Delays and Detours: Not Now Doesn’t Mean Not Ever!

Single Lane Ramp…Use  Caution! Lane Closures Ahead…Expect Delays…Merge Now!

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You might have found yourself involuntary acquainted with these signs on the road. I simply must add an additional half-hour or more to my commute to make it wherever lately. It’s been a frustrating, yet a necessary daily process that the “powers that be” deem will make the rest of the journey a lot smoother so I endure.  I couldn’t help but consider this situation through a relational lens though.

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The way you embrace your season of singleness has a way of shifting your perspective on a lot. That said…Not now doesn’t mean not ever!

I have learned to gracefully accept this notion.  My delay has been for my own good. God was protecting me…FROM ME!!!  And if I’m more honest, He was also protecting my future spouse from me too. Yes, I said that and meant that. Honesty is a beautiful thing!  Since I’m brutally honest anyway…

Stop counting the days! The weeks! The years! The others who have gotten married although you feel like you’ve been dropped on the island of misfit toys! (Yes, Grammarians, I know those are fragments…moving on…)

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What we deem as “long enough” may be in God’s estimation, “just getting started.” I’m not trying to discourage your dating exploits. Rather, I want you to get to the root of the matter of “you.” After all, of the failed marriages and relationships you may have experienced, there is one common denominator:

YOU!

I’m not calling you out without considering my own journey now so don’t get it twisted…I have had to get reacquainted with myself too…And yes, I’m still single.  While I know my own single season is coming to a close soon, the difference between my now and my then is that before I was just healed.  Now I am healed and whole! There is a difference!

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Yes, hurt people hurt people, and even healed people heal people.  Regardless, even a whole person CAN NOT make another person whole! Only Christ can fill the voids in you so you are suitable for the man or woman He has designed to complement you.

That means the issue here is not how long you have experienced a delay in your “wait” for a mate. Rather, God’s concern is whether you are whole and whether the person He intends for you is also whole. The detours and delays are there merely because construction is in process and until the roads are clear–meaning both parties are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes even physically ready to receive one another– your safety and the safety of others requires you to take alternate routes at times. And yes, just like in traffic, it will take a little longer to get to your destination than you may have originally intended.

Have you allowed God authorization to reconstruct you?

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Detours and Delays!!! Who needs ’em? Who wants ’em?

In a way, we all do and don’t. No, I’m not contradicting myself…just take the meat and spit out the bones. What I mean is that though we generally do not want to be delayed in any process, especially relationships, detours are necessary sometimes to ensure we actually complete the process safely. If a bridge is out and there is no lane closure, the results would be catastrophic! It’s not very different from the results of a romantic relationship that lacks boundaries. So the next time you see the sign to detour when considering a potential dating partner, make the decision to take it with grace and expect delays knowing that not now does not mean not ever.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Fix that Door and Move On!

Laughter is my best medicine. I must find the funny in everything to function and no, I’m not mental!

So…basically, I planned to go to bowling the other day…was dressed and for a change would have actually been on time (the Lord is yet working on me in this area)

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Anyway…I go to open the door to leave and there I am all dolled up (yep, I’m a bit girlie girl)…purse and keys in one hand, the door knob in the other…considering my options…

So I decided to break out my tools…yes and I know how to use them.SwaggerGirl_Cape

So finally I get to the point of my title…I couldn’t leave until I fixed the door…

It made me consider my current relational status…I don’t consider being single who I am…which was further confirmed by Sunday’s message…I know my purpose as a follower of Christ and I still consider myself a wife…I just know I’m meant to be one to the right one.

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I just happen to be in “transition”…yeah…that has a nice little ring to it.

You see…though I was heading bowling that night, I was still trying to wrap my head around what was to transpire the next day.

My ex-husband had planned to visit my daughter from Little Rock, and because I’m not allowing my daughter out of my sight for any reason, I had to go as well…

It wasn’t unforgiveness, but definitely uneasiness…

I had been sort of dreading the reunion because I didn’t want what usually happened to happen again… there were always “misunderstandings!”

I thought…I want him to know that I have no hard feelings, but I also don’t want him to think I have “other feelings” either.

See my dilemma?

