Leave It in Last Year!

Dear 2017,

Our relationship is over. Our parting is bittersweet but necessary. You have taught me so much about myself! I’ve been emotional, but I toyed with the notion of becoming numb again because “feeling” for my own sake hadn’t been my usual if that makes sense. Whether it does or not, know that in the last few months I’ve grown more comfortable with the idea of “feeling” for my sake. I like making decisions without worrying whether it is “okay” with everyone else first.  I’ve gotten real acquainted with the freedom of saying, “No!” So I guess that’s definitely something to thank you for 2017!

You offered a few situations that almost convinced me to close the door to my heart but God’s love kept me thawed!  I am surer than ever of who I need to partner with for my destiny to be fulfilled. Better than that, I’ve learned who I deserve and my worth. I’ve become keenly aware of the times and ways I’ve settled for less and I’m just not doing that anymore.

A Year of Mended Souls

I’m mended! A chance meeting with a few ladies turned into a life long relationship of healing and wholeness. I shared things I’d never shared with another and felt safe there. This was the beginning of a “breaking.” The breaking was required and I am so thankful for those tears and cheers. That breaking helped me make room in my heart for a few other ladies that I consider very near and dear to my life. I thank God for His freeing grace to allow me to breathe in true friendship and to understand how to be a real friend. I’ve learned that true friendships require vulnerability. I’m more confident in God’s choices for me.

Needs Turned Into Desires

I was able to reconsider my preferences for my future husband. Certain character traits I thought I couldn’t live with have grown on me I suppose and others I thought I couldn’t live without don’t matter as much. I need and desire complete honesty with whomever God has chosen and before it seemed I lost sight of that. I settled. No more. I’ve grown.

My ability to hear God’s voice heightened because of you 2017! Though I still struggled with silencing the voice of my “inner me” at times, I finally see myself the way God sees me. I have my moments. They’ve become fewer and fewer. I’ve been intentional with my comings and goings and those whom I allow in my circle. My circle’s gotten ironically snug with fewer people. I’m so cool with that. I’m more comfortable in my skin…just being with people who get me…even with those who don’t, but don’t judge me for just being.

 

Pride and Patience...

The saga continues…however, I’m finally allowing myself to receive more of God’s grace for slip-ups and go offs…Hey, I still have moments.

I Can See Clearly Now!

Yes, it’s cliche but also a fact….found out the reason I felt like I was going blind at night was that my vision had indeed changed. I have astigmatism and I needed to get some special contacts to see clearly…I realize that’s been true even in my physical and emotional contacts. I’ve grown quite attached to a few people I now consider an extended family. You’d think I’d known these ladies all my life, but God knew I needed new contacts to replace those who clouded my vision the year before. I’m grateful for God’s grace to reunite me with my sisters across the bridge too. God has again proven His faithfulness in providing who I need when I need them.

A Year of Packing and Unpacking

It seems I’ve been a nomad for years, but 2017, you really had me in a tug-o-war with whether the place God planted me nearly three years ago was meant for me. I can laugh now at the notion to “break camp,” but yeah I wanted to uproot myself again and head elsewhere because vulnerability hadn’t been my strong suit though I tried. Did I mention patience wasn’t either? Oh yeah…still a work in PROCESS! Still, I’m glad I stuck around so far. It’s given me time to consider “ME”….something I hadn’t done for far too long…I’m glad for the connections and disconnections you brought.

I can now see a counterfeit coming a mile away. Most keep their distance and I’m grateful for My Father making me BS repellent. LOL…I’m extra…I couldn’t resist.

Still, I thought I’d put away many of my insecurities before, but 2017 you showed me that I’d only packed them up. I hadn’t moved them out of my mind, heart, and life yet. So just as I gave away things I’d accumulated from others last week, I did the same to homeless emotions and disappointments. I had no more room for lies like these:

You’re not pretty enough!

You’re too old to start over!

You’re not his type!

It will just be another marriage of convenience!

He could never love you for who you are!

You bore everyone to tears when you speak!

Who would ever read your books!

You never finish anything you start!

You’re just like your mother!

You are a horrible mother!

You’re a liar!

You’re selfish!

You look like a cheetah without make-up, who’d want you?

You’ll always be broke!

Take the hint, his actions show that God lied to you about him!

You are not meant for marriage!

I didn’t just pack them and move them to a different spot in my head or heart this time. I signed, sealed, and delivered it right back to where it belonged: The pit of Hell marked: 

RETURN TO SENDER!!!

