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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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Because He loves me…God waited

Just a thought…

Ladies, perhaps you feel good men are hard to find because you’ve misunderstood a few things about God’s design. Men were never designed to be found. The bible says, “when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

I know you’ve heard that before, but peep this. It is a male’s responsability to become a man…that man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Paul said it best when he acknowledged his transition to manhood as marked  by his choice to put childish things away. Note the decision to become mature here.”To put” is intentional. It is not random.  It is a natural progression that requires a special type of humility to be a suitable covering for a wife. A man must understand that when he finds you that you are a gift from God to be cherished. This humility isn’t manufactured by your mere presence either, ladies. Rather, this humility is one fostered by a real relationship with God long before he senses the longing to share himself and his purpose with another.

Let’s take Adam. Adam was active in his purpose and openly naked in his relationship with God. God is the one who said, it is not good for man to be alone.. not Adam.  That means Adam was content because he was unaware that something was missing…and that’s because nothing was missing.  He was complete.  He was whole.  He was mature. He was ready. And when He was ready, God closed his eyes and gave him rest…a deep sleep, the bible says…God removed a rib and formed Eve…Eve was presented to Adam after he was awakened…hmmm yes and no…notice the sequence. God first closed the place of his flesh. God understood a helper suitable would not be a perfect complement if Adam’s flesh had been open.

A lot has changed since that first union….

So what exactly is your role in this process, you might ask…well, it’s not just to wait idly by for a male to mature into manhood…it’s not to put your life on hold idolizing marriage and the idea of being in love or having a soulmate either. Your job ladies is to be…the helpmate…to the Kingdom of God… yes, to allow God to form you into His good thing first…to teach you a level of grace necessary to receive the heart, hand, and yes habits of the one God’s chosen as your earthly covering. It is a process…sometimes it takes a lot longer than you expect, but it is never too late.

Remember, God’s not obligated to your calendar, watch, or your biological clock.

But Why So Long Lawd?

He is jealous of you! You see God’s jealousy is the only type considered good because His motive for having it is pure love…meaning because He knows the hearts of men…that only He is able to love you and take care of you properly so just any man isn’t good enough for you. That is why it is for your benefit to wait and not rush the process.

Take it from someone who got it wrong twice! God will only allow you to be found by one who’s character most closely resembles His. Likewise, His love for the godly man He’s got in mind for you is just as potent so God’s not willing to present him with anything less than a good thing either.

Your job essentially is to allow God to show you your true self. Be prepared to see the good, bad, and ugly. No, I’m not talking physically but internally. When you seek Him first, the all these things is not limited to the tangible ladies. Some of you might have an independent woman attitude like I did.  Yet, when God is readying you to be found you notice that all of a sudden you feel a longing to be joined with another…to do life with a partner. Some might have never thought of having a child, but all of a sudden you have the desire to be around children.  Some of you might shriek at the thought of a homeless person coming near you and all of a sudden you have a sense of compassion that prompts you to dream up a center to help the homeless transition off the streets.  Ladies, as you press into Him the desire to gossip leaves. These things, ladies, are the attributes of God’s character.

These things are new eyes to see yourself as He does. What’s more those new eyes allow you to see others as He sees them. You might even find yourself grieved over the questions from a young girl wanting to know after being diagnosed with an STD when she can have sex again. You might first judge that she doesn’t know her worth, but later being willing to listen to the voice in your heart whispering, “prostitution” and so instead of sentencing her to the foolishness of her actions, you understand the motive behind her need for an answer…and yet you’re still grieved…so you find yourself praying for her safety and that another means of income present itself so she not be required to put herself in danger night after night only to feed the crying baby in the background…these things…yes, these things including that godly man as your husband will come when you seek God first because by doing so you are prepared for the role of being a wife before the ring or even the relationship…

In fact, seeking God first not only transforms your character and your perspective, but your patience is strengthened.

You’re able to say and mean, “God, since you are my husband now, make me the wife suitable to bring Your purpose in me to fruition.” It takes a lot of faith to say and believe that statement, but it takes even more to worship Christ in spite of what looks like a dead situation as Mary did when Jesus arrived after the death of Lazarus. Perhaps we can learn another thing or two from Mary though. Keep in mind while she uttered the same words her sister Martha had only moments before her posture was different. She was sad things didn’t appear to workout as planned but she also did what always did  in Christ’s presence…she sat and worshipped at His feet.  And yes Jesus wept. Jesus expressed His compassion. And I don’t believe it was just because of the passing of His friend or  because of the lack of faith both Martha, Mary, and the others exemplified when He arrived. I believe Jesus wept out of pure love…pure joy over the unexpected ending of their trial…of their waiting period. Jesus wept because He felt the pain this dear sister felt, but moreso he felt her surrender in her willingness to trust in heart despite what her eyes and mouth witnessed.