It was always a catch 22…if I rejected speaking to him, I was thought to hate him…if I was nice…I was expected to remarry him…

I had been praying about our interaction all week and asking God to reveal to me if I had any unforgiveness lurking in my heart that went unchecked…God confirmed that I had forgiven him, however, that I needed to still endure this test.

 

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Well, prayer works…the Lord showed me that just as I’d left alcoholism alone nearly 8 years ago and since had several tests…and yes…though I’ve drank a little…like 3 times within that time…He showed me how I have no taste for that life or the liquor itself anymore…in essence, I had to be exposed to it to know I’m completely done…

Hey, I’m not knocking anyone who drinks, I just know my boundaries now…that’s something I never really had before…for drinking or relationships…

Just pass me a Green Tea and the one God has chosen for me!

I guess you really know that you have forgiven and closed the door to the hurt of your past when you find yourself praying for that person and not in one of those, “God get ’em prayers!”

My point in all this is that God showed me that I had to fix the broken places in this past relationship to properly close the door before I would truly have my heart free enough to receive the man God has for me.  I did what I needed to do.  Maybe it’s time you do the same.

 

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Another One Bites the Dust

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I really thought that I was done writing about this subject, but of course, God has decided otherwise. I saw the article the other day about Christian rocker Trey Pearson coming out to his fans in an emotional letter and tried to ignore it. For those who have been following my blog a while you may recall a few posts I wrote about homosexuality and Christianity. For those who have not, here are the links to those posts:

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/04/28/newsflash-god-loves-homosexuals-too/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/06/29/can-a-christian-be-gay/

https://1betternotbitter.com/2015/05/23/grace-for-the-gay-life/

So I felt the need to revisit the topic again anyway because it seems that we Christians are definitely split on the issue. I admit that at times I have even been split myself. I don’t condone the lifestyle. However, neither do I condemn it. I used to wonder why on earth a woman would choose to be with another woman who looks and acts like a man. I used to wonder why on earth a man would be with another man who looks and acts like a woman. And I really had no intention of ever writing about the transgender public toilet issue, but as I learn to be more obedient to the Holy Spirit I realize I have little choice in at least bringing the issue to light.

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I wondered initially why in the world would God place this title on my heart.  It seems so heartless, but I realized that I had heard the song, knew it was an oldie, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics before.  I found an interesting parallel to it and the way we seem to treat people of faith who admit their truth to the world.  Check it out here:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queen/anotheronebitesthedust.html

I couldn’t help but consider the way we gun down our own so quickly.  Now granted, initially I was disturbed by the headline about Trey Pearson. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I said I was initially disturbed. However, I suppose I was most disturbed by it because I’ve known so many people over the years who have battled with the cover up.  It helped me feel more comfortable with the content of the remainder of this post when I saw the snippets of his interview from the View.

And when I say the “cover up” I don’t mean just covering homosexual desires.  I mean any type of secret sins.  You know the church girl who’s really addicted to sex, the deacon who really has a drug problem, the minister who’s committed adultery multiple times, and yes, the Christian struggling with homosexuality among others.

It seems the church is the only place where we kill our wounded.

Well, about the “coming out issue.”  A while ago, I befriended a young lady and we hit it off great. I’ve never been ashamed of discussing Jesus with anyone and let my kids tell it, I “make everything about Jesus!”  I used to shrink back because of them saying things like this, but hey I do and I will continue to do so.  Of course I’m not bashing folk over the head with the bible, but somehow I tell a little of my testimony everywhere I go.  I guess when you have lived through as much as I have gratitude just seeps.

Anyway, this young lady was married and had a 15-month old daughter when we met.  We’ve since lost touch and that’s really the only reason I feel comfortable sharing this.  a9974907b605006c10dca8a9239c9c88

At the time, I immediately noticed the smile on her face didn’t match the sadness in her eyes when she spoke. It was a façade.  However, at the time, I thought her mask was one hiding domestic violence and not that she had been  struggling with homosexuality.  As a matter of fact, in our first interaction, I mentioned this blog and I commented about how God was allowing me to minister in the strangest ways to all sorts of people. She is a Christian too.

For the record, Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with religion. It is a relationship with God through Christ!

Moving on….

