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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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Who This Lady Needs

Almost  four months ago I posted this message:

Who This Lady Wants!

I mentioned I started the post about two months prior then, but hey I was wrong. The other day I came across almost the same words in an old journal…so I suppose my heart has been pondering not just my desires, but my needs for a long, long while….thought I’d share:

 

Someone who is sincerely appreciative of my presence…Someone not led by others’ preferences…Someone sure of himself enough to express his honest views…Someone who is not afraid to admit his own issues…Someone who doesn’t mind my innate extroversion…Someone who recognizes I complement his quiet disposition…Someone who is able to give freely without remorse…Someone willing to allow love to take its course…Someone who isn’t led by the things and places money can acquire…Someone wise enough to know all things must expire…Someone whose heart is knit to Our Father…Someone who takes seriously his role of loving God’s daughter…Someone who listens without judgement to things I’ve experienced along the way…Someone who seeks to understand my heart and assures me he’ll stay…

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Give it a Year to Produce!

Pump your emotional brakes! When considering courtship, understand time is on your side. Watch out for those who try to convince you to make a quick decision! We know better typically when we consider a large purchase like a car or a home, but for whatever reason when it comes to dating or selecting friends, we tend to rush our judgement! Why is that?

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I’m not condemning you! In fact, had I actually followed the advice I am giving you now, my then would have been mightily different. But of course I don’t mind that matter. I wouldn’t be able to help you do better had I not done the contrary so trust I’m good with my past…

Moving On…

Give it a year! The first step of making a good decision with regard to whom you will allow to join you on your journey to destiny is that you must be whole!

If you’re whole you are free to proceed…

However, just in case you are not sure if you are whole, let me explain who a whole person is…

Above are just a few details…of course there are many more, but you get my drift…

Just in case you are not there yet…this is for you:

Don’t just pump your brakes…Pull over and get off the road! You need to spend quality time with the Lord so that you can get your emotional, spiritual, and mental health in line with God’s intention for you.

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Now, in case you are where I am and beyond…let’s use a gardening analogy for a moment…

…on giving it a year…When you give yourself time to allow the relationship to organically grow, you are not left with blind assumptions on the fruit expected!

That said, a year gives you the opportunity to observe the fruit in all seasons! How else are you going to know whether your investment is the right choice?

For example: We all have off seasons, but in the natural if the fruit you desire to receive is oranges, the last thing you want to do is get lemons…

Get this…agriculturally lemons and oranges grow in the same areas, produce fruit, and have lovely leaves. They are even similar in appearance! Yes, both of these bad boys produce lovely white flowers.

However, if you taste an orange and then a lemon, you definitely know the difference…AM I RIGHT?

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Oranges are sweet and are consumed as “fresh” fruit while lemons have a strong, sour taste and are best consumed in small quantities, if at all. However, lemons can be still be appreciated because they also have the ability to bring other flavors (circumstances) together.

Yes, both have important uses!  So before you allow a permanent scowl take residence on your face and in your heart, consider the intention of the thing.

What Does That Mean???

Well,  ladies and gents, you can’t have lemonade without lemons so now is not the time to regret who you have dated or befriended in your past because they left a sour taste in your mouth in a prior season. Consider what those relationships taught you about YOU.

Yes, I meant YOU.

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When you focus on what the relationship taught you about the other person involved, you miss the lesson!

Frankly, if your pattern has been one of shopping for oranges and you keep getting lemons, the issue is not the fruit or its source. After all, the fruit is doing exactly the only thing it can do…Be fruit…Consequently, you are the one who needs to change your perspective.

Don’t Be Misled by the Outside!

As mentioned earlier, in the natural, lemon trees and orange trees produce similar-looking flowers and leaves. Agriculturally, however, there are still a few distinct features to be aware of so there’s no confusion. Lemon trees grow less than half the size of orange trees. What’s more is that Lemon trees have thorns!

download (11)Consider this question: Are you so focused on the exterior of a potential partner that you failed to even question the kind of fruit that he or she will produce? Better yet, have you taken the time to ask the manufacturer for verification BEFORE you invest?

