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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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Christ

Because He loves me…God waited

Just a thought…

Ladies, perhaps you feel good men are hard to find because you’ve misunderstood a few things about God’s design. Men were never designed to be found. The bible says, “when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

I know you’ve heard that before, but peep this. It is a male’s responsability to become a man…that man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Paul said it best when he acknowledged his transition to manhood as marked  by his choice to put childish things away. Note the decision to become mature here.”To put” is intentional. It is not random.  It is a natural progression that requires a special type of humility to be a suitable covering for a wife. A man must understand that when he finds you that you are a gift from God to be cherished. This humility isn’t manufactured by your mere presence either, ladies. Rather, this humility is one fostered by a real relationship with God long before he senses the longing to share himself and his purpose with another.

Let’s take Adam. Adam was active in his purpose and openly naked in his relationship with God. God is the one who said, it is not good for man to be alone.. not Adam.  That means Adam was content because he was unaware that something was missing…and that’s because nothing was missing.  He was complete.  He was whole.  He was mature. He was ready. And when He was ready, God closed his eyes and gave him rest…a deep sleep, the bible says…God removed a rib and formed Eve…Eve was presented to Adam after he was awakened…hmmm yes and no…notice the sequence. God first closed the place of his flesh. God understood a helper suitable would not be a perfect complement if Adam’s flesh had been open.

A lot has changed since that first union….

So what exactly is your role in this process, you might ask…well, it’s not just to wait idly by for a male to mature into manhood…it’s not to put your life on hold idolizing marriage and the idea of being in love or having a soulmate either. Your job ladies is to be…the helpmate…to the Kingdom of God… yes, to allow God to form you into His good thing first…to teach you a level of grace necessary to receive the heart, hand, and yes habits of the one God’s chosen as your earthly covering. It is a process…sometimes it takes a lot longer than you expect, but it is never too late.

Remember, God’s not obligated to your calendar, watch, or your biological clock.

But Why So Long Lawd?

He is jealous of you! You see God’s jealousy is the only type considered good because His motive for having it is pure love…meaning because He knows the hearts of men…that only He is able to love you and take care of you properly so just any man isn’t good enough for you. That is why it is for your benefit to wait and not rush the process.

Take it from someone who got it wrong twice! God will only allow you to be found by one who’s character most closely resembles His. Likewise, His love for the godly man He’s got in mind for you is just as potent so God’s not willing to present him with anything less than a good thing either.

Your job essentially is to allow God to show you your true self. Be prepared to see the good, bad, and ugly. No, I’m not talking physically but internally. When you seek Him first, the all these things is not limited to the tangible ladies. Some of you might have an independent woman attitude like I did.  Yet, when God is readying you to be found you notice that all of a sudden you feel a longing to be joined with another…to do life with a partner. Some might have never thought of having a child, but all of a sudden you have the desire to be around children.  Some of you might shriek at the thought of a homeless person coming near you and all of a sudden you have a sense of compassion that prompts you to dream up a center to help the homeless transition off the streets.  Ladies, as you press into Him the desire to gossip leaves. These things, ladies, are the attributes of God’s character.

These things are new eyes to see yourself as He does. What’s more those new eyes allow you to see others as He sees them. You might even find yourself grieved over the questions from a young girl wanting to know after being diagnosed with an STD when she can have sex again. You might first judge that she doesn’t know her worth, but later being willing to listen to the voice in your heart whispering, “prostitution” and so instead of sentencing her to the foolishness of her actions, you understand the motive behind her need for an answer…and yet you’re still grieved…so you find yourself praying for her safety and that another means of income present itself so she not be required to put herself in danger night after night only to feed the crying baby in the background…these things…yes, these things including that godly man as your husband will come when you seek God first because by doing so you are prepared for the role of being a wife before the ring or even the relationship…

In fact, seeking God first not only transforms your character and your perspective, but your patience is strengthened.

