And when I rested…restorration appeared. I began this message personally to my choir director, but as so many have before, this message too has morphed into what it is: ministry.

“The song you wrote and ministered was exactly what I needed today…I know it and the message was also the reason the enemy was so determined to stop me from staying for service. Thank You!”

I needed that reminder to worship everyday. 

The other day I asked myself what was the difference with my then and now…how I was able to face demonic influences head on without a second thought, but in my own home now struggle to divide the spirit from my son so that I may continue to love him as any son deserves.

God reminded me…my atmosphere changed…that I began my days and ended them with my own worship service…that in everything I gave thanks just because  I remembered when…the difference was that regardless of where I was physically or even mentally, worship kept my mind,body, and soul above the elements that sought to distract me in a given moment.

The enemy sought to drive a wedge between the beating of my heart and righteous discipline today…I allowed myself to react and not respond. I listened to the negativity instead of the truth. I’d grown tired of waiting for my thorn to disappear…At one point in my anger and pain over the treatment I received from my son, led me to consider him as that thorn…guilt followed this assumption until this very moment…I didn’t want to despise him for the disrespect…I didn’t want to neglect his heart though in reality I’d already neglected my own by allowing certain this transpire. And so the Father has shown me the beauty for ashes in a trailer…my life’s script and that of my son’s has already been completed and only the director knows what the final product will show. Still God’s allowed me to see the previews and this keeps me intrigued…many of the outtakes will be laughable in time…though while the delays transpired, frustration and stress took over for a moment…Moments such bittersweet elements of time…and as I sat in the latter service listening…I heard Him more clearly than I had in a while…

“Yes, daughter, he is a thorn, but one of many”

For this reason I know as with Paul’s request, removal is not an option…and before I could muster a protest over the honor due me as his mother, God’s response…still barely above a whisper…

“I love you too much to leave you unprotected”

And immediately a rose came to mind…that my thorns including the rift between my son and I, force those who are meant to walk with me whether my friends or  my future husband to handle me with care…Still those thorns protect me from predators who have no intention adding to my life…those, who seek to deplete me of my potential for growth are required to halt…yet, most importantly my thorns keep me humble…my thorns drive me to the Presence of my God…

So had all my thorns been removed, I would die a victim of prideful self-sufficiency…so I’ve learned to not give up by giving up…I’ve learned to worship in spite of…to surrender.

And when I rested…He restorred…Selah