Basically…

  • Have you prayed about him or her?
  • Have you waited for a response?
  • Have you heeded the warning?

If you cannot answer yes to those three questions, then unfortunately it is likely you will continue to receive the wrong fruit. Remember, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. You simply cannot make a lemon sweet just as you cannot make a broken person whole. Only God can do that!

Newsflash: YOU ARE NOT JESUS JR!!!

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Your best bet with dating or when exploring a new friendship is to observe the prospect for at least a year to ensure you are getting what you desire. Otherwise, you will be forever trying to make sweet what was ultimately not designed for your consumption. That said, since God allows us free will, in His doing so, He allows us to encounter some sour experiences in relationships occasionally.

Nevertheless,  even these were not meant to discourage you from abandoning your efforts. Rather, the sour experiences you faced before were meant as a part of the process. Regardless of your relational status now, before you invest in a relationship, your chances of receiving exactly what you expect is best when you wait long enough to see the fruit your choice has produced rather than taking a chance on ending up with another sour situation.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Delays and Detours: Not Now Doesn’t Mean Not Ever!

Single Lane Ramp…Use  Caution! Lane Closures Ahead…Expect Delays…Merge Now!

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You might have found yourself involuntary acquainted with these signs on the road. I simply must add an additional half-hour or more to my commute to make it wherever lately. It’s been a frustrating, yet necessary daily process that the “powers that be” deem will make the rest of the journey a lot smoother so I endure.  I couldn’t help but consider this situation through a relational lens though.

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The way you embrace your season of singleness has a way of shifting your perspective on a lot. That said…Not now doesn’t mean not ever!

I have learned to gracefully accept this notion.  My delay has been for my own good. God was protecting me…FROM ME!!!  And if I’m more honest, He was also protecting my future spouse from me too. Yes, I said that and meant that. Honesty is a beautiful thing!  Since I’m brutally honest anyway…

Stop counting the days! The weeks! The years! The others who have gotten married although you feel like you’ve been dropped on the island of misfit toys! (Yes, Grammarians, I know those are fragments…moving on…)

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What we deem as “long enough” may be in God’s estimation, “just getting started.” I’m not trying to discourage your dating exploits. Rather, I want you to get to the root of the matter of “you.” After all, of the failed marriages and relationships you may have experienced, there is one common denominator:

YOU!

I’m not calling you out without considering my own journey now so don’t get it twisted…I have had to get reacquainted with myself too…And yes, I’m still single.  While I know my own single season is coming to a close soon, the difference between my now and my then is that before I was just healed.  Now I am healed and whole! There is a difference!

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Yes,hurt people hurt people, and even healed people heal people.  Regardless, even a whole person CAN NOT make another person whole! Only Christ can fill the voids in you so you are suitable for the man or woman He has designed to complement you.

That means the issue here is not how long you have experienced a delay in your “wait” for a mate. Rather, God’s concern is whether you are whole and whether the person He intends for you is also whole. The detours and delays are there merely because construction is in process and until the roads are clear–meaning both parties are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes even physically ready to receive one another– your safety and the safety of others requires you to take alternate routes at times. And yes, just like in traffic, it will take a little longer to get to your destination than you may have originally intended.

Have you allowed God authorization to reconstruct you?

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Detours and Delays!!! Who needs ’em? Who wants ’em?

In a way, we all do and don’t. No, I’m not contradicting myself…just take the meat and spit out the bones. What I mean is that though we generally do not want to be delayed in any process, especially relationships, detours are necessary sometimes to ensure we actually complete the process safely. If a bridge is out and there is no lane closure, the results would be catastrophic! It’s not very different from the results of a romantic relationship that lacks boundaries. So the next time you see the sign to detour when considering a potential dating partner, make the decision to take it with grace and expect delays knowing that not now does not mean not ever.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Finally Thawed

For the last month or more, my daughter has been somewhat “re-obsessed” with Frozen’s Soundtrack . I admit I used to like the song myself, but only when I heard Demi Lovato sing it. Yesterday morning on the way to church she decided to belt out the lyrics of which I’d heard enough of…or so I thought.  I’d never considered the lyrics until this morning. When I walked into bible study, I had no idea how the words of that song would dictate that I’d finally been able to accept God’s permission to receive. The message “The Gift of Letting Go “ preached by Danny Cosby coupled with the reality of the churning that had gone on in my heart for at least two months were all that was needed to actually have me speechless for a change. I couldn’t stop crying.