NO FORWARDING ADDRESS

Those lies are no longer my property. I don’t want them and they were never mine to own. I just allowed those things to fill the gaps where God’s Word and Presence were meant to give me peace before. Now I have that peace and that rest. Still, I almost allowed this year to past without embracing it fully. I regret nothing.  I realize I cannot go into anything new without being able to handle it with care…I must pay attention to the details and I must see what God has shown…I can no longer see and deny what I’ve seen because of insecurities and doubts. They have no place in my new year…

Spills, Dropped Keys, and Closed Doors!

The last few days, 2017 you reminded me to “take my time” over and over again.  Yet, it seemed I could not walk two steps without spilling something, dropping something, or allowing something to overflow as I poured. I was rushing for no reason…allowing things to fall out of my hands…Who knew that was all God was trying to get me to do all along…let go…allow things to fall where they would…to take my time…to leave the rest to Him…

I’m loving the thought of being able to drop everything and rest in God’s Presence before I can start over.  I learned even the hard moments I’ve had with my son and daughter in 2017 were worth the smiles we’ve shared when I forgive and move on…this is unconditional…it’s getting easier for me to love blindly…I’m okay with being reckless with my love and I am more aware that what I have to offer is worthy of God’s best. I’m confident I will receive nothing less than that now.

In fact, I was able to close the door on one romantic relationship I thought I’d already been over a long time ago. I wasn’t healed until the moment I was confronted with the need to kill it two months ago. I would not have been ready to face that door a moment sooner than it came. God knew when I was ready to lock it forever. I mastered my first grown-up Goodbye! No tears…No harsh words…just peace and distance.

Not Unfinished…Just a New Direction

With that, this is a long letter, but an even longer-awaited farewell, 2017. So to all the un-kept promises, unmet goals, unsaid words, and unplanned agendas, unrequited love, and unpublished works,  I won’t say I’ll see you later because I won’t. I’m choosing to start from scratch, take my time, and allow God’s Peace and Presence continue to fill in the gaps to my process. I guess this means I’m leaving you and everything attached to you in last year!

©2018 Nadia Davis. All Right Reserved.

Who this Lady Wants!

Funny it’s probably been two months since I wrote most of this, but today God’s given me permission to post it.

I was tickled last week when my pastor mentioned an upcoming relationship series entitled “what a woman wants/what a man needs.” I thought, SPOILER ALERT!  It won’t be the first time my posts and private devotion have matched the sermon message so I’m on the right track or at the very least great minds think alike.  Anyway, I suppose some insecurities had to die in me first so here goes.

So the question was posted on social media recently:

The question of the Day:

What are single women of God looking for in a husband?  Yes I know a man who finds a wife finds a good thing, but women, what type man are you praying finds you? Define some characteristics of a good Godly man.  Let the conversation begin. I’d love to hear your opinions.

And so began my synopsis…

In all seriousness…it got me to thinking about who I really want as a husband…so I penned…

A while back when I was asked this question, I answered, “I want a man who loves God more than he could ever love me,” but over the years God showed me that while on the surface my request seemed humble and even sincere, it was a shell of what my heart truly desired.

So God had to get with me…to show me I wasn’t being real…that my request was made out of an extreme place.

Since my ex-husband and I were spiritually unequally yoked  I figured I was taking the best approach with my request, but then I began working at a marriage ministry. Who knew you could be unequally yoked with another Christian? While there I found myself witnessing countless malnourished ministerial marriages. Husbands had forgotten God said for them to love their wives. I mean Christ already died for the church, yet first ladies had become permanent figures on a pedestal instead of the relational and fun-loving women God designed them to be. There was no balance!

Yet, the reality I loathed was closer to home than I cared to admit even before I married my now ex-husband. I hated the dead air between the union of my former in-laws. How I despise fakeness! A married couple should never sleep in separate bedrooms.  I still remember leaning on the hallway wall in shock over this man-made marital mess! But somewhere down the line, codependent tendencies lured me into the mindset so many reading this feel, “well at least we’re still together!”

Seriously? For real? This thinking goes well beyond just wanting to be happy! At its core, it’s a surrendering of one’s willingness to be Healthy…so for a long while, I decided I did it wrong twice so why bother getting to know another disappointment?

Wow…pretty negative, huh? Exactly! Absolutely! Bitterness is what led that thought and what caged my heart from even God’s delicate touch for so long.

Yes, I even kept God at arm’s length because I refused to admit that yes, I desired the type of marriage God intended.

Sure, I haven’t been bitter with men for a long while, but until now I hadn’t had the courage to admit what this girl wants…yes who I want in a husband!

