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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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new year

Leave It in Last Year!

Dear 2017,

Our relationship is over. Our parting is bittersweet, but necessary. You have taught me so much about myself! I’ve been emotional, but I toyed with the notion of becoming numb again because “feeling” for my own sake hadn’t been my usual if that makes sense. Whether it does or not, know that in the last few months I’ve grown more comfortable with the idea of “feeling” for my sake. I like making decisions without worrying whether it is “okay” with everyone else first.  I’ve gotten real acquainted with the freedom of saying, “No!” So I guess that’s definitely something to thank you for 2017!

You offered a few situations that almost convinced me to close the door to my heart but God’s love kept me thawed!  I am more sure than ever of who I need to partner with for my destiny to be fulfilled. Better than that, I’ve learned who I deserve and my worth. I’ve become keenly aware of the times and ways I’ve settled for less and I’m just not doing that anymore.

A Year of Mended Souls

I’m mended! A chance meeting with a few ladies turned into a life long relationship of healing and wholeness. I shared things I’d never shared with another and felt safe there. This was the beginning of a “breaking.” The breaking was required and I am so thankful for those tears and cheers. That breaking helped me make room in my heart for a few other ladies that I consider very near and dear to my life. I thank God for His freeing grace to allow me to breathe in true friendship and to understand how to be a real friend. I’ve learned that true friendships require vulnerability. I’m more confident in God’s choices for me.

Needs Turned Into Desires

I was able to reconsider my preferences for my future husband. Certain character traits I thought I couldn’t live with have grown on me I suppose and others I thought I couldn’t live without don’t matter as much. I need and desire complete honesty with whomever God has chosen and before it seemed I lost sight of that. I settled. No more. I’ve grown.

My ability to hear God’s voice heightened because of you 2017! Though I still struggled with silencing the voice of my “inner me” at times, I finally see myself the way God sees me. I have my moments. They’ve become fewer and fewer. I’ve been intentional with my comings and goings and those whom I allow in my circle. My circle’s gotten ironically snug with less people. I’m so cool with that. I’m more comfortable in my skin…just being with people who get me…even with those who don’t, but don’t judge me for just being.

 

Pride and Patience...

The saga continues…however, I’m finally allowing myself to receive more of God’s grace for slip ups and go offs…Hey, I still have moments.

I Can See Clearly Now!

Yes, it’s cliche but also a fact….found out the reason I felt like I was going blind at night was because my vision had indeed changed. I have astigmatism and I needed to get some special contacts to see clearer….I realize that’s been true even in my physical and emotional contacts. I’ve grown quite attached to  a few people I now consider an extended family. You’d think I’d known these ladies all my life, but God knew I needed new contacts to replace those who clouded my vision the year before. I’m grateful for God’s grace to reunite me with with my sisters across the bridge too. God has again proven His faithfulness in providing who I need when I need them.

A Year of Packing and Unpacking

It seems I’ve been a nomad for years, but 2017, you  really had me in a tug-o-war with whether the place God planted me nearly three years ago was meant for me. I can laugh now at the notion to “break camp,” but yeah I wanted to uproot myself again and head elsewhere because vulnerability hadn’t been my strong suit though I tried. Did I mention patience wasn’t either? Oh yeah…still a work in PROCESS! Still, I’m glad I stuck around so far. It’s given me time to consider “ME”….something I hadn’t done for far too long…I’m glad for the connections and disconnections you brought.

I can now see a counterfeit coming a mile away. Most keep their distance and I’m grateful for My Father making me BS repellent. LOL…I’m extra…I couldn’t resist.

Still, I thought I’d put away many of my insecurities before, but 2017 you showed me that I’d only packed them up. I hadn’t moved them out of my mind, heart, and life yet. So just as I gave away things I’d accumulated from others last week, I did the same to homeless emotions and disappointments. I had no more room for lies like these:

You’re not pretty enough!

You’re too old to start over!

You’re not his type!

It will just be another marriage of convenience!

He could never love you for who you are!

You bore everyone to tears when you speak!

Who would ever read your books!

You never finish anything you start!

You’re just like your mother!

You are a horrible mother!

You’re a liar!

You’re selfish!

You look like a cheetah without make-up, who’d want you?

You’ll always be broke!

Take the hint, his actions show that God lied to you about him!

You are not meant for marriage!

I didn’t just pack them and move them to a different spot in my head or heart this time. I signed, sealed, and delivered it right back to where it belonged: The pit of Hell marked: 

RETURN TO SENDER!!!

NO FORWARDING ADDRESS

Those lies are no longer my property. I don’t want them and they were never mine to own. I just allowed those things to fill the gaps where God’s Word and Presence were meant to give me peace before. Now I have that peace and that rest. Still, I almost allowed this year to past without embracing it fully. I regret nothing.  I realize I cannot go into anything new without being able to handle it with care…I must pay attention to the details and I must see what God has shown…I can no longer see and deny what I’ve seen because of insecurities and doubts. They have no place in my new year…

Spills, Dropped Keys, and Closed Doors!

