel good men are hard to find because you’ve misunderstood a few things about God’s design. Men were never designed to be found. The bible says, “when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
I know you’ve heard that before, but peep this. It is a male’s responsibility to first become a grown man. Paul said it best when he acknowledged his transition to manhood as marked by his choice to put childish things away.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11
Note the decision to become mature here.”To put” is intentional. It requires effort. It is not random. It is a natural progression that requires a special type of humility to be a suitable covering for a godly wife. A certain man understands that when he finds you that you are a gift from God to be cherished. This humility isn’t manufactured by your mere presence either, ladies. Rather, this humility is one fostered by a real relationship with God long before he senses the longing to share himself and his purpose with another.
Let’s take Adam. Adam was active in his purpose and openly naked in his relationship with God. God is the one who said, it is not good for man to be alone not Adam. That means Adam was content because he was unaware that something was missing and that’s because nothing was missing. He was complete in himself, however, though God said he was good, it essentially is very good for a man to have a partner in purpose.
Adam was whole. He was mature. He was ready. And when He was ready, God closed his eyes and gave him rest. God performed surgery on Adam. He anesthetized him with a deep sleep and took a part of him to form Eve, his suitable complement.
While the bible is specific about the world’s creation occurring in six days, it makes no mention as exactly how much time it took God to form Eve. Now, it states that He created them both male and female in the first chapter and many scholars have suggested that one day might have been 24 hours to us. Regardless, even if that were the case, that assumption would suggest that Adam and Eve were joined pretty quickly in our estimation now. presented to Adam after he was awakened…hmmm yes and no…notice the sequence. God first closed the place of his flesh. God understood a helper suitable would not be a perfect complement if Adam’s flesh had been open.
A lot has changed since that first union….
So what exactly is your role in this process, you might ask…well, it’s not just to wait idly by for a male to mature into manhood…it’s not to put your life on hold idolizing marriage and the idea of being in love or having a soulmate either. Your job ladies is to be…the helpmate…to the Kingdom of God… yes, to allow God to form you into His good thing first…to teach you a level of grace necessary to receive the heart, hand, and yes habits of the one God’s chosen as your earthly covering. It is a process…sometimes it takes a lot longer than you expect, but it is never too late.
Remember, God’s not obligated to your calendar, watch, or your biological clock.
But Why So Long Lawd?
He is jealous for you! You see God’s jealousy is the only type considered good because His motive for having it is pure love…meaning because He knows the hearts of men…that only He is able to love you and take care of you properly so just any man isn’t good enough for you. That is why it is for your benefit to wait and not rush the process.
Take it from someone who got it wrong twice! God will only allow you to be found by one who’s character most closely resembles His. Likewise, His love for the godly man He’s got in mind for you is just as potent so God’s not willing to present him with anything less than a good thing either.
Your job is to allow God to show you your true self. Be prepared to see the good, bad, and ugly. No, I’m not talking about just physically but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet, when God is readying you to be found, your perception of the role of a wife changes. You might notice that all of a sudden you feel a longing to be joined with another for a reason greater than your once selfish desires. Instead now you want a partner to share your purpose for the Kingdom together. All of a sudden you have a sense of compassion for others that you might not have had before. That compassion is bred from learning to appropriately receive the love of Christ in our hearts no matter what our past patterns were.
Ladies, we are not built to just incubate children. We have the ability to nurture everything we receive. When God is forming you as He did Eve, your mindset shifts to think of whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable and not of gossip, slander, lies, and malice. When we are being formed by God for our spouse, be glad that God takes his time! Depending on all you have been through by not doing things God’s way, it will take longer for God to heal the areas necessary so you can be ready to receive the certain man he has for you. If you have had low self-esteem, God wants you to spend time with him so He can reveal to you how truly beautiful and brilliant he made you to be. In a very real way, God gives you new eyes to see yourself and others as He does. As you seek God’s presence, your patience in your process will be strengthened.
You’re able to say and mean, “God, since you are my husband now, make me the wife suitable to bring Your purpose in me to fruition.” It takes a lot of faith to say and believe that declaration, but it takes more to worship Christ in spite of what might look like a relational dead end. Take Mary, the sister of Lazarus. Perhaps we can learn another thing or two from Mary though. Keep in mind while she uttered the same words her sister Martha had only moments before her posture was different. She was sad things didn’t appear to workout as planned but she also did what always did in Christ’s presence She worshiped at His feet. And yes Jesus wept. And I don’t believe it was just because of the passing of His friend or because of the lack of faith both Martha, Mary, and the others exemplified when He arrived that made him shed tears. I believe Jesus wept out of pure love. He pure joy over the unexpected ending of pain. Jesus’ tears expressed His compassion on behalf of her and the others who were to bear witness to the miracle He intended just for them despite the presence of those who believed it was impossible. Moreover, I believe he also wept in response to her willingness to surrender her a desire she thought she could not live without to a posture of reliance on His presence for her comfort.
Trust me loves! I understand the single hood struggle is real for those who desire marriage. Yet, God wants you to rely on him to be your protector, your provider, and even your best friend in the mean time because otherwise you have a skewed perspective of who may be a suitable match and God wants you to have the best. Sometimes our wait is longer than even God desires of us because we have refused to come clean. We are too independent and self-assured to admit that we hurt to God as if He does not already feel the pain you do. In the test, Mary and Martha had a reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of Lazarus meant they had no one to provide for them. And before you pop off, understand the times of the day. It was a patriarchal society so Lazarus death was big deal. They were the equivalent of widows in biblical times. Yet Mary worshiped anyway. I truly believe that her relationship with Christ is what accelerated her process of deliverance in this matter. She cried, but realized she still mattered to God regardless. Her honesty with Jesus made room for the manifestation of the miracle she desired. She said just as Martha had, “If you had been here, our brother would not have died.” So she clearly understood that Christ had the ability to restore him from the sickness that threatened to kill him. He had faith that it would be okay because she and Christ were close. Even still, we must take note that Jesus already knew what He would do before He decided to make a pit stop.
If you simply must be real with God so He can unwrap your covering on earth as it is in Heaven. You see Mary and Martha had reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of their brother meant they has no covering.
Perhaps, the reason things appear to be taking so long is because you have convinced yourself that the time to resurrect what is left of your heart is long over due. Maybe you have decided like Martha to be bitter. Or maybe you’re a bystander who doesn’t have a clue of who Jesus is and what He’s capable of doing. Or just maybe it’s not you at all. Perhaps, there are still tendencies in the one God gave permission to find you that must be irrevocably dead by all fleshly accounts before God resurrects him and brings him to you. At any rate my suggestion ladies is that you take your cue from Mary and worship in your meantime knowing that had a single thing happened in your life a moment sooner maybe you wouldn’t fully appreciate what Christ wants you to understand about why He waited. In retrospect I am grateful He waited to bless me with a certain man for my husband. Now I know God waited because He loves me.
©2020 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.