You’re able to say and mean, “God, since you are my husband now, make me the wife suitable to bring Your purpose in me to fruition.” It takes a lot of faith to say and believe that statement, but it takes even more to worship Christ in spite of what looks like a dead situation as Mary did when Jesus arrived after the death of Lazarus. Perhaps we can learn another thing or two from Mary though. Keep in mind while she uttered the same words her sister Martha had only moments before her posture was different. She was sad things didn’t appear to workout as planned but she also did what always did  in Christ’s presence…she sat and worshipped at His feet.  And yes Jesus wept. Jesus expressed His compassion. And I don’t believe it was just because of the passing of His friend or  because of the lack of faith both Martha, Mary, and the others exemplified when He arrived. I believe Jesus wept out of pure love…pure joy over the unexpected ending of their trial…of their waiting period. Jesus wept because He felt the pain this dear sister felt, but moreso he felt her surrender in her willingness to trust in heart despite what her eyes and mouth witnessed.

So you see…I understand the struggle is real in this single abyss ladies…you want someone to hold you…to protect you…to provide for you and to be your best friend…I do too…especially lately. Yet, God through Christ is all of that and more in your mean time for a reason. It’s not because He wants you to suffer or to wager how long you can keep your legs closed. Christ waits to show up so when He gets there your brokenness leaves no room for faking the funk. You simply must be real with God so He can unwrap your covering on earth as it is in Heaven. You see Mary and Martha had reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of their brother meant they has no covering.  They were the equivalent of widows in biblical times. Yet Mary worshipped. And at the Resurrection of this dear brother all was restorred.

Perhaps, the reason things appear to be taking so long is because you have convinced yourself that the time to resurrect what is left of your heart is long over due. Maybe you have decided like Martha to be bitter. Or maybe you’re a bystander who doesn’t have a clue of who Jesus is and what He’s capable of doing.  Or just maybe it’s not you at all. Perhaps, there are still tendencies in the one God gave permission to find you that must be irrevocably dead by all fleshly accounts before God ressurects him, unties hid hands, arms, and feet, and opens his eyes. At any rate my suggestion ladies is that you take your cue from Mary and worship in your meantime knowing that had a sinhle thing happened in your life a moment sooner maybe you wouldn’t fully appreciate what Christ wants you to understand about why He waited.  In retrospect I am grateful He waited to bless me with the man I desired as my husband because I know He waited because He loves me.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Delays and Detours: Not Now Doesn’t Mean Not Ever!

Single Lane Ramp…Use  Caution! Lane Closures Ahead…Expect Delays…Merge Now!

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You might have found yourself involuntary acquainted with these signs on the road. I simply must add an additional half-hour or more to my commute to make it wherever lately. It’s been a frustrating, yet a necessary daily process that the “powers that be” deem will make the rest of the journey a lot smoother so I endure.  I couldn’t help but consider this situation through a relational lens though.

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The way you embrace your season of singleness has a way of shifting your perspective on a lot. That said…Not now doesn’t mean not ever!

I have learned to gracefully accept this notion.  My delay has been for my own good. God was protecting me…FROM ME!!!  And if I’m more honest, He was also protecting my future spouse from me too. Yes, I said that and meant that. Honesty is a beautiful thing!  Since I’m brutally honest anyway…

Stop counting the days! The weeks! The years! The others who have gotten married although you feel like you’ve been dropped on the island of misfit toys! (Yes, Grammarians, I know those are fragments…moving on…)

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What we deem as “long enough” may be in God’s estimation, “just getting started.” I’m not trying to discourage your dating exploits. Rather, I want you to get to the root of the matter of “you.” After all, of the failed marriages and relationships you may have experienced, there is one common denominator:

YOU!

I’m not calling you out without considering my own journey now so don’t get it twisted…I have had to get reacquainted with myself too…And yes, I’m still single.  While I know my own single season is coming to a close soon, the difference between my now and my then is that before I was just healed.  Now I am healed and whole! There is a difference!

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Yes, hurt people hurt people, and even healed people heal people.  Regardless, even a whole person CAN NOT make another person whole! Only Christ can fill the voids in you so you are suitable for the man or woman He has designed to complement you.

That means the issue here is not how long you have experienced a delay in your “wait” for a mate. Rather, God’s concern is whether you are whole and whether the person He intends for you is also whole. The detours and delays are there merely because construction is in process and until the roads are clear–meaning both parties are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes even physically ready to receive one another– your safety and the safety of others requires you to take alternate routes at times. And yes, just like in traffic, it will take a little longer to get to your destination than you may have originally intended.

Have you allowed God authorization to reconstruct you?