So you see…I understand the struggle is real in this single abyss ladies…you want someone to hold you…to protect you…to provide for you and to be your best friend…I do too…especially lately. Yet, God through Christ is all of that and more in your mean time for a reason. It’s not because He wants you to suffer or to wager how long you can keep your legs closed. Christ waits to show up so when He gets there your brokenness leaves no room for faking the funk. You simply must be real with God so He can unwrap your covering on earth as it is in Heaven. You see Mary and Martha had reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of their brother meant they has no covering.  They were the equivalent of widows in biblical times. Yet Mary worshipped. And at the Resurrection of this dear brother all was restorred.

Perhaps, the reason things appear to be taking so long is because you have convinced yourself that the time to resurrect what is left of your heart is long over due. Maybe you have decided like Martha to be bitter. Or maybe you’re a bystander who doesn’t have a clue of who Jesus is and what He’s capable of doing.  Or just maybe it’s not you at all. Perhaps, there are still tendencies in the one God gave permission to find you that must be irrevocably dead by all fleshly accounts before God ressurects him, unties hid hands, arms, and feet, and opens his eyes. At any rate my suggestion ladies is that you take your cue from Mary and worship in your meantime knowing that had a sinhle thing happened in your life a moment sooner maybe you wouldn’t fully appreciate what Christ wants you to understand about why He waited.  In retrospect I am grateful He waited to bless me with the man I desired as my husband because I know He waited because He loves me.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Fix that Door and Move On!

Laughter is my best medicine. I must find the funny in everything to function and no, I’m not mental!

So…basically, I planned to go to bowling the other day…was dressed and for a change would have actually been on time (the Lord is yet working on me in this area)

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Anyway…I go to open the door to leave and there I am all dolled up (yep, I’m a bit girlie girl)…purse and keys in one hand, the door knob in the other…considering my options…

So I decided to break out my tools…yes and I know how to use them.SwaggerGirl_Cape

So finally I get to the point of my title…I couldn’t leave until I fixed the door…

It made me consider my current relational status…I don’t consider being single who I am…which was further confirmed by Sunday’s message…I know my purpose as a follower of Christ and I still consider myself a wife…I just know I’m meant to be one to the right one.

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I just happen to be in “transition”…yeah…that has a nice little ring to it.

You see…though I was heading bowling that night, I was still trying to wrap my head around what was to transpire the next day.

My ex-husband had planned to visit my daughter from Little Rock, and because I’m not allowing my daughter out of my sight for any reason, I had to go as well…

It wasn’t unforgiveness, but definitely uneasiness…

I had been sort of dreading the reunion because I didn’t want what usually happened to happen again… there were always “misunderstandings!”

I thought…I want him to know that I have no hard feelings, but I also don’t want him to think I have “other feelings” either.

See my dilemma?

It was always a catch 22…if I rejected speaking to him, I was thought to hate him…if I was nice…I was expected to remarry him…

I had been praying about our interaction all week and asking God to reveal to me if I had any unforgiveness lurking in my heart that went unchecked…God confirmed that I had forgiven him, however, that I needed to still endure this test.

 

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Well, prayer works…the Lord showed me that just as I’d left alcoholism alone nearly 8 years ago and since had several tests…and yes…though I’ve drank a little…like 3 times within that time…He showed me how I have no taste for that life or the liquor itself anymore…in essence, I had to be exposed to it to know I’m completely done…

Hey, I’m not knocking anyone who drinks, I just know my boundaries now…that’s something I never really had before…for drinking or relationships…

Just pass me a Green Tea and the one God has chosen for me!

I guess you really know that you have forgiven and closed the door to the hurt of your past when you find yourself praying for that person and not in one of those, “God get ’em prayers!”

My point in all this is that God showed me that I had to fix the broken places in this past relationship to properly close the door before I would truly have my heart free enough to receive the man God has for me.  I did what I needed to do.  Maybe it’s time you do the same.

 

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So I’m single again…just call me Rachel

Random info…continue at your own risk…unedited so yes there are typos…

“Uh huh…I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. It’s not God’s will so this is goodbye.”

I know…I know…it seems like something straight out of a Hallmark movie channel script, right? well, it’s not…at least not yet.

Those were the words I said two days ago to the man I assumed would be my husband when he called.

I know I’d made the decision to end things in my heart weeks if not months ago over and over.  I just couldn’t seem to make my mind and mouth cooperate until that very moment.