I recall now that at some point in that initial interaction I mentioned I had been called to even assist those struggling with homosexuality, but I hadn’t understood how yet…that I really believe that avenue will be handled by my son as noted in one of the posts above.  I guess I was in my talkative zone and didn’t notice her gaze at that moment.d4c77a23ae75d87212a22a76bdb183a8

Fast forward a few months…we only spoke a  few more times when I’d talked with her about my writing, my kids, my desire to visit Nigeria to which she mentioned that her husband is Nigerian.  Well, the last contact I had with her struck me.  Though it had been a while since we spoke.  I guess seminary had me touch and go.  Anyway, I knew that God put her on my heart for a reason so I texted her to see how she was doing. She quickly responded that she had been going through.  I felt the need to send a message something like: “If you just need someone to listen, I’m here.  No judgement.”

Boy was I in for a surprise!  I just knew she was going to say something about her husband hitting her or some junk, but she dropped this bomb instead:  “My husband found some nude photos of a woman in my phone and I was entertaining it.  He knows that I was sexually involved with women before we got together.  He is really hurt.”

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I just sat in the parking lot in awe.  However, my response  to her admission was that nothing is too hard for God and then I found myself sharing what I am about to share here with you.  “Well, we have all slipped out of God’s will, and while I have never been in a lesbian situation, I have no idea how many men I have slept with! Yes, it’s been that many! If God’s grace could cover me, He could change anyone.” She responded with relief and gratitude.  I prayed for her and her marriage.  I prayed for God’s mercy and His guidance. However, most importantly before I ended our conversation I made sure that she knew that God loves her and that I did also.

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I’m only sharing this now because I lost touch with her after that and I feel that someone out there needs to know this.

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I hope and pray that things are going well for her now, but only God knows the outcome of that scenario. What I do know is the outcome of my scenario and what I have observed so far in this scenario with Trey Pearson.

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He is being exactly who he believes God made him to be.  It’s really not for us to understand his mind and heart. As for that acquaintance, she was obviously struggling with a sexual situation or even a soul tie. That in itself is from the enemy just as I had been. I used sex as an outlet because I didn’t even understand how much I was worth.

Now I did notice that Trey mentioned that he had been “attracted” to men since adolescence.  It seems that it would have a sexual aspect to it on the surface, but who knows? God does and yes He will judge accordingly.  Regardless, he will also judge everyone else for the lies, fornication, adultery, idolatry, murder, etc.  No sin is bigger than another, but all too often we surely try to make it that way, don’t we?

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I don’t condone homosexuality.  I’ve just grown in my faith enough to know that sometimes the only way to persuade others from the error of their ways is to love them through it.  That’s what Christ did for me and to me.  In fact, I was the main one condemning myself and then He allowed me to put myself in the place of the women caught in the act of adultery…oh yeah, I’ve been there and done that too..TWICE!!!  So I guess if I could end this post with anything that needs to be said it would be what Jesus said to her/me:

John 8:8-11 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Then He stooped down again and started writing on the ground. They listened [to His reply], and they began to go out one by one, starting with the oldest ones, until He was left alone, with the woman [standing there before Him] in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]

BAM!!! And  there it is folks.  I figure I should let that whole deliverance from sexual and relational addictions out there before the enemy has the nerve to think that I care about the things I’ve done in my past.  However, I realize that I’m no longer ashamed because I’ve been delivered from the desire to “need” an illicit relationship to feel complete.  That’s what true wholeness it about.  I’ve finally got it and I’m not giving it up for anybody.

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All that said, when it comes to people who struggle with sin regardless of whether it is on display or covered, we as Christians are not called to condemn them.  We are to love them so at least then another one doesn’t have to bite the dust.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Just Be You!

Your distinction is the key to your destiny!!!imagesWe live in a world where everyone seems to believe that their best attempts at success and wholeness is to mimic those they envy. But God only made one you. He really did break the mold when He made you and He knows the thoughts He has toward you…I-know-the-plans-I-have-for-you-says-the-LORDHe knew you before you knew you so why not consider His advice?

Of course it’s understandable for those who may not know Christ, but what’s our excuse as Christians?

Why are we so scared to break out of the societal norms to do what Our Heavenly Father placed inside of us to do?