It wasn’t a bitter cry. More of a battle cry after the victory has been accomplished if you will. I realized I too had built walls around my heart and mind over the years. And my heart was still frozen so there was another surface to penetrate after  the walls of my mind and heart had been diminished. A few months ago I began to understand the necessity of allowing God to tear those walls down so that my future husband wouldn’t have to do so. I realized that every time I’d said to myself, “I believe” and set out to do an outlandish deed in line with God’s direction, fear would have me reconsidering whether I was as in times past “doing too much.” I was taking the very bricks God pulled down and trying to replace them myself. So for the last few weeks I’ve been considering and reconsidering my motives.

It’s Time for a New Set of Bricks…and A New Partner to Build together…The Plans have changed…The Wall is not to be around our hearts, but around our union…The purpose already mirrored one another…

It’s melting…It’s melting!!!

I can’t help the way I feel now and I’ve tried. I tried to rationalize whether he would be capable of loving me like I asked God of my future husband in journals years ago. Over and over again I made excuses. I considered the exposure…I considered the danger of vulnerability…I considered my purpose…I didn’t want to make a “relationship” an idol…but the more I think about it, I realize it will only bring more glory to God as His hand has directed out paths to intersect as it has…so today I surrender…

To the desires of my heart…the desires of God’s heart as I understand now why my urge to pray for him is so urgent at times…Even still until yesterday, I had been praying amiss at times too…praying that God prevent me from loving him…that He prevent me from caring…that I not get distracted by trivial things like loving a man or marriage…Fear led those petitions.

Prayer works definitely, however, when God flatly tells you, “Why are you pushing away what you asked for?” you realize that you can’t exactly “undo” a prayer inline with His will. I’ve been forced to answer that question regardless. For a time, my answer had been a long list of what if’s and reminders of how wrong I’d been before. Time and time again God has revealed how love at first sight doesn’t exist, but that the spirit of the one He has chosen as your partner in purpose is what draws you…that is, I admit what drew me…what still draws me…as if I’m a magnet and he iron…time…distance…attitudes…words…for whatever reason…I’m still drawn…perhaps the draw is so we sharpen one another…I’ve tried to disconnect myself, but denial that his words and deeds are intricately connected to the passions God placed in my heart long before we ever met is useless. I can’t be in God’s will and continue to deny the possibility of expanded purpose with him by my side.

I’m still afraid. Yet, my Father reminds me that though He did not give me the spirit of fear, He provides me courage in spite of the fear. For a recovering control freak, chartering unknown territory can seem daunting, but I know God has led me back to Memphis for a reason…that I had to experience the bad so that when good arrives I would be able to welcome him with open arms and an open heart. So I’ve avoided the possibility of something filling the space…I’d learned to be okay without. As a whole woman, I surmised I’ll be okay without him whomever he is, but my heart knew better even in its weakened state at the time of our first real encounter.

For a time I thought that maybe I had never loved the others and that I merely assumed it was love and it all was infatuation. I was okay with that lie for a while, but in the last week God has revealed in more ways than one that I had indeed loved before…that my only mistake was that I love those who didn’t have the capacity to receive the love I desired and tried to give. I used to think that because at the time I didn’t actually love myself so perhaps I had been unable to love another. Yet, again God has shown me how wrong my assumption had been…that my love for them had been pure, but malnourished. That because I’d allowed myself to lead with my heart and because I left my head before… tossed my pearls before swine  that I was unable to make the “right choice.” I even found myself resorting to old methods of applying who I know now God has promised for me to another.  Genuinely happy for what I considered their union would be, secretly later I felt some kind of way…did not want to know why…