I’d considered a bunch over the passed few months…how I felt about him…how I’d been tested in forgiveness and loyalty…how I’d explored the extent of Godly submission. I thought originally I’d just been rebellious…that the Jezebel  spirit I thought was buried had resurfaced….I didn’t realize until Monday morning that I was wrong…that the conflict I’d experienced wasn’t internal as much as it was external…that I hadn’t yet decided to remove the yoke that had me bound…that I’d had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach about him for a reason. He was a man of God, yet still a fatal distraction.

I can almost applaud satan for his cunning if I didn’t hate him so much.  For several months, I was misled and almost settled…eagerly looking for signs to match what I knew God shared with me…that my gifts needed to first be surrendered at the feet of the man of God…I know God led me to Memphis for a reason…yet all the while, I was misdirected by talk…no real action…promises with no real manifestation.  His attempt to coax me with promises of financial security were never a temptation.  I think I’m sure I loathe an arrogant mind more than idiocy itself.
I thought…maybe I’m out of line…I’m not suppose to challenge…so I tried not to…as days turned into weeks. ..the more I was inspired to write and study God’s word…pictures of me sparked senseless debates about having too many admirers on Facebook and being too busy for him…the desire was expressed that I not work as his wife…that he’d take care of all I needed…yet…since moving here, there was never a time I felt comfortable asking his help…so I struggled in silence…I was humbled I know by God…yet, I learned to have no problem asking for help from others…friends and family…the one time courage welled in me to ask him…he complied…with griping…I watched my account for 2 weeks…thinking his type would reverse the monies paid out of spite…

Why on earth would I assume that of him?

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I’m sure now that even that response was attributed to God’s provision for His daughter…by any means necessary…I considered the character of love…kind, patient, not boastful or rude…yet, the words “I love you” fell so effortlessly from a mouth only meeting the opposite.

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I came to myself…realized I hadn’t written…really written in weeks…inspiration was drained from fear of a controlling spirit...

Yet, I remembered I hadn’t compromised myself…images (1)

I shook off the guilt of accepting his gift of help for the one bill he paid and embraced the gift of goodbye…

A LUNCH with a friend Sunday shed light where my flashlight had gone dim…that he was a distraction…all talk and no action…that I needed to finish my books…that’s she’s waiting and so are others…

Monday morning God confirmed to me the man of God’s feet of which my gifts were to be laid…where I’d been fed all along…where I could learn more…right in my face, but I was fatally distracted momentarily.

To think I wouldn’t even have known the magnitude of or the existence of fatal distractions had not more than a year prior my cousin not intervened . One CD captured an intriguing speaker teaching God’s word so curiosity led me to Hope.

I’m looking forward to handling my Father’s business…not concerned with dating…marriage…and all that jazz…just handling my Father’s business…so yes, I’m single again…willing to be sought…truly courted by the Jacob God has chosen…waiting years might be God’s will…Rachel waited  on the other side of 14 years while her purposed position was prepared so regardless of my relational track so far…I’m good alone…not in the least lonely…handling God’s business is on my agenda from now on so just call me Rachel.

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©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

Why am I still posting about Marriage? Man, I don’t know!

Trust this obedience to the Holy Spirit has me a bit spooked myself, but I’m going with it….

Yes, while I was perusing some of my old posts I came across this same little issue and felt the need to further discuss it….again…

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Okay I mentioned this the other day and the day before that and apparently last year, but anyway…here’s what I’ve come up with so far…

On a road trip last year, I found myself giving another young lady some advice about her relationship…go figure….rather, I told her waiting is her best option when she mentioned,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

It’s not the first time I’d heard her say that and given my own history, I couldn’t dare allow her to make the same mistakes I had because of impatience.  Also, after talking some more with her and another friend, we all realized the one thing we had in common.  We were all sort of angry with our men at the time…well, one girl seemed to be chronically upset with hers, but that’s a subject for another day.  I guess the situation wasn’t as funny as our laughter made it seem at the time, but as we vented we realized our abrupt actions led to a trivial pursuit of having it our way. Of course, the guys on the road trip gave us a hand in that revelation.images

Nonetheless, perhaps our little battle of the sexes proved something fruitful…

Oh did I mention that this was a Single’s Trip meant for good, clean, fellowship and not hook-ups…I just thought I’d throw that in noting the irony of the motives behind some who join Single Ministries…

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I digress as usual…

Anyway, we all (guys and gals) seemed to want the same thing in a committed relationship: to be loved unconditionally, respected, and appreciated; but men and women are different and it takes time for those differences to either compliment or repel one another.  Also it definitely helps if you know what makes you feel loved. Check out 5 love languages for singles…Awesome read!!!