Problems are always going to be around because God has charged us to be problem solvers!!! You’re unique for a reason! You’re called to solve the very problem that irks you. It’s time to get beyond, “I wish I could do something to change it” and actually do something to change it.download (1)You can’t convince me of what one person can’t do because I know what Jesus did in his humanity. Better yet, His death and resurrection gave us the power to do “greater works than these.”

So I plead with you to acknowledge that God has already given you access to wealth. A wealth of joy, peace, and yes financial abundance is at your disposal, but you can’t receive if you don’t ask!  You can’t see change if you’re not willing to do!  And get this, you have no right to complain if you refuse to take action. It’s time to do something more than the mundane…to be more than conquerors…to speak…to learn…to just do you!

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©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Embrace the Mess and Go on with your badself!

I can only imagine the gasps of my daughter when she sees this title.  She thinks I’m so old because I once said, “ooh, that’s a bad car!” Okay…I realize that no one really says that anymore, but whatever.  I’ve witnessed so much in the mere 37 years…almost 38 years that I’ve been on the planet to know that growing old is a blessing…that stress…even so-called good stress is soooooo overrrated.  I’ve decided to simply have no part in it anymore. It’s not that I’m naive to the problems that might arise in life, but I am more aware of how much control I have over those events. In most cases, I have no control.  In some others, I understand that even then I have to be completely led by the Holy Spirit to do the right thing.  Even then, I mess up.

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I’ve messed up a lot all my life….yep, I’m not going to sit here and say, “lately” because an inventory of reality shouts that I should have a doctorate in mess ups by now.  Regardless, the beauty of loving me as God does is that in all that….He still does….He knew it before I knew it so whether I keep my Christ-like position in mind in a moment of potential road rage, or I decide to flip the bird to that person who decides to cut me off, God still loves me.  That helps me in this moment and I imagine the many that are to come because I’m able to embrace my mistakes and understand that with every breath I have an opportunity to choose another option the next time.

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Have I got it all together right now…absolutely not…and here’s the deal…none of us will ever have it all together until Christ returns to take us home.  Warning, this does not give you permission to do any old thing and take God’s grace for granted.  What it is instead is permission to actually receive the grace Christ died to give you when you need it.  And in turn give that same grace to others when you can give it.  Humility is not becoming a door mat…it is becoming a stepping stone for someone else to come up because they witness your selflessness in willing bringing yourself lower.  I was about to say I don’t know where that came from, but that would be lying wouldn’t it. Of course I know the Lord led me to put that…to read that…to know that about myself and also for anywho else reads this message that’s taken me exactly 5 minutes to conjure.  No editing…just flowing in what God gives…that is all…be blessed and yeah…I’m kinda likeing and loving the new me!

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Peace!!  Oh yeah…people don’t say that anymore either do they?  Whatever…I do!!!

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Just Rest

Stop. Pause. Focus. Slow Down. Listen.  For at least three weeks now, it seems that those words are the directions that I have been given.  Yet, I haven’t truly understood or embraced any of them fully until this moment.

suppose I should have gotten a clue when my student advisor said in our meeting, “I bet you’re the type of person who has it done the moment you receive the instruction.”  It was not a compliment or an insult.  One might think it was actually the former, but it was just further proof that at times I can be overly diligent.  That is…in my mind.  I suppose that is in itself the issue with having a massive vision.  It fuels a faith that at times can be downright foolish. I used to say and I may have even written here before that if it is not foolish it is not faith. Rather, if that was the case, I submit that I erred.  Perhaps it may appear foolish, but not actually be foolish to be faith.  I have made several mistakes by doing what I “felt” the Lord was leading me to do while not realizing my true motive underneath.  Pride led me to that point. Pride would hope to keep me there, but love has released me from that place of foolishness. Love of a Father, a Son, of a Holy One who together have done so much for me and in me that I have no choice but to receive what is being communicated.

I have attempted to build my own design…my own building…my own structure.  However, all along the structure I had been building was on an imbalanced foundation.  I know a thing or two about building on uncertainty.  It seems for years that is what I allowed myself to do. It had done nothing more than produce worry.  I allowed myself to think too much about things that really don’t matter.  I had built so much on sinking sand, but my image prevented me from opening my mouth and asking for help until it was nearly too late.  I chose to avoid family, friends, and at one point, I even stayed home from church.  I leaned to my own understanding.