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Detours and Delays!!! Who needs ’em? Who wants ’em?

In a way, we all do and don’t. No, I’m not contradicting myself…just take the meat and spit out the bones. What I mean is that though we generally do not want to be delayed in any process, especially relationships, detours are necessary sometimes to ensure we actually complete the process safely. If a bridge is out and there is no lane closure, the results would be catastrophic! It’s not very different from the results of a romantic relationship that lacks boundaries. So the next time you see the sign to detour when considering a potential dating partner, make the decision to take it with grace and expect delays knowing that not now does not mean not ever.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Fix that Door and Move On!

Laughter is my best medicine. I must find the funny in everything to function and no, I’m not mental!

So…basically, I planned to go to bowling the other day…was dressed and for a change would have actually been on time (the Lord is yet working on me in this area)

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Anyway…I go to open the door to leave and there I am all dolled up (yep, I’m a bit girlie girl)…purse and keys in one hand, the door knob in the other…considering my options…

So I decided to break out my tools…yes and I know how to use them.SwaggerGirl_Cape

So finally I get to the point of my title…I couldn’t leave until I fixed the door…

It made me consider my current relational status…I don’t consider being single who I am…which was further confirmed by Sunday’s message…I know my purpose as a follower of Christ and I still consider myself a wife…I just know I’m meant to be one to the right one.

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I just happen to be in “transition”…yeah…that has a nice little ring to it.

You see…though I was heading bowling that night, I was still trying to wrap my head around what was to transpire the next day.

My ex-husband had planned to visit my daughter from Little Rock, and because I’m not allowing my daughter out of my sight for any reason, I had to go as well…

It wasn’t unforgiveness, but definitely uneasiness…

I had been sort of dreading the reunion because I didn’t want what usually happened to happen again… there were always “misunderstandings!”

I thought…I want him to know that I have no hard feelings, but I also don’t want him to think I have “other feelings” either.

See my dilemma?

It was always a catch 22…if I rejected speaking to him, I was thought to hate him…if I was nice…I was expected to remarry him…

I had been praying about our interaction all week and asking God to reveal to me if I had any unforgiveness lurking in my heart that went unchecked…God confirmed that I had forgiven him, however, that I needed to still endure this test.

 

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Well, prayer works…the Lord showed me that just as I’d left alcoholism alone nearly 8 years ago and since had several tests…and yes…though I’ve drank a little…like 3 times within that time…He showed me how I have no taste for that life or the liquor itself anymore…in essence, I had to be exposed to it to know I’m completely done…

Hey, I’m not knocking anyone who drinks, I just know my boundaries now…that’s something I never really had before…for drinking or relationships…

Just pass me a Green Tea and the one God has chosen for me!

I guess you really know that you have forgiven and closed the door to the hurt of your past when you find yourself praying for that person and not in one of those, “God get ’em prayers!”

My point in all this is that God showed me that I had to fix the broken places in this past relationship to properly close the door before I would truly have my heart free enough to receive the man God has for me.  I did what I needed to do.  Maybe it’s time you do the same.

 

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Another One Bites the Dust

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I really thought that I was done writing about this subject, but of course, God has decided otherwise. I saw the article the other day about Christian rocker Trey Pearson coming out to his fans in an emotional letter and tried to ignore it. For those who have been following my blog a while you may recall a few posts I wrote about homosexuality and Christianity. For those who have not, here are the links to those posts:

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/04/28/newsflash-god-loves-homosexuals-too/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/06/29/can-a-christian-be-gay/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/05/23/grace-for-the-gay-life/

So I felt the need to revisit the topic again anyway because it seems that we Christians are definitely split on the issue. I admit that at times I have even been split myself. I don’t condone the lifestyle. However, neither do I condemn it. I used to wonder why on earth a woman would choose to be with another woman who looks and acts like a man. I used to wonder why on earth a man would be with another man who looks and acts like a woman. And I really had no intention of ever writing about the transgender public toilet issue, but as I learn to be more obedient to the Holy Spirit I realize I have little choice in at least bringing the issue to light.