I want to marry my best friend. I want to have things in common with him only he and I know about one another. I want to be able to go out dressed to the nines or dressed down and never feel like I can’t be myself with him. I want to be spoiled with affection. Quality time has always been my preference above quantity.  Let’s face it sometimes I don’t want to be bothered either. I want a man who will appreciate my assets and minister to me in the areas where I perceive I lack. I want him to understand that though I’m tough, my truest form is delicate. I want him to take the time to listen. I don’t expect him to understand. I know our brains are wired differently, but I want him to make the effort. I want him to do spontaneous and romantic little things just because he cherishes my presence. I want him to love my children as his own. When I walk into a room full of people, I want him to look at me like I’m the only one in the room. I want him to be vulnerable enough to not just cry in front of me, but for his heart to feel so safe joined with mine that he is comfortable to even allow those tears to flow in my lap if need be.  I want a husband who not only knows me but who knows that the only way he truly does so is with Our Heavenly Father’s permission-that access to my heart is only granted because of his own growing relationship with Christ. He must be willing to grow with me spiritually, emotionally, and exponentially. I want my husband to be humble enough to pray, wait, and listen to God’s response in how he can love me best…in every way…to pray for me to receive all he has to offer…to pray with me daily…to never be ashamed of my testimony or threatened by my gifts or accomplishments. I want to admire my husband’s brilliant mind, but laugh myself silly with him just because. I want someone who protects me and who trusts his judgment of me if his family disagrees with his choice to marry me. I want my husband to understand the importance of family time as a priority.  I want him to understand that our time together alone is a priority even above the children. I really suppressed myself in my former marriage and I don’t ever want to feel as if I need to resort to that again. I want to my suitable complement.  I want someone who isn’t afraid to challenge me in love or be challenged by me in the same way. I want someone who’s been through something, but not still broken from past failures. I want someone who is vulnerable enough to admit they have fallen before, yet humble enough to understand God is who helped him get back up. I don’t want someone afraid to be themselves because I can smell a counterfeit. I always have.  I was just too broken before so I settled. I don’t want a man who is money hungry.  I can’t stand arrogance. I like nice things and I appreciate a man who works to get those things, but those things shouldn’t have him because those things don’t move me.

Man, take me for ice cream to laugh and listen…I’m good. The little things matter.

God’s let me know my future husband desires children of his own. I desire more children as well so that’s no problem. However, I don’t want to go it alone. I want him to be there for the doctor’s appointments and the delivery.  I want him with me when picking the furniture for the nursery. I want him to want to be there and not to just feel obligated. I want to know he means what he says. He must be honest. Even brutal honesty is better than a lie. I’ve said before I don’t want to date any man but my husband so my desire is to be courted. Old school for real…ask your Father permission…treats me like the lady I am all the time…kind of courtship…

Yeah…that is a lot, but I know God has him reserved for me because He wouldn’t have allowed me to finally express who this lady wants otherwise. I know God is able and since He gave me permission to request it, I know He’ll connect me in time with who He’s chosen to be by my side as my husband. Until then, I’m loving doing me because while God’s permitted me to desire what I want in my husband, I’ve finally submitted to His teaching on becoming the wife that he needs as well.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Forgiving and Forgetting is Not an Option Anymore!

A wound superficially covered will cause infection, but bleeding and allowing the wound exposure is often the best way to heal it. At least it is for me…

  • True Forgiveness Requires Grief!
  • It Requires Stages.
  • It Requires that one face the pain of what happened and why it happened.
  • It Requires Identifying who is responsible.

All the answers may never be gathered, but to slap a “Forgive and Forget It” Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound is senseless and now I realize is simply not biblical! The Process Requires the need to not just breathe in God’s redemptive air, but to also bleed…

The Stages of Grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

So now I realize why I had pangs of guilt after thinking of the pain I’ve endured at the hands of others were unwarranted. I didn’t respond out of order. I didn’t respond at all, I reacted.

A response is a statement or action made with thoughtful intention, while a reaction is bred in a tainted petri dish: one where there is the absence of original thought. The patterns are learned, but subconsciously one is not given permission to “unlearn” the things that should be. For instance, I was once led to believe that forgiveness is an all or nothing process.

In retrospect, to say anything is an ALL or NOTHING PROCESS is oxymoronic in itself. Every process requires LAYERS.

I’ve been forced to consider things differently now and I am glad I’ve obliged.

There is a delicate and perpetual PROCESS to forgiveness. One might think, the first step is forgiveness of others is to forgive oneself. It seems plausible considering that to properly love others, you must first properly love yourself. However, I’ve learned that forgiveness of self is often the last step to the process of forgiving another.   Forgiveness it is not merely “letting it go” as the Greek word for forgive, “aphesis” has so often been misapplied. Now the term does mean “let go,” but there are other meanings so don’t wig out on me here. I am still a word nerd so I dissect for the sake of doing so.