And God has revealed to me the heart of one worthy of my presence. I’m drawn to him though I’ve tried for at least a year to remove myself from the scenario. God still has a sense of humor. I can’t deny how God has re-written my story. When I consider the many transitions I have endured within the last two years, I have learned that my obedience to the voice of God is best. I had to learn the hard way in many ways. I’d carried baggage for years and though I’d heard the voice telling me to “leave it there,” I was almost conditioned to drag it anyway. Thankfully, that’s not my stance now. I realize the additional baggage stalled my progress, kept me unorganized, and weighed me down…

It has taken me a long time to unpack…confronting the reality of “me” has been every bit the daunting task I expected. Still, I regret nothing. It’s easier to walk now. I have perfect peace with God’s decision and finally even with my own. The surgery God performed on my heart and head was delicate and time-consuming, but so necessary. Now that the walls are down, my heart is finally thawed enough to receive the love I desire.

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©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Flow

So in the last few months I’ve gotten three marriage proposals of sorts and I decided to consider it not odd. I’m a great catch. No, I’m not conceited, but from here on out I’ve decided to fully embrace all I have to offer…..completely be myself with no apologies, and live the life God’s given me to the fullest!!!! That said, despite those, there have been several other attempts to get me otherwise distracted from what needs to be done. PURPOSE!!!

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It seems that since I was 15 years old I’ve been in some type of “relationship.” It’s not that I’m warding off the idea of marriage or the thought of dating, it’s just that it is amazing how attractive you become when you decide that you’re just fine one way or another…

I mean whether I’m with someone or not….images (1)

I used to allow my mind to be consumed with the what ifs of dating…When my husband and I split several years ago, I toyed with the idea of dating, but even then I was not being honest with myself about what I really wanted or better yet what I needed. At the time, though I waited years to get back on the scene, I still didn’t even understand how to go about it….

I was used to settling…for so much less than who I deserved…I was used to arguing over dumb stuff…so I’ve decided that’s no longer allowed in my life…Some might think it strange that I would say that…Everybody argues right?

Wrong….you really don’t have to argue, but I can agree to disagree…just like I agree to disagree with all of you out there who believes that you must have a life with drama to sustain a relationship…

Lies and Deception….shakespearesmall

I know that laughter is indeed life’s antidote…people might disagree, but the joy I have is too valuable for me to allow drama and bitterness come in and take over…nope…not going anymore even a little bit.

People Prayer works…yes, I know this post is all over the place, but hey that’s just me and I really don’t care how you take that…really I don’t…all I can say is that it is incredibly freeing to be yourself, not be consumed with the opinions of others, and just be content…This probably should have been a post all by itself, but oh well…I’ve learned a few things that I don’t intend to forget…

I’m loved by My Father…I’m loved by Myself…And there’s quite a few others out there that love me too…I’m just so done with people pleasing to my detriment…I’m just so done wondering what this person and that person is thinking about me or what I’m doing…my time is valuable so to major on the minor is no longer an option…images

Amazing how the things we learn only are understood to be a resource later in life….I worked at a marriage ministry…picked up so much information on what to do and what not to do…and  here I am with a problem many ladies might wish they had….images (3)

Three possible suitors simultaneously vying for my attention, yet all I see is purpose.  Not that any of the guys are unappealing…In fact, all are pretty good options I guess…that is if I were interested…Hmmm…a lot to think about, but not so much…

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I’ve decided to be focused.  I’ve decided to remain ambitious.  I’ve decided to go against the grain and enjoy doing me because it’s the me who needs to be transparent…the me who desires other ladies to get to a balanced place in mind and heart like I’ve been granted….I’m not going back to where I’ve been…I’m not stuck up…just standards call for boundaries…Life has taught me that before I muddied the waters  too much.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not regret any decision I have made so far…images (1)

I’m just realizing how a good thing may not always be a God thing…and even if that good thing is a God thing, if rushed, it can be ruined….how distance definitely can make a heart grow fonder…and if it was meant to be, it will be.  That said, when the time is right it’s right…images (1)

It’s just nice to know that one day all distractions aside, it will be worth the wait…that maturity is not actually measured by one’s  age…that life is a trip and sometimes you’ve got to be willing to just pack up and roll with it…

In case you’re wondering, I’ve decided to just flow!