Structure. Order. Trust.

I used to wonder when I was a child why my mother was always so consumed with worry…yet, we were at church every Sunday. As a child, I could not understand it and now I still don’t understand it.  It is senseless.  Yet, I allowed worry to nearly consume my being too for a moment.  One moment that lasted too long…where have the years gone?

So far, I have learned in my absence from family, my cousin hasn’t drank anything more than water as her choice beverage for at least 10 of the near 13 years since my original departure to AR…that it had been 10 years since I had been in Louisiana, though I’d had an open invitation to witness the beauty that blossomed out of the ashes of a shared past my brother and I experienced.

I realize that I was my worst enemy. I was facing turmoil with my own children because “God forbid” if I showed a flaw in my parenting skills…I was the super single mom who survived physical, mental, and emotional abuse.  My children were expected to fail by default, but flourished by grace…flourished a long while when I prayed regularly…when I sought My Father’s advice in every decision. Something happened and that stopped.  Yet, in His love for me, My Heavenly Father whispers to me even now as I randomly bleed on this page, “Just Rest.”

I’d been the one who always had it together so how was I to know what was required of me when all I had was broken….so I’m learning now how to truly surrender is learning to receive…learning to receive the presence of My Father as just that.  My daddy…my support…my heart…

Random as this might be I am determined to not just get back to my first love in Christ, but to get back to my first agenda.  It was simple.  If one person is changed…if one person is transformed…If one person doesn’t do what I have…If one person realizes how much they matter to God because of my story…I will do it.

So as my Savior did on that fateful day over 2000 years ago, I enter my flesh into a grave that has no power to hold me there…I will rise again.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

No strings

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With God there are no strings attached. No need to play puppet…no need to masquerade and act the part of who you are not. God loves you just the way you are. Better yet, He loves you just the way you will become.

It seems pretty simple, but sometimes in life we beat ourselves up mentally and emotionally because in others’ eyes we don’t seem to measure up. Whether their expectations are perceived or real, we find ourselves more focused on what “they” think instead of what we think or worse we neglect to consider the only real opinion that matters is God’s. 

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However, there comes a time when you must realize that pleasing God is going to displease a lot of people and you must be okay with that to truly follow Him. And yes, those disappointed people might even share your bloodline. Still, your life is yours for a reason. It’s not meant for you to be led by someone else’s expectations or desires. God knew you before you were born and had already equipped you with everything you need to live YOUR life.
I’m finally coming to grips with this myself that what seems the right thing to do for someone else may not be right for me. Sure getting advice is great. In fact, the Bible states you should seek wise council. However, when I think about those who have offered, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” kind of advice, I have to be real with myself and understand that sometimes the fact that they are not me is what really needs to be considered more. Now I’m not advocating that you go blindly following your own way all the time, but when it comes to your destiny, I strongly urge you to consider somethings before you become a puppet in a play not designed for you.

Consider your passions…
Consider your strengths…
Consider your weaknesses…
Consider your patterns…
Consider whether what you’re doing is in line with God’s word…

Sure there will be slip ups, hang ups, and pit falls in this Christian journey, but you are not required to stay where you’ve fallen. In other words, God’s grace is sufficient to keep you no matter how many times it takes to get it right.

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…And even then we can get it wrong. I do everyday. Does that give you a get out of jail free card for intentional sin…no, not really, but it does leave an awesome amount of room for error.

Face it if we had the  ability to keep it together on our own, Christ’s purpose would be obsolete. But that’s the point. We don’t have the ability to do it in our own strength. We can only live a consecrated life through Christ. So regardless of how many times you have messed up, God’s love has never had nor will ever have strings attached. So cut the ones others have on you and be real. God never made you anyone’s puppet.

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Not Quite Homeless

As I braved the bitter temperatures arresting my face and hands this morning I felt thankful and saddened in an instant. That feeling lasted a little longer than I wanted. So I continued about the business of moving things from my car to another temporary residence.