“Release” is the definition that resonated with me the most when I researched. I realize now the meaning is more than “releasing the offender from accountability.”  Rather, for me this release is solely for me.  It is for my peace of mind. I release him for my joy. I release her for my rest.  I release them to be my best self!

I have learned to release myself to fully go through the process of grieving the loss of my ability to trust, to set proper boundaries, to receive unconditional love, to be myself without shame or condemnation, and to be angry with the fact that sometimes it seems those who do wrong get away with it. I have also given myself permission to be sad when things don’t work out the way I wish they had and that the thought that denial of what happened or even of what almost happened will make everything better.

I have learned to release the need to bargain with God or myself as to whether I feel comfortable having this person or that person in my life again.  I’m cool with being okay with goodbyes now.  In doing so, I am actively embracing  the freedom of accepting that forgiveness is not one size fits all and that the process is a perpetual one. So, like it hasn’t made or broken me, one error or indiscretion is not an automatic life sentence of condemnation. It is but a mistake…a moment and I have had many moments like those. Undoubtedly, I will likely have many more. Regardless,  just forgiving and forgetting is not an option anymore.

©2020 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Breathe

 

I hadn’t had to use an inhaler for years, but last night I couldn’t breathe…or so I thought. In retrospect, I understand that the last time I really took a breath was longer ago than I care to remember. I suppose I had gotten used to inhaling the toxicity of my yesterdays and so when I was introduced with the freshness of the air I’ve encountered lately, my lungs…no my heart…didn’t know exactly what to do with itself…with myself…with my new norm…

At 1 am I was awakened and it became clear that I should just breathe…that being served is not a crime and that I’d been groomed for this role for at least nine years…hmmm…nine equals harvest…Harvest equals hard work….Harvest equals Heart Work…God has had me in spiritual boot camp and all the while I assumed it was to strengthen me for battle, but the reality is that He was using the issues I’ve faced to weaken me for Worship. I realized the other night at the No Regrets Conference that my best and truest form before my Father and even before others is weakness…that I not only accept that which I cannot do in my own strength, but that I use the pain of my past to fuel my purpose in my present.  It is in my weakness that God shows Himself strong. It is in my weakness that real transparency heals the hearts of others. It is in my weakness that I am keenly aware that I alone am nothing without the breath of God…that all the gifts I possess would be fruitless if God had not been so gracious to stir the hearts of those on the receiving end of them.

So I’m learning to exhale the negative in exchange for the positive…to release the pain to receive the promise…I have finally let go of the loss to redeem the love…that I know now I need and deserve.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Be Fearless

A few weeks ago I stood in awe of how one prayer seemed to transform my being from an insecure shell of a woman into a confident tigress!  

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…A bit Dramatic I know, but I found myself making plans to go jet skiing next month and if God says the same I will!!!

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For years I had been afraid of heights, spiders, and things that goes bump in the night.  Yet, a few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I hadn’t always been afraid of them.

I couldn’t understand why I started being so fearful. I mean when I was a kid, I used to catch spiders and climb trees!  I had never been bitten by a poisonous spider…well when I was pregnant with Kayla I was bitten by something, but it was never identified.

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I still haven’t put my finger on it, but I do know now that it is not the way I was meant to live. I mean I just cracked out of my self-imposed shell of introversion recently so things really feel new to me.  

I guess I can understand why Jesus said for us to be child-like.  

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Children are fearless because they are naturally trusting. Children believe that the one who created them will never hurt intentionally hurt them. For whatever reason over time, I failed to recognize for too long the same is true of my Heavenly Father’s care for me. 

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Whatever the case, I’ve come to realize that I’m alive for a reason and I can’t  fully embrace  what I’m called to do if I’m too fearful to step out of my comfort zone. So I’ve decided to just be fearless! 

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

When Love Knocks…

My Disclaimer…just words I scrawled from my heart a few months ago…and I added a few lines just now…found it today and decided to share…it is what it is…feeling some kinda way…

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When love knocks…

How do you find the courage to answer?  My question seemed pretty simple…only it was met with another question…Have you given yourself permission to receive? I admit I hadn’t before. I’m even reluctant now.  Before, I opened myself and my heart to meet its near demise.

So I questioned whether my silence will make him leave my heart. Yet, I keep finding myself thinking of what his thoughts on this and that are…I’m moved by his brilliant mind.

The heart hopes, but the mind struggles to accept the constancy of this thing…whatever it is…

Had I ever truly loved before? I mean besides the “required” love a Christian woman should possess? How could any of those feelings have been true when I was so fragmented? I didn’t love myself.  I’m so tempted to flee…yet, God won’t allow me to escape…

Before, I had every way of retreat, but I chose to stay despite the warnings…despite God’s offer…I chose bondage over freedom…I chose ridicule over encouragement…I chose to be chosen by “any man.”