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I wondered initially why in the world would God place this title on my heart.  It seems so heartless, but I realized that I had heard the song, knew it was an oldie, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics before.  I found an interesting parallel to it and the way we seem to treat people of faith who admit their truth to the world.  Check it out here:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queen/anotheronebitesthedust.html

I couldn’t help but consider the way we gun down our own so quickly.  Now granted, initially I was disturbed by the headline about Trey Pearson. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I said I was initially disturbed. However, I suppose I was most disturbed by it because I’ve known so many people over the years who have battled with the cover up.  It helped me feel more comfortable with the content of the remainder of this post when I saw the snippets of his interview from the View.

And when I say the “cover up” I don’t mean just covering homosexual desires.  I mean any type of secret sins.  You know the church girl who’s really addicted to sex, the deacon who really has a drug problem, the minister who’s committed adultery multiple times, and yes, the Christian struggling with homosexuality among others.

It seems the church is the only place where we kill our wounded.

Well, about the “coming out issue.”  A while ago, I befriended a young lady and we hit it off great. I’ve never been ashamed of discussing Jesus with anyone and let my kids tell it, I “make everything about Jesus!”  I used to shrink back because of them saying things like this, but hey I do and I will continue to do so.  Of course I’m not bashing folk over the head with the bible, but somehow I tell a little of my testimony everywhere I go.  I guess when you have lived through as much as I have gratitude just seeps.

Anyway, this young lady was married and had a 15-month old daughter when we met.  We’ve since lost touch and that’s really the only reason I feel comfortable sharing this.  a9974907b605006c10dca8a9239c9c88

At the time, I immediately noticed the smile on her face didn’t match the sadness in her eyes when she spoke. It was a façade.  However, at the time, I thought her mask was one hiding domestic violence and not that she had been  struggling with homosexuality.  As a matter of fact, in our first interaction, I mentioned this blog and I commented about how God was allowing me to minister in the strangest ways to all sorts of people. She is a Christian too.

For the record, Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with religion. It is a relationship with God through Christ!

Moving on….

I recall now that at some point in that initial interaction I mentioned I had been called to even assist those struggling with homosexuality, but I hadn’t understood how yet…that I really believe that avenue will be handled by my son as noted in one of the posts above.  I guess I was in my talkative zone and didn’t notice her gaze at that moment.d4c77a23ae75d87212a22a76bdb183a8

Fast forward a few months…we only spoke a  few more times when I’d talked with her about my writing, my kids, my desire to visit Nigeria to which she mentioned that her husband is Nigerian.  Well, the last contact I had with her struck me.  Though it had been a while since we spoke.  I guess seminary had me touch and go.  Anyway, I knew that God put her on my heart for a reason so I texted her to see how she was doing. She quickly responded that she had been going through.  I felt the need to send a message something like: “If you just need someone to listen, I’m here.  No judgement.”

Boy was I in for a surprise!  I just knew she was going to say something about her husband hitting her or some junk, but she dropped this bomb instead:  “My husband found some nude photos of a woman in my phone and I was entertaining it.  He knows that I was sexually involved with women before we got together.  He is really hurt.”

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I just sat in the parking lot in awe.  However, my response  to her admission was that nothing is too hard for God and then I found myself sharing what I am about to share here with you.  “Well, we have all slipped out of God’s will, and while I have never been in a lesbian situation, I have no idea how many men I have slept with! Yes, it’s been that many! If God’s grace could cover me, He could change anyone.” She responded with relief and gratitude.  I prayed for her and her marriage.  I prayed for God’s mercy and His guidance. However, most importantly before I ended our conversation I made sure that she knew that God loves her and that I did also.

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I’m only sharing this now because I lost touch with her after that and I feel that someone out there needs to know this.

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I hope and pray that things are going well for her now, but only God knows the outcome of that scenario. What I do know is the outcome of my scenario and what I have observed so far in this scenario with Trey Pearson.

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He is being exactly who he believes God made him to be.  It’s really not for us to understand his mind and heart. As for that acquaintance, she was obviously struggling with a sexual situation or even a soul tie. That in itself is from the enemy just as I had been. I used sex as an outlet because I didn’t even understand how much I was worth.

Now I did notice that Trey mentioned that he had been “attracted” to men since adolescence.  It seems that it would have a sexual aspect to it on the surface, but who knows? God does and yes He will judge accordingly.  Regardless, he will also judge everyone else for the lies, fornication, adultery, idolatry, murder, etc.  No sin is bigger than another, but all too often we surely try to make it that way, don’t we?