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My second trip indoors was harder than my first in that I couldn’t prevent the tears of gratitude and frustration. Thankful that I had somewhere warm and even comfortable to rest my head…to rest my worries…to rest assured that yes, my son’s faith was right again….His words, “relax mom, a lot can happen in a week.”

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Indeed a lot had happened in the week that proceeded this day….for me…for us…within a week I had been given a deadline to get my act together…had been told no on so many occasions that I considered again why so many people in my state had chosen to give up on everything. I had been accepted to seminary, had been graced to have mounds of debt super-naturally removed…had my faith in Christ renewed…had my purpose through Him defined…Yes, so much had transpired.

Still on the day commemorating the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his dream of peace and equality, I can’t help but consider those who feel  the blight regardless of their race, national origin, religious affiliation, or gender….those drafted into a reality they never chose…my homeless brothers and sisters.

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My heart breaks and at least now I know that one of spiritual gifts is giving…yet even in my generosity I’ve been warned against giving too much…doing too much…all I feel is that I can’t do enough…

In the passed 13 years have indeed been filled with many humbling experiences…Even in those, I realize now why I have had to take so many tests over again.

I had yet to consider my ways

Haggai 1:5-7(ESV)

Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes.

“Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways.

I’d been brought back to the same passages year after year, but pride had me considering I had it together. I guess when I consider the blank monotony of religion itself, I did.  I was nothing more than a modern day Pharisee when things were going well for me…all head knowledge but still failing to acknowledge the importance of the valley for myself and others.

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Within a year, I’ve learned that only those who have been in the valley are able to lead others out…only those who have experienced the pain of rejection and disdain of indifference can encourage others to keep moving forward.

So I understand now. I’m excited about the ones who I will bring out with me.

I still have no physical place to call my own since leaving the home and life I knew in Little Rock, but I know that this place is exactly where  I need to be right now.

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Co-dependence: The Guilt that Keeps on Giving

Today is a day of firsts! The first day of the month and the first day in over 12 years that I’ll dare set foot on the scene of the crime…the one that momentarily left me with the inability to feel I had a reason to smile.

Yet, for no particular reason I’ve learned to smile often…thankfully it’s no longer to hide pain, but to embrace promise, potential, and every opportunity within reach.

I accept what happened years ago as a learning opportunity…Albeit, physically painful and emotionally jarring I can finally agree that by God’s grace, I’ve thrived beyond domestic abuse…today is also the first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month…so I pray every post going forward encourage a lifestyle a little freer than the day before…whether you consider yourself a victim of abuse…a former perpetrator of it, or someone stuck in between…I hope this post is a start to the healing process…I actually penned the latter part of this post yesterday so it’s tone is a bit random, but no less from the heart of one who’s been there…done that…a free to be the me I was meant to be…
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Warning, this is one of those spur of the moment posts that are bound to have typos and run-ons and stuff.  It’s random and off the cuff…I came, I typed and there you have it….but I’m learning to at least get this stuff out…I leave the editing for later.

Do you consider yourself an agreeable person?

If you answered yes to that question, you probably are thinking pretty well of yourself, huh?

Well, time to bust your bubble.  If you are or better yet if those who interact with you consider you an agreeable person, you might be susceptible to a certain danger than has claimed the lives of millions.  Yep, you just might be co-dependent!

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I know I know.  Isn’t it good to be “agreeable?” In certain situations it might me a fitting trait, but there comes a time when you simply must have and USE a mind of your own. And before you think that I’m pointing the finger here…let’s just say I, like many of you reading this post, have had the unfortunate displeasure of being codependent before.  Whew!!! Glad I got that over.

First, let me explain for those who might not know what codependency is.
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It would seem that the wording alone should be enough but then it could easily get misconstrued that co-dependence suggests that there is a healthy level of dependence on another individual of which you are in a relationship with….Wow…didn’t that sound all important and stuff…Anyway…it’s actually the exact opposite…

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For those who could care less about the scientific definition or application….it basically means you’re a people-pleaser or “agreeable.”  It even almost suggests that you don’t allow yourself to have a single thought without considering the impact that it will have on another individual…oh and then abruptly changing that thought to make sure it’s what they want even if you dont… AWWW…I know again you’re probably thinking…isn’t that just being thoughtful or compassionate.  Don’t all relationships require sacrifices? Yes and No….of course the purpose of this post is leaning on the “no” of it so follow me…

People pleasing to the extent that you lose your own say is not healthy.  I know because I lived it for far too long…You might say….I felt like busting loose and I’ve been slowly trying to get my “no” as tactful as possible lately.