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Will regret be my reprieve?  No! My new heart won’t allow it! Surgery alone was the solution! My old one…too beaten…too bruised…misused and stomped…bitterness took love’s place so it had to go!

My heart wanted to smile almost two years ago when the words, “Your husband is a certain man because any man won’t do” met my ears. My countenance fell when I realized the difficulty I had brought on myself by trying to shove “any man” into this “certain man’s” slot. Still, I finally gave up, but was met with another counterfeit.

This one didn’t need any help from me to be fictitiously vile. I’ve considered before that maybe the reason Fairy Tales always end with the wedding is because they too end up in divorce court…

It’s expected I suppose…real love can’t develop overnight…so I considered my ability to receive love…to give love…

I have pondered this thing for months and I’ve taught myself to listen…

“Just Receive!” “Listen and Pay Attention!”

 

The voice in my new heart had compassion…and in an instant the dots were forming the picture this prophetic babe saw over eight years ago…constantly reminded of the “appointed time” has had me frazzled, yet eager…courage keeps me focused on the larger picture though my thoughts resemble a kaleidoscope on most days…

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How could he know too? How is it that my words and his are synchronized without speaking…words I’ve written in solitude…prayers I’ve even whispered to my Father…concerns met with each passing week…answered without the question leaving my heart or mind…connected somehow…inextricably bound even when I resisted the mesh…not one of flesh, but spirit….captivated and deflated with nearly our first encounter…now I review those feelings of confusion and inclusion…

God is no liar!

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How can I be sure if what I feel is right or even real? I’ve fooled myself so many times before. At a time when I’d abandoned my list before my desire to be adored made my sense not so common…

Naivety is no longer cute as an adult…yet both our childhoods had us duped for at least a time or two…believing the lies that we were not enough…believing the tricks that perfection be a must…to be accepted…to be loved…to avoid rejection…

A struggle is only present when you are caught in the middle of two opposing forces…my will and God’s…

I told God I refuse to elevate a man before Him as I’d done in the past, but my thoughts are laden anyway. I asked for the thoughts…interactions…the way I’ve stumbled onto pages of his life…to cease…and with my own daughter’s words, I was reminded of my heart’s remission…of forgotten intention…to love and be loved on this earth as I am in heaven…

“Why do you keep pushing it so far away from you if you want it?”

She thought she was talking about my purse on the floor board while I was driving on any given Sunday, but I knew better.

Thus, I was faced with more of the same thing…

Torn between the fear of the unknown…and the faith of God’s best…

But was he too consulting with the Father about this heart’s battle?

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Silence…so simple, yet so potent…so I listen…wondering if he too has found himself desiring obedience over the sacrifice of mediocrity…or will he like I had be wooed back by familiar faces, places, and circumstance…

Addicts only walk away from their suppliers when numbers and addresses change…so it has with me…so I’ve chosen to have more and refuse the less of what had been the constant offer on the table that was never meant for my presence…

Still I wonder will  he consider the detriment of “being accustomed to”…doing what many think he “ought” do…or will he choose his own path at last?  Will he consider his ways and make the necessary change or will he hold onto his cantankerous demeanor in favor of remaining needless?

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Solitude can be one’s prison if not careful so I’ve chosen to forgo my need for independence. I’ve removed my shackles of hesitance in favor of much lighter yoke…

Frustrated before, but now I joyfully relent to what will be to be…I fully surrender what was…the who I was never meant to be…

I choose to remember instead, the good intended…this heart now mended… in places I’d forgotten existed…in ways my mind once resisted…I relish his shyness…a humble prowess- I’ve grown to adore some how…

So interesting is my now…captured like a photograph are the encounters we’ve exchanged in my mind’s eye…so I find myself again tickled of the thoughts that remain…To think I like this guy!

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A moment in time we held a gaze-all of a sudden I was off my game…Could this heart stand one more strike? In the midst of what I assumed a mere transaction…a blundered encounter…Something happened…

I grew closer in a moment than I had attempted to build with others over years…

Is this what is meant by a soul mate…one whose DNA so embraces the elements of another that even blood is not closer? What so heavily knits our beings? Who is responsible for our seeing? Why hadn’t I understood this connection until now?