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I don’t condone homosexuality.  I’ve just grown in my faith enough to know that sometimes the only way to persuade others from the error of their ways is to love them through it.  That’s what Christ did for me and to me.  In fact, I was the main one condemning myself and then He allowed me to put myself in the place of the women caught in the act of adultery…oh yeah, I’ve been there and done that too..TWICE!!!  So I guess if I could end this post with anything that needs to be said it would be what Jesus said to her/me:

John 8:8-11 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Then He stooped down again and started writing on the ground. They listened [to His reply], and they began to go out one by one, starting with the oldest ones, until He was left alone, with the woman [standing there before Him] in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]

BAM!!! And  there it is folks.  I figure I should let that whole deliverance from sexual and relational addictions out there before the enemy has the nerve to think that I care about the things I’ve done in my past.  However, I realize that I’m no longer ashamed because I’ve been delivered from the desire to “need” an illicit relationship to feel complete.  That’s what true wholeness it about.  I’ve finally got it and I’m not giving it up for anybody.

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All that said, when it comes to people who struggle with sin regardless of whether it is on display or covered, we as Christians are not called to condemn them.  We are to love them so at least then another one doesn’t have to bite the dust.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Feeling Some Kinda Way about this Racism Thing

At almost 2 am I’m wondering why in the world am I still up and at this computer. Yet, at the very moment I was about to turn in, I saw this on Facebook: racismspeaks

Now I’m sure that there are thousands of messages if not more floating around the web and in the hearts of many, but the thing that caught everyone’s attention I suppose is that her profile is public and she works for Bank of America.  So far, I noticed that about 24K people have mentioned it and sent word back to bank of America.  I admit I went through some of the other posts and I even found myself checking out this woman’s page as well. I noticed in her friend list there were a few African Americans. There was even an interracial couple there as well. In that moment, I thought, “I wonder what they are thinking about this?”stopracism

Then I noted that others were commenting that the conversation seemed to show that many of her friends were in a agreement with her statements including the ones who by the looks of this message she considered, “Niggers.”  I’m wide awake now all over again and I really planned to hit the hay and get some rest.  Now, however, this thing has me staring at this screen wondering why we haven’t gotten beyond this stupidity yet?  I mean it’s been years!  I’m not hung up on reparation or anything like that, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Her words if they were indeed hers (I’m really struggling with trying to believe the best).  Yet, even if she didn’t do it…someone with a heart just as evil as we’ve demonized her as having did it.  thC61642AH

Perhaps someone even worse.  Regardless, I’m tired of all this mess and I really don’t understand why we still are having to deal with this crap. I mean this is a time when technology is booming, we are more educated now than ever before and apparently everybody wants to be free of “discrimination” to the point where we are lumping everyone into a melting pot of confusion.  I don’t like the way the future is unfolding here for my children. My brother mentioned a while back that he hopes and prays that there will be some decent young men available and willing to marry his daughters by the time they come of age. They are 7 and 9 years old now.  My daughter just told me that her 13 year old bestie had an abortion because she got pregnant.  And Donald Trump is a candidate for presidency.  I’m so confused with this stuff I’m finding myself praying for Jesus to return now. It would be a lot simpler than to sit and watch this world deteriorate like it has been.

I’m torn over this issue because part of me wants her fired.  Part of me even wants her to have to be on welfare and suffer.  I know that’s wrong so I guess the part of me that hopes those things is my flesh.  Lord, please forgive me and help me forgive her and any other person regardless of their race who treats me differently because I don’t look like them.

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Father, help us heal from wounds that have been passed down from other generations.  Father, open our eyes so that we may see our potential as well as the potential in others to do better than we did the day before. Help us to love like You love and to forgive as You forgive. Father, cleanse our hearts of resentment and strife. Help us not blame others for our misfortune and to trust You to be our vindicator. Forgive me Father, for the feelings I’ve had in these moments.  Yet, it angers me still. So yes, I wish I could wake up tomorrow and find racism, poverty, entitlement, and murder no longer existed, but the more I consider it the more useless the notion seems.  God please help us weather this storm too.  The cycle has to stop. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

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Just Be You!