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Codependency is not just in romantic relationships either….it can even be at work!!!!   Yep, I admit, the first step towards my escape of co-dependence started on 05/15/15.  the day I gave my 2 week notice to my former employer.  Now I’m not bad mouthing them or anything….the ministry is great and the coworkers were really like family….but I knew I had to go….There was no growth there for me and while parting was indeed sweet sorrow….my right now gives me joy in spite of the irregularity of a pay check!
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I really hope somebody gets this for real….download (1)

Yes, there have been some things that I had originally committed to that I have since recanted because I have to be mindful of my own well-being first.  Now, I am not advocating that you trot off thinking that it’s all about “you” because it’s not.  I am, however, suggesting that you seriously consider your options before you make any rash decisions.

And oh but the bible says….Yes, about that…Blessed are the peace-makers for they are the children of God…yes, Mathew 5:9 of the Beattitudes….Yes, Jesus said it and that settles it…..

Don’t get it twisted please….being a peace maker in no way means that you surrender the very mind, actions, and soul that God gave you to please another when you’re slowly dying on the inside.  I know that might seem a bit drastic, but obviously this subject is dear to me…consider this scripture instead if you find your self stuck in between all the time:

James 1:8 New Living Translation

Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Yes, there are times when it is going to be necessary that you bear one another’s burdens, but there must be balance.  And that my friend is exactly what a co-dependency lacks.  There is no balance because for that to occur there would have to be two sides holding equal weight.

That’s why I emphasize so much the importance of wholeness before you enter into a relationship.  You’ve simply got to know your limits…have some boundaries…and understand the consequences of YOUR decisions.

So people, this is not some expert moment about being delivered from co-dependence overnight or even in a few months….It’s really about choosing the best option for you and your family.  Yes, compromise is sometimes needed, but at some point you should develop and stick to your convictions as God allows.

There is absolutely no way that I would have been able to get this far in my mini analysis had I not began to defer many of my decisions to the Lord for direction. That said, I’ve made some drastic changes and it has been daunting, but in the long run I know I’m getting better. So yes, I’m learning to just say no to things that aren’t in my best interest…I want to encourage you to choose to do the same.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

I Know Not…

A while ago my prayer for wisdom seemed a simple request.  Almost immediately I found myself tested.  Questions about relationships, finances, wholeness, and a fruitful spiritual walk arose daily.  Ironically, all of which were areas I deemed myself woefully deficient.  Yet I was on the receiving end of such anyway.  Perhaps those who asked of me knew me better than I knew myself at the time.

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There is One who knows me best.  God does. He answered my prayer for wisdom and discernment.  I expected to wait longer like some of the prayers of years passed. I’m embarrassed to admit the burden I requested…for people to look to me for answers when my own mind seems adrift most days in a sea of known things I desire to forget….

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Since that prayer many months ago, conviction has been my constant companion. Discernment has kept me awake  many nights and I’ve found myself still unable to grasp the “who” that I am. Instead, my mind has jogged between the must dos and must goes…yet today, my heart stopped.

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I had no answers.  I didn’t know half of what people expected of me.

Before her illness, I thought I knew His plan. In fact, I thought ours were identical.  Yet God’s lacked what mine was full of…Omissions…

  • My plan conveniently withheld the discipline required to possess a submissive will.  
  • My plan included the gifts without the opposition.  
  • Yes, my plan outlined the desires of a tattered heart, but still passively dismissed that Christ really did have the ability to make it beat again.
  • My plan had several emergency exits.  

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This journey has forced me to rely on God’s provision day by day.  So though I resisted before, now, I’ve made the choice to fully surrender my plan to His.  I admit I really don’t know the next step!  Regardless, there is one thing I am still sure of…without His guidance I simply don’t know enough!

©2015 Nadia Davis.  All rights Reserved.