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Perhaps, before I’d been too unwilling to bow…my head and my heart to the will of the One who knows best…the One who designed hearts and wholeness in His hands…the One who designed the plan before the time of our sands began…

So awesomely specific is Our Father’s plan of love’s redemption…that even when we stray, His plan thwart’s temptation…Alignment draws to complete the perfect picture…where two wholes make one with Christ at the center…

So I deny the confusion suggesting my mind is just clouded with intentions of grandeur…

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For pure pose…purpose alone…again…I’d forgotten before…Distracted by the counterfeit…shut in isolation at love’s door.  Physical and emotional fatigue has a tendency to evoke a special blend of Destiny’s amnesia. Yet, wholeness through Christ’s love provided the needed anesthesia…a surgical procedure only an expert could render…such is Our Lord’s hand-so delicate and tender…piece by piece…He removed the shards and stones…and replaced the gaping holes with parts of His own…

And so I’ve been chastened by true love’s momentum…I’m learning to appreciate it’s timeliness…enticed by love’s wisdom. I no longer dream of seeing mere potential…For in love truth exists…

I admit my imagination is far too impressive to withstand the magnitude of this movement…Yet as the doses of love’s prescription linger my marriage to my certain man supposes a greater picture..not solely for physical pleasure or even mere companionship… but of fruitful intention is this bridge built…

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So when love knocks again, I’ll answer.

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©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Give it a Year to Produce!

Pump your emotional brakes! When considering courtship, understand time is on your side. Watch out for those who try to convince you to make a quick decision! We know better typically when we consider a large purchase like a car or a home, but for whatever reason when it comes to dating or selecting friends, we tend to rush our judgment! Why is that?

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I’m not condemning you! In fact, had I actually followed the advice I am giving you now, my then would have been mightily different. But of course, I don’t mind that matter. I wouldn’t be able to help you do better had I not done the contrary so trust I’m good with my past…

Moving On…

Give it a year! The first step of making a good decision with regard to whom you will allow to join you on your journey to destiny is that you must be whole!

If you’re whole you are free to proceed…

However, just in case you are not sure if you are whole, let me explain who a whole person is…

Above are just a few details…of course, there are many more, but you get my drift…

Just in case you are not there yet…this is for you:

Don’t just pump your brakes…Pull over and get off the road! You need to spend quality time with the Lord so that you can get your emotional, spiritual, and mental health in line with God’s intention for you.

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Now, in case you are where I am and beyond…let’s use a gardening analogy for a moment…

…on giving it a year…When you give yourself time to allow the relationship to organically grow, you are not left with blind assumptions on the fruit expected!

That said, a year gives you the opportunity to observe the fruit in all seasons! How else are you going to know whether your investment is the right choice?

For example, We all have offseasons, but in the natural, if the fruit you desire to receive is oranges, the last thing you want to do is get lemons…

Get this…agriculturally lemons and oranges grow in the same areas, produce fruit, and have lovely leaves. They are even similar in appearance! Yes, both of these bad boys produce lovely white flowers.

However, if you taste an orange and then a lemon, you definitely know the difference…AM I RIGHT?

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Oranges are sweet and are consumed as “fresh” fruit while lemons have a strong, sour taste and are best consumed in small quantities, if at all. However, lemons can be still be appreciated because they also have the ability to bring other flavors (circumstances) together.

Yes, both have important uses!  So before you allow a permanent scowl take residence on your face and in your heart, consider the intention of the thing.

What Does That Mean???

Well,  ladies and gents, you can’t have lemonade without lemons so now is not the time to regret who you have dated or befriended in your past because they left a sour taste in your mouth in a prior season. Consider what those relationships taught you about YOU.

Yes, I meant YOU.

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When you focus on what the relationship taught you about the other person involved, you miss the lesson!

Frankly, if your pattern has been one of shopping for oranges and you keep getting lemons, the issue is not the fruit or its source. After all, the fruit is doing exactly the only thing it can do…Be fruit…Consequently, you are the one who needs to change your perspective.

Don’t Be Misled by the Outside!

As mentioned earlier, in the natural, lemon trees and orange trees produce similar-looking flowers and leaves. Agriculturally, however, there are still a few distinct features to be aware of so there’s no confusion. Lemon trees grow less than half the size of orange trees. What’s more, is that Lemon trees have thorns!

download (11)Consider this question: Are you so focused on the exterior of a potential partner that you failed to even question the kind of fruit that he or she will produce? Better yet, have you taken the time to ask the manufacturer for verification BEFORE you invest?

Basically…

  • Have you prayed about him or her?
  • Have you waited for a response?
  • Have you heeded the warning?

If you cannot answer yes to those three questions, then, unfortunately, it is likely you will continue to receive the wrong fruit. Remember, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. You simply cannot make a lemon sweet just as you cannot make a broken person whole. Only God can do that!

Newsflash: YOU ARE NOT JESUS JR!!!