Your distinction is the key to your destiny!!!imagesWe live in a world where everyone seems to believe that their best attempts at success and wholeness is to mimic those they envy. But God only made one you. He really did break the mold when He made you and He knows the thoughts He has toward you…I-know-the-plans-I-have-for-you-says-the-LORDHe knew you before you knew you so why not consider His advice?

Of course it’s understandable for those who may not know Christ, but what’s our excuse as Christians?

Why are we so scared to break out of the societal norms to do what Our Heavenly Father placed inside of us to do?

Problems are always going to be around because God has charged us to be problem solvers!!! You’re unique for a reason! You’re called to solve the very problem that irks you. It’s time to get beyond, “I wish I could do something to change it” and actually do something to change it.download (1)You can’t convince me of what one person can’t do because I know what Jesus did in his humanity. Better yet, His death and resurrection gave us the power to do “greater works than these.”

So I plead with you to acknowledge that God has already given you access to wealth. A wealth of joy, peace, and yes financial abundance is at your disposal, but you can’t receive if you don’t ask!  You can’t see change if you’re not willing to do!  And get this, you have no right to complain if you refuse to take action. It’s time to do something more than the mundane…to be more than conquerors…to speak…to learn…to just do you!

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©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Embrace the Mess and Go on with your badself!

I can only imagine the gasps of my daughter when she sees this title.  She thinks I’m so old because I once said, “ooh, that’s a bad car!” Okay…I realize that no one really says that anymore, but whatever.  I’ve witnessed so much in the mere 37 years…almost 38 years that I’ve been on the planet to know that growing old is a blessing…that stress…even so-called good stress is soooooo overrrated.  I’ve decided to simply have no part in it anymore. It’s not that I’m naive to the problems that might arise in life, but I am more aware of how much control I have over those events. In most cases, I have no control.  In some others, I understand that even then I have to be completely led by the Holy Spirit to do the right thing.  Even then, I mess up.

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I’ve messed up a lot all my life….yep, I’m not going to sit here and say, “lately” because an inventory of reality shouts that I should have a doctorate in mess ups by now.  Regardless, the beauty of loving me as God does is that in all that….He still does….He knew it before I knew it so whether I keep my Christ-like position in mind in a moment of potential road rage, or I decide to flip the bird to that person who decides to cut me off, God still loves me.  That helps me in this moment and I imagine the many that are to come because I’m able to embrace my mistakes and understand that with every breath I have an opportunity to choose another option the next time.

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Have I got it all together right now…absolutely not…and here’s the deal…none of us will ever have it all together until Christ returns to take us home.  Warning, this does not give you permission to do any old thing and take God’s grace for granted.  What it is instead is permission to actually receive the grace Christ died to give you when you need it.  And in turn give that same grace to others when you can give it.  Humility is not becoming a door mat…it is becoming a stepping stone for someone else to come up because they witness your selflessness in willing bringing yourself lower.  I was about to say I don’t know where that came from, but that would be lying wouldn’t it. Of course I know the Lord led me to put that…to read that…to know that about myself and also for anywho else reads this message that’s taken me exactly 5 minutes to conjure.  No editing…just flowing in what God gives…that is all…be blessed and yeah…I’m kinda likeing and loving the new me!

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Peace!!  Oh yeah…people don’t say that anymore either do they?  Whatever…I do!!!

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Rest

Stop. Pause. Focus. Slow Down. Listen.  For at least three weeks now, it seems that those words are the directions that I have been given.  Yet, I haven’t truly understood or embraced any of them fully until this moment.

suppose I should have gotten a clue when my student advisor said in our meeting, “I bet you’re the type of person who has it done the moment you receive the instruction.”  It was not a compliment or an insult.  One might think it was actually the former, but it was just further proof that at times I can be overly diligent.  That is…in my mind.  I suppose that is in itself the issue with having a massive vision.  It fuels a faith that at times can be downright foolish. I used to say and I may have even written here before that if it is not foolish it is not faith. Rather, if that was the case, I submit that I erred.  Perhaps it may appear foolish, but not actually be foolish to be faith.  I have made several mistakes by doing what I “felt” the Lord was leading me to do while not realizing my true motive underneath.  Pride led me to that point. Pride would hope to keep me there, but love has released me from that place of foolishness. Love of a Father, a Son, of a Holy One who together have done so much for me and in me that I have no choice but to receive what is being communicated.