The last few days, 2017 you reminded me to “take my time” over and over again.  Yet, it seemed I could not walk two steps without spilling something, dropping something, or allowing something to overflow as I poured. I was rushing for no reason…allowing things to fall out of my hands…Who knew that was all God was trying to get me to do all long…let go…allow things to fall where they would…to take my time…to leave the rest to Him…

I’m loving the thought of being able to drop everything and rest in God’s Presence before I can start over.  I learned even the hard moments I’ve had with my son and daughter in 2017 were worth the smiles we’ve shared when I forgive and move on…this is unconditional…it’s getting easier for me to love blindly…I’m okay with being reckless with my love and I am more aware that what I have to offer is worthy of God’s best. I’m confident I will receive nothing less than that now.

In fact, I was able to close the door on one romantic relationship I thought I’d already been over a long time ago. I wasn’t healed until the moment I was confronted with the need to kill it two months ago. I would not have been ready to face that door a moment sooner than it came. God knew when I was ready to lock it forever. I mastered my first grown-up Good bye! No tears…No harsh words…just peace and distance.

Not Unfinished…Just a New Direction

With that, this is a long letter, but an even longer-awaited farewell, 2017. So to all the un-kept promises, unmet goals, unsaid words, and unplanned agendas, unrequited love, and unpublished works,  I won’t say I’ll see you later because I won’t. I’m choosing to start from scratch, take my time, and allow God’s Peace and Presence continue to fill in the gaps to my process. I guess this means I’m leaving you 2017 and everything attached to you in last year!

©2018 Nadia Davis. All Right reserved.

Resolve to Receive

I had some really great post ideas yesterday and then I got busy with the everything of life and I completely forgot what I wanted to say.  It was a worthy opponent for my attention though. I shared laughs with my son and songs with my daughter.

So I was determined to still post something today because it is the first year of a new year and why not. It’s what bloggers do isn’t it? I mean we write about stuff associated with themes, holidays, trips, and travels, right? Well, I cannot say that I exactly have writer’s block, but something more interesting is going on in my heart and mind at the moment so I’m just sort of flowing.

So the title I realize now was not exactly meant to be a title perhaps. I believe it was a simple directive. It was definitely from my Father and specifically intended for me. However, as nature would have it, I share. I’m generous so at times I give what’s been given to me before I have the time or patience to digest it. So my amnesia of sorts gave me the time required to ponder the statement before handing it over for your perusal.

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I, like so many other people have begun new things and ideas today. Yet, by next week over half of those intentions will be left unsaid, undone, unfulfilled by many.

I’ve decided that won’t be my lot! So I’ve considered my list. You know the list we all have for our supposed Mr. or Mrs. Right, but then we end up checking off two of the 20 items we desire for the sake of having Mr. or Mrs. Right Now instead. I’ve determined not to settle for less another day in my life. I realize my worth and I know who God has is going to treasure me for me.images (15)

I understand now how important my ability to receive is to my destiny in this moment. So it is my prayer that I don’t take this moment or the many moments that follow for granted…that I make an active effort…to be receptive of the right things and people going forward. I’ve decided that I trim more weight by eliminating unnecessary people and places rather than skipping desserts.

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I love to cook and bake so it’s pretty pointless to say I will completely eliminate sugar from my life this year or any other year. Still whether on my plate or in my relationships, I finally know my limitations. I know my boundaries. I’ve learned to disconnect wisely and proceed with caution when necessary.

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Before I’m sure my fight or flight switch was broken. Now my discernment is heightened. I know it is only because I have resolved to receive the wisdom My Heavenly Father offered. So gone is the stubbornness of my youth and the contention of my heart to “overthink” every step regarding relationships. I know I hear God’s voice clearly. I know more that He loves me too much to allow me to be distracted again by nonsense so for this day…this year….and the years to come, I’ve resolved to receive my covenant partner, my position, and my destiny.perfect love

 

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved

Just Chunk It!

I’m amazed at how my sudden desire to move again hasn’t wrecked my nerves!  I’m sure it has nothing to do with my naturally calm-demeanor (insert sarcastic grin here), but everything to do with the peace God promises according to Phil. 4:7.
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Over the last few weeks I’ve gone through a lot of my clothes, jewelry, shoes, and stuff. I’ve had an overwhelming urge to just chunk it all and start from scratch…a new beginning for a new year if you will.
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Now that may seem like the lazy way to pack, but hear me out.  There’s nothing like moving to help you realize how much unnecessary junk you’ve collected over the years. So yes, I’m ready to let it all go!

That said, perhaps you too have accumulated a lot of junk that your next destination could do without…I’m not talking tangible baggage here either….Baggage is heavy and I guarantee if you are holding onto a bunch, it is the very thing preventing your move to the next level.

I’m just saying, chunk it!  Yes, we have all been through something…some worse than others, but what I’ve come to realize lately is my constant rehearsing of the events I can’t change is only going to prevent me from moving forward…in relationships, in family, in life…period.

So what if they didn’t apologize! What does it matter now that you were passed up for the promotion!So no one noticed your new shoes! Who cares?
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I’m tired of looking back…tired of looking through old stuff attempting to salvage things that have no place in my present or future.

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So I’m getting rid of the negativity, low-self-worth, rage, and dysfunction…Yes, I said rage…I can be a bit of a hothead at times…image

Anyway, I’m sure there are plenty more that I could do without…
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Regardless,today I’m serving notice to the not-so nice things I’ve uncovered about myself: I’m traveling light from now on.

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