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Just a Temporary Inconvenience

Hmmm…well considering that the title of my blog is Better Not Bitter, I understand my obligation to forgive quickly. That was not always the case of course. Holding grudges was my middle name and I even thought for a time that doing so made me happy…I was so wrong.

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That said, it’s only fair that I share my steps to doing so.  Obviously, I ranted yesterday a bit about my recent break up and relational issues.  However, I am satisfied with my decision to end things and I have peace that I made the right decision. Though admittedly, at the time of the phone call, I had no idea what I was going to say until it was said.  Now I had played the scenario out in my head for most of that day before, but I know that as cut and dry as my response seemed. It was all that was necessary to get my point across. There was no need to yell or argue…to mope or to beg.  Drama is best left to the big and small screen, not my life.

I noticed that while I am happy that things are over and said to myself that I have no hard feelings towards my former beau, today I relented the latter part of that statement.

I was angry all over again.wpid-2015-07-27-08-09-16-972356833.jpeg

But angry at what or with whom you might ask?

Part of me could answer that my beef was with myself or with him, but for a moment, I believe I was upset with God. I recalled how I had feverishly combed His word to ensure that I was proceeding in the right direction and how I prayed so much about the things we endured together.

I realized suddenly, it had to happen this way. With that, I repent for my ill feelings towards my Father, who still knows best. I realize that I like so many of you may have done, read too much into the situation. As Jesus often pointed out with the Pharisees, I picked apart the word for the words themselves at times…literally…instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to guide me every time.

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I’m sure that even though things were uncomfortable that I needed to remain there for that time…I needed to go through all these emotional dips and flips so that I could better assess the situations of others while tweaking my own intentions.  I would not have been able to identity the importance of receiving what I need in a husband in lieu of what I thought I wanted had we not been together for a time.

So do I regret our time?  No, not anymore. I don’t consider it a waste of time either because I’m sure both of us learned some valuable lessons.

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Do I harness ill will for him…not in the least..  I want him to prosper and with that perhaps I was his distraction too.  Perhaps, the things God had deemed for this son’s assignment were misaligned because I came into the picture.  So with that, perhaps not all distractions are bad…So instead of considering our relationship a complete distraction, I concede that it was just a temporary inconvenience.

©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

So I’m single again…just call me Rachel

Random info…continue at your own risk…unedited so yes there are typos…

“Uh huh…I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. It’s not God’s will so this is goodbye.”

I know…I know…it seems like something straight out of a Hallmark movie channel script, right? well, it’s not…at least not yet.

Those were the words I said two days ago to the man I assumed would be my husband when he called.

I know I’d made the decision to end things in my heart weeks if not months ago over and over.  I just couldn’t seem to make my mind and mouth cooperate until that very moment.

I’d considered a bunch over the passed few months…how I felt about him…how I’d been tested in forgiveness and loyalty…how I’d explored the extent of Godly submission. I thought originally I’d just been rebellious…that the Jezebel  spirit I thought was buried had resurfaced….I didn’t realize until Monday morning that I was wrong…that the conflict I’d experienced wasn’t internal as much as it was external…that I hadn’t yet decided to remove the yoke that had me bound…that I’d had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach about him for a reason. He was a man of God, yet still a fatal distraction.

I can almost applaud satan for his cunning if I didn’t hate him so much.  For several months, I was misled and almost settled…eagerly looking for signs to match what I knew God shared with me…that my gifts needed to first be surrendered at the feet of the man of God…I know God led me to Memphis for a reason…yet all the while, I was misdirected by talk…no real action…promises with no real manifestation.  His attempt to coax me with promises of financial security were never a temptation.  I think I’m sure I loathe an arrogant mind more than idiocy itself.
I thought…maybe I’m out of line…I’m not suppose to challenge…so I tried not to…as days turned into weeks. ..the more I was inspired to write and study God’s word…pictures of me sparked senseless debates about having too many admirers on Facebook and being too busy for him…the desire was expressed that I not work as his wife…that he’d take care of all I needed…yet…since moving here, there was never a time I felt comfortable asking his help…so I struggled in silence…I was humbled I know by God…yet, I learned to have no problem asking for help from others…friends and family…the one time courage welled in me to ask him…he complied…with griping…I watched my account for 2 weeks…thinking his type would reverse the monies paid out of spite…

Why on earth would I assume that of him?