I have attempted to build my own design…my own building…my own structure.  However, all along the structure I had been building was on an imbalanced foundation.  I know a thing or two about building on uncertainty.  It seems for years that is what I allowed myself to do. It had done nothing more than produce worry.  I allowed myself to think too much about things that really don’t matter.  I had built so much on sinking sand, but my image prevented me from opening my mouth and asking for help until it was nearly too late.  I chose to avoid family, friends, and at one point, I even stayed home from church.  I leaned to my own understanding.

Structure. Order. Trust.

I used to wonder when I was a child why my mother was always so consumed with worry…yet, we were at church every Sunday. As a child, I could not understand it and now I still don’t understand it.  It is senseless.  Yet, I allowed worry to nearly consume my being too for a moment.  One moment that lasted too long…where have the years gone?

So far, I have learned in my absence from family, my cousin hasn’t drank anything more than water as her choice beverage for at least 10 of the near 13 years since my original departure to AR…that it had been 10 years since I had been in Louisiana, though I’d had an open invitation to witness the beauty that blossomed out of the ashes of a shared past my brother and I experienced.

I realize that I was my worst enemy. I was facing turmoil with my own children because “God forbid” if I showed a flaw in my parenting skills…I was the super single mom who survived physical, mental, and emotional abuse.  My children were expected to fail by default, but flourished by grace…flourished a long while when I prayed regularly…when I sought My Father’s advice in every decision. Something happened and that stopped.  Yet, in His love for me, My Heavenly Father whispers to me even now as I randomly bleed on this page, “Just Rest.”

I’d been the one who always had it together so how was I to know what was required of me when all I had was broken….so I’m learning now how to truly surrender is learning to receive…learning to receive the presence of My Father as just that.  My daddy…my support…my heart…

Random as this might be I am determined to not just get back to my first love in Christ, but to get back to my first agenda.  It was simple.  If one person is changed…if one person is transformed…If one person doesn’t do what I have…If one person realizes how much they matter to God because of my story…I will do it.

So as my Savior did on that fateful day over 2000 years ago, I enter my flesh into a grave that has no power to hold me there…I will rise again.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Be Loved

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. Perhaps that’s why it’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything.  Well, I guess I’m done with my little sabbatical.  I’ve been exploring some of my drafts and other things in life that have had me in a very humble place….not just physically, but emotionally. It seems that God has been forcing me to deal with me.

It’s been uncomfortable. I came across a draft this morning.  Rereading it helped realize something about myself:

  1. I have been paralyzed with fear too long
  2. My unwillingness to continue to embrace God’s love for me was the reason I’d been stagnant.

Before, most of the following had been entitled: Well Done…Time for a New ID, but given the simple directive God gave me not long ago, I felt it more appropriate to name it Just Be Loved instead. Read on…I hope you understand why even this change was necessary….

I went looking for a colorful picture for the scripture 1 John 4:18.  perfect loveHowever, by mistake originally I neglected to place the 1 and saw this one instead:

John 4:18 New Living Translation (NLT)

18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”

I reread the rest of the story about the Samaritan woman.

I have always been glad God chose this type of woman to be one of His first evangelists. I figured if she could be used given her past surely I could too.  However, this morning God allowed me to examine further….to pinpoint her platform and her delivery.download

This woman really didn’t know who she was.  On the one hand, she knew what she believed about God, but she didn’t know what God believed about her…so instead of her trusting God to supply her needs, she sought the company of men..apparently any man.  So she remained thirsty.

Yet, this woman was only willing to seek a filling when undoubtedly her thirst had become unbearable. She lived in the desert so the last thing one would do is be outside at high noon on purpose unless they had no other choice! I’ve considered she had none.

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Like her, there was a transformation within my heart when I first truly began to embrace the love of Christ for me.  Yet, I wasn’t fully able to wrap my mind around that promise until a few months ago because I still identified myself as a product of my past.

This morning God showed me an unwelcome portrait of myself in the account of this lone Samaritan woman.  He showed me when I first encountered His deliverance I had been granted the freedom to be me, flaws and all.   I know now that the abuse had to happen.

Who knew that I had secretly been condemning myself?

Acknowledgment  was my first step to just be loved.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

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