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Your best bet with dating or when exploring a new friendship is to observe the prospect for at least a year to ensure you are getting what you desire. Otherwise, you will be forever trying to make sweet what was ultimately not designed for your consumption. That said, since God allows us free will, in His doing so, He allows us to encounter some sour experiences in relationships occasionally.

Nevertheless,  even these were not meant to discourage you from abandoning your efforts. Rather, the sour experiences you faced before were meant as a part of the process. Regardless of your relational status now, before you invest in a relationship, your chances of receiving exactly what you expect are best when you wait long enough to see the fruit your choice has produced rather than taking a chance on ending up with another sour situation.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Delays and Detours: Not Now Doesn’t Mean Not Ever!

Single Lane Ramp…Use  Caution! Lane Closures Ahead…Expect Delays…Merge Now!

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You might have found yourself involuntary acquainted with these signs on the road. I simply must add an additional half-hour or more to my commute to make it wherever lately. It’s been a frustrating, yet a necessary daily process that the “powers that be” deem will make the rest of the journey a lot smoother so I endure.  I couldn’t help but consider this situation through a relational lens though.

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The way you embrace your season of singleness has a way of shifting your perspective on a lot. That said…Not now doesn’t mean not ever!

I have learned to gracefully accept this notion.  My delay has been for my own good. God was protecting me…FROM ME!!!  And if I’m more honest, He was also protecting my future spouse from me too. Yes, I said that and meant that. Honesty is a beautiful thing!  Since I’m brutally honest anyway…

Stop counting the days! The weeks! The years! The others who have gotten married although you feel like you’ve been dropped on the island of misfit toys! (Yes, Grammarians, I know those are fragments…moving on…)

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What we deem as “long enough” may be in God’s estimation, “just getting started.” I’m not trying to discourage your dating exploits. Rather, I want you to get to the root of the matter of “you.” After all, of the failed marriages and relationships you may have experienced, there is one common denominator:

YOU!

I’m not calling you out without considering my own journey now so don’t get it twisted…I have had to get reacquainted with myself too…And yes, I’m still single.  While I know my own single season is coming to a close soon, the difference between my now and my then is that before I was just healed.  Now I am healed and whole! There is a difference!

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Yes, hurt people hurt people, and even healed people heal people.  Regardless, even a whole person CAN NOT make another person whole! Only Christ can fill the voids in you so you are suitable for the man or woman He has designed to complement you.

That means the issue here is not how long you have experienced a delay in your “wait” for a mate. Rather, God’s concern is whether you are whole and whether the person He intends for you is also whole. The detours and delays are there merely because construction is in process and until the roads are clear–meaning both parties are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes even physically ready to receive one another– your safety and the safety of others requires you to take alternate routes at times. And yes, just like in traffic, it will take a little longer to get to your destination than you may have originally intended.

Have you allowed God authorization to reconstruct you?

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Detours and Delays!!! Who needs ’em? Who wants ’em?

In a way, we all do and don’t. No, I’m not contradicting myself…just take the meat and spit out the bones. What I mean is that though we generally do not want to be delayed in any process, especially relationships, detours are necessary sometimes to ensure we actually complete the process safely. If a bridge is out and there is no lane closure, the results would be catastrophic! It’s not very different from the results of a romantic relationship that lacks boundaries. So the next time you see the sign to detour when considering a potential dating partner, make the decision to take it with grace and expect delays knowing that not now does not mean not ever.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Last Night I had a MOMent

On the heels of two blessings I was not expecting, the enemy tried again and thought he’d won, but never. I thank God for His word and reminding me that I have no business allowing the enemy to blindside me with foolishness. I was reminded that life and death is in the power of the tongue. I found myself saying things and thinking things I knew were not true of my seed…Pain can make you do and say stupid stuff. Yet, I refuse to allow the enemy to dissuade me from what My God already showed me. My Father is faithful. My Father promised me life more abundantly so I suppose the enemy was running out of options yet again. I know God is my provider and my father…He is even my husband in this season and my children’s father as well. Yes, the battlefield is the mind, but I’m strapped and covered from head to toe with all that God provides for my protection. I rejoice in the knowledge that God is in control and that HE alone directs my paths. I refuse to allow my mind to succumb to worry or doubt period. My son and daughter are successful and are blessings sent directly from my Father.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for giving me the ability to give the devil a black eye with my smile. Father, thank You for restoring the years that were destroyed by the canker worm. Thank You for preparing me for this transition. Thank You for allowing me to be wise in every decision from here forward. Thank You for allowing me the charge to pray for the Man of God. Thank You for my future husband and our ministry. Thank You for the ministry that You have allowed Your angels to provide to me in this moment and every other moment my flesh seeks to outweigh my spirit. Thank You for always reminding me that GREATER IS HE IN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME AND ALLOWING ME TO BE A BLESSING. THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME SO MUCH DADDY! THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THE COMFORT OF YOUR ARMS. THANK YOU FOR NOT ALLOWING MY FOOT TO STUMBLE AND THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING THE CALL YOU HAVE ON MY LIFE TO HELP OTHERS WHO HAVE STUMBLED UP TO THEIR FEET!!! GLORY TO YOUR NAME! THANK YOU FOR MY CONFIDENCE! THANK YOU FOR DETERMINATION. THANK YOU FOR GRACE. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME THAT I AM THE APPLE OF YOUR EYE! THANK YOU FOR FAVORING ME IN SPITE OF ME!