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I’m sure now that even that response was attributed to God’s provision for His daughter…by any means necessary…I considered the character of love…kind, patient, not boastful or rude…yet, the words “I love you” fell so effortlessly from a mouth only meeting the opposite.

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I came to myself…realized I hadn’t written…really written in weeks…inspiration was drained from fear of a controlling spirit...

Yet, I remembered I hadn’t compromised myself…images (1)

I shook off the guilt of accepting his gift of help for the one bill he paid and embraced the gift of goodbye…

A LUNCH with a friend Sunday shed light where my flashlight had gone dim…that he was a distraction…all talk and no action…that I needed to finish my books…that’s she’s waiting and so are others…

Monday morning God confirmed to me the man of God’s feet of which my gifts were to be laid…where I’d been fed all along…where I could learn more…right in my face, but I was fatally distracted momentarily.

To think I wouldn’t even have known the magnitude of or the existence of fatal distractions had not more than a year prior my cousin not intervened . One CD captured an intriguing speaker teaching God’s word so curiosity led me to Hope.

I’m looking forward to handling my Father’s business…not concerned with dating…marriage…and all that jazz…just handling my Father’s business…so yes, I’m single again…willing to be sought…truly courted by the Jacob God has chosen…waiting years might be God’s will…Rachel waited  on the other side of 14 years while her purposed position was prepared so regardless of my relational track so far…I’m good alone…not in the least lonely…handling God’s business is on my agenda from now on so just call me Rachel.

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©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

Why am I still posting about Marriage? Man, I don’t know!

Trust this obedience to the Holy Spirit has me a bit spooked myself, but I’m going with it….

Yes, while I was perusing some of my old posts I came across this same little issue and felt the need to further discuss it….again…

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Okay I mentioned this the other day and the day before that and apparently last year, but anyway…here’s what I’ve come up with so far…

On a road trip last year, I found myself giving another young lady some advice about her relationship…go figure….rather, I told her waiting is her best option when she mentioned,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

It’s not the first time I’d heard her say that and given my own history, I couldn’t dare allow her to make the same mistakes I had because of impatience.  Also, after talking some more with her and another friend, we all realized the one thing we had in common.  We were all sort of angry with our men at the time…well, one girl seemed to be chronically upset with hers, but that’s a subject for another day.  I guess the situation wasn’t as funny as our laughter made it seem at the time, but as we vented we realized our abrupt actions led to a trivial pursuit of having it our way. Of course, the guys on the road trip gave us a hand in that revelation.images

Nonetheless, perhaps our little battle of the sexes proved something fruitful…

Oh did I mention that this was a Single’s Trip meant for good, clean, fellowship and not hook-ups…I just thought I’d throw that in noting the irony of the motives behind some who join Single Ministries…

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I digress as usual…

Anyway, we all (guys and gals) seemed to want the same thing in a committed relationship: to be loved unconditionally, respected, and appreciated; but men and women are different and it takes time for those differences to either compliment or repel one another.  Also it definitely helps if you know what makes you feel loved. Check out 5 love languages for singles…Awesome read!!!

Given that understanding, it’s important to know that marriage doesn’t start with the wedding.  It starts with God.  Unfortunately, however, we live in a microwave culture and because so many don’t take the time to wait on God’s approval, provision, and timing, far too many marriages end shortly after the honeymoon.

So again…what can be done to get us on the right track to having the love that we feel we deserve….well for starters it could help that you are lovable.

I know that seemed a bit mean, but hear me out.

Are you treating people like you really want to be treated or are you going through life faking the funk occasionally and biting people’s heads off the rest of the time.