Given that understanding, it’s important to know that marriage doesn’t start with the wedding.  It starts with God.  Unfortunately, however, we live in a microwave culture and because so many don’t take the time to wait on God’s approval, provision, and timing, far too many marriages end shortly after the honeymoon.

So again…what can be done to get us on the right track to having the love that we feel we deserve….well for starters it could help that you are lovable.

I know that seemed a bit mean, but hear me out.

Are you treating people like you really want to be treated or are you going through life faking the funk occasionally and biting people’s heads off the rest of the time.

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The bible says, to have friends you must show yourself friendly…wouldn’t it stand to support that to have love you need to ensure that you’re lovable..

Now, I have had a past that I can’t really repeat right now…well because of copyright stuff but we’ve all got one…good, bad, ugly…some we wish we could completely eliminate from the planet…and then again some of you really would just prefer that  some of the guys and gals of your pasts would just disappear from the planet instead…

Whatever the case…the only way to get beyond the pain of yesterday is to face it and bury it…not burying it in a shallow grave…completely obliterating it the way we wish we could do that person who broke our hearts…that kind of annihilation…otherwise, those good guys and girls who are willing to stick it out with become a casualty of the war in your heart…some end up wounded and others end up dead…

Yes, you’ve successfully but not so much created another heartbroken zombie like yourself because you refuse to seek or accept the healing and help you need to be whole so you won’t be a ticking time bomb to others.

I know this post is all over the place, but I feel the need to spread the word about the importance of being whole yourself before you even think of tagging along with another person in your journey.

I don’t know why, but God does and that’s enough for today.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Rush the Process

 

Last year a friend made this comment about her relationship at the time,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

Apparently her biological clock was ticking louder than she cared to hear…images (1)

I mean really?  We’ve all seen some aspect of a “Bridezilla” whether on the reality show or in reality period so I’m just curious…

Question:  Are you on a mission to be married too?

I’ve had to even sit down and have a pow wow with myself on this one.

 

Marriage is a big step…one I’ve been there, done it wrong twice….Do I even want to go there again?

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Having worked at a marriage ministry for a couple years, I picked up a few pointers. Considering all the wedding announcements posted on social media and just as many if not more divorce filings plastered in the papers on a daily basis, I think it’s fair that I post a little info on the matter as well…

A bit of background…

I can’t tell you the number of calls I received from wives calling to purchase a certain book about “manhood” as gift for their husbands.  Some even called under the guise that their husbands asked them to order it for them.  Yeah Right! Now some might have been legit, but it was something about the desperation in these women’s voices that clued me in otherwise.

Wow…and yes, I admit there were times when I told them point blank,

“You might not want to do that.”

These wives really wanted to figure out how they could “make” their husbands be the men they knew they could be.  While I felt their plight, I also understood one thing then that I’m actually finding issues with grasping today.

“You can’t really change a man.”

Moreover, you really should try to do it either.

Yep, and for the guys….

“You really can’t change a woman either.”

Yeah, I had just as many men were calling requesting certain materials for their to get  some “act right” as as it were!

DISCLAIMER: Gentlemen, if you are dealing with a fiercely domineering woman, the last thing you want to do is to give her that book as a “token of your appreciation.”

It won’t be appreciated.  In fact, it will likely be the start of a serious verbal assault. Sad but true. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

 


For those single and seeking

Pray that God make you ready to receive the love you need.

I know that seems simple, but I’ve had to learn I hadn’t been ready to receive the righteous love God wanted me to have in a marital relationship in the past because I had been unwilling to truly accept God’s love for me first.  I also want to point out that I said the love you need and not what you want….there is a difference…

Single Ladies and Gents,

The love you need is not going to be from someone to placate you by acquiescing to your every whim.  Rather, the love you need will bring out the best in you by any means necessary.  Yes that includes letting you know occasionally that your stuff stinks too…

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With Love of course….

Regardless, examine your motives for marriage….it’s ministry!!!

Yep both good marriages and a bad marriages have the potential to spread a message.  I know it seems counterproductive to say that, but what I mean is people are always watching.  If you have children,  you have a captive audience so that’s something to think about isn’t it?

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That said, if you’re not married yet, take a good hard look at your relationship and consider whether you put that “thang” together yourself  or if it was the Lord’s doing!

Yes, I meant to say “thang” and yes I can get country…Memphis is rubbing off on me again…next thing you know I’ll be using words like “junt.”

…moving on

Though I’m technically single, I’ve learned to be wholly connected to something greater in this process. So no matter how loud my clock ticks, I’m no longer willing to rush who God’s approved as my covenant partner for anyone…not even for myself.

©2015-2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

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