YOUR LOVELY DAUGHTER,

SO IT ALL IS

Love Blindly: Glimpses Through Tears

Yesterday I was reminded of “Glimpses” all day. Perhaps the reminders really began the night prior when I considered the manner to which I would do certain things from now on…whether I would really amp up the action behind the faith I claimed to believe. A message before I arrived at church mentioned how God is not too liberal with the details. Rather, He provides us “glimpses” of what’s to come…our promise…the next step.

I’ve been inundated with glimpses a long time…At least 8 years have passed since I was first introduced to the glimpse of a stage set…the atmosphere was right…I was in my element…Yet, yesterday I almost allowed the last few pieces to not fall inline…

I paced for too long…so long I stayed up too late…I almost allowed myself to be a no show to destiny…but God has a way of snapping us out of our voluntary idleness doesn’t He? And He reminded me of Grace…undeserved…no compensation required…

It’s taken some time for me to get used to this “receiving thing” I suppose if any excuse would suffice, “I’ve tried this love thing before and failed miserably!” And I recalled the message given the night prior, “Not Again.”

Still, even then I tried to make things logical. I tried to further question God’s decision and whether I was hearing Him at all. So He loved me so much He sent an Angel to tell me flatly what I needed to hear. I had already been overwhelmed with emotion because of the song that literally was stuck on my phone the night before, “Covered by Grace” by Israel Houghton…It wouldn’t stop playing…

So I wasn’t expecting to get the response I had to all the questions only God and I could have known were swarming in my head, but He sent her anyway. I was just doing business as usual…desiring to pay someone a compliment…because their energy had encouraged me…Her talks about joining the choir struck me…her reasons for doing so reminded me of my own…how I had been longing to sing again for years, but that God pulled me from my position several years ago to focus on my family. I was obedient then so when the statement arose to just join…I realized that I technically was not a member.

To think it would seem that I was even afraid of committing to a church…in favor of lingering around instead…Kneeling with the concern of a mom she said, “You’ve got so many things going on in your mind. You’re worried about your kids and how this and that is going to work out. Keep it Simple. Know that God has got you covered. You are where you are supposed to be”

And the Dam Broke…I’d been doing okay during the service and worship songs evoke tears from everyone so I wasn’t alone. Yet, with all the fuss after service I was still crying. I said that my tears were of joy, however, I know that it was a mixture of joy and fear of going forward with what my heart couldn’t seem to “turn off” despite my logic.

“Love Blindly”

In that moment…I considered the directive…

Hadn’t that been my problem all along. Hadn’t I given my heart to the wrong somebody too often…hadn’t I risked vulnerability for nothing before?

How do I teach myself to love blindly when I’ve been forced to realize that the love I decided to give to others before had never been reciprocated. Loving blindly got me embarrassed before. Loving blindly hurt before. Loving blindly hyphenated my name twice. In retrospect, I know why I could never really commit to the full name change…I knew neither marriage was right…since the demise of those, I’ve learned at least that much about my decision. I said a few years ago I’d never do that again because who God has for me will be worth the transition and I knew I would be ready because God had been transforming me even then.

I had to come to terms in recent weeks that I had been in love with my ex-husband. I wanted to believe that maybe I’d made up that love in my mind because the peace was never really there. Yet, this love…I know he won’t intentionally hurt me or betray me. This love has been perfected in Christ. I want to receive it, but I really don’t know how.

So why do I still fear the next step? Why am I all of a sudden nervous around him? Why am I all of a sudden speechless…note the irony…

Yet, knowledge has perhaps been my problem. I’m used to having a plan with details…I’m used to knowing the outcome…I’m used to falling in love quickly, but this thing has developed as a slow simmer that I hadn’t even noticed myself until a few months ago.

It would be so much easier to disappear, but his heart deserves better. So I’ve been directed…invited…admonished to love blindly…as long as Christ is my guide, I will make the effort.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.