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The bible says, to have friends you must show yourself friendly…wouldn’t it stand to support that to have love you need to ensure that you’re lovable..

Now, I have had a past that I can’t really repeat right now…well because of copyright stuff but we’ve all got one…good, bad, ugly…some we wish we could completely eliminate from the planet…and then again some of you really would just prefer that  some of the guys and gals of your pasts would just disappear from the planet instead…

Whatever the case…the only way to get beyond the pain of yesterday is to face it and bury it…not burying it in a shallow grave…completely obliterating it the way we wish we could do that person who broke our hearts…that kind of annihilation…otherwise, those good guys and girls who are willing to stick it out with become a casualty of the war in your heart…some end up wounded and others end up dead…

Yes, you’ve successfully but not so much created another heartbroken zombie like yourself because you refuse to seek or accept the healing and help you need to be whole so you won’t be a ticking time bomb to others.

I know this post is all over the place, but I feel the need to spread the word about the importance of being whole yourself before you even think of tagging along with another person in your journey.

I don’t know why, but God does and that’s enough for today.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Rush the Process

 

Last year a friend made this comment about her relationship at the time,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

Apparently her biological clock was ticking louder than she cared to hear…images (1)

I mean really?  We’ve all seen some aspect of a “Bridezilla” whether on the reality show or in reality period so I’m just curious…

Question:  Are you on a mission to be married too?

I’ve had to even sit down and have a pow wow with myself on this one.

 

Marriage is a big step…one I’ve been there, done it wrong twice….Do I even want to go there again?

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Having worked at a marriage ministry for a couple years, I picked up a few pointers. Considering all the wedding announcements posted on social media and just as many if not more divorce filings plastered in the papers on a daily basis, I think it’s fair that I post a little info on the matter as well…

A bit of background…

I can’t tell you the number of calls I received from wives calling to purchase a certain book about “manhood” as gift for their husbands.  Some even called under the guise that their husbands asked them to order it for them.  Yeah Right! Now some might have been legit, but it was something about the desperation in these women’s voices that clued me in otherwise.

Wow…and yes, I admit there were times when I told them point blank,

“You might not want to do that.”

These wives really wanted to figure out how they could “make” their husbands be the men they knew they could be.  While I felt their plight, I also understood one thing then that I’m actually finding issues with grasping today.

“You can’t really change a man.”

Moreover, you really should try to do it either.

Yep, and for the guys….

“You really can’t change a woman either.”

Yeah, I had just as many men were calling requesting certain materials for their to get  some “act right” as as it were!

DISCLAIMER: Gentlemen, if you are dealing with a fiercely domineering woman, the last thing you want to do is to give her that book as a “token of your appreciation.”

It won’t be appreciated.  In fact, it will likely be the start of a serious verbal assault. Sad but true. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

 


For those single and seeking

Pray that God make you ready to receive the love you need.

I know that seems simple, but I’ve had to learn I hadn’t been ready to receive the righteous love God wanted me to have in a marital relationship in the past because I had been unwilling to truly accept God’s love for me first.  I also want to point out that I said the love you need and not what you want….there is a difference…

Single Ladies and Gents,

The love you need is not going to be from someone to placate you by acquiescing to your every whim.  Rather, the love you need will bring out the best in you by any means necessary.  Yes that includes letting you know occasionally that your stuff stinks too…

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With Love of course….

Regardless, examine your motives for marriage….it’s ministry!!!

Yep both good marriages and a bad marriages have the potential to spread a message.  I know it seems counterproductive to say that, but what I mean is people are always watching.  If you have children,  you have a captive audience so that’s something to think about isn’t it?

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That said, if you’re not married yet, take a good hard look at your relationship and consider whether you put that “thang” together yourself  or if it was the Lord’s doing!

Yes, I meant to say “thang” and yes I can get country…Memphis is rubbing off on me again…next thing you know I’ll be using words like “junt.”

…moving on

Though I’m technically single, I’ve learned to be wholly connected to something greater in this process. So no matter how loud my clock ticks, I’m no longer willing to rush who God’s approved as my covenant partner for anyone…not even for myself.

©2015-2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

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