And when I rested…restoration appeared. I began this message personally to my choir director, but as so many have before, this message too morphed into what it is: ministry.
“The song you wrote and ministered was exactly what I needed today…I know it and the message was also the reason the enemy was so determined to stop me from staying for service. Thank You!”
I needed that reminder to worship everyday.
The other day I asked myself what was the difference with my then and now…
How was I able to face demonic influences head on without a second thought before, but in my own home now struggle to divide the spirit from my son so that I may continue to love him as he deserves?
God reminded me. My atmosphere changed. I began my days and ended them with my own worship service before. In everything I gave thanks just because I remembered when. The difference was that regardless of where I was physically or even mentally, worship kept my mind,body, and soul above the elements that sought to distract me in a given moment.
The enemy sought to drive a wedge between the beating of my heart and righteous discipline today. I allowed myself to react and not respond. I listened to the negativity instead of the truth. I’d grown tired of waiting for my thorn to disappear. At one point in my anger and pain I was led to consider him as that thorn. Guilt followed this assumption until this very moment. I didn’t want to despise him for the disrespect. I didn’t want to neglect his heart though in reality I’d already neglected my own by allowing certain things transpire.
And so the Father showed me the beauty for ashes in a trailer…my life’s script and that of my son’s has already been completed and only the Director knows has access to the final product. Still He’s allowed me to see the previews. This keeps me intrigued. Many of the outtakes will be laughable in time.
Frustration and stress took over for a moment…Moments are such bittersweet elements of time…and as I sat in the latter service listening…I heard Him more clearly than I had in a while…
Yes, daughter, he is a thorn, but one of many
For this reason I know as with Paul’s request, removal is not an option. And before I could muster a protest over the honor due me, God’s response,still barely above a whisper, beckoned,
I love you too much to leave you unprotected
Immediately a rose came to mind…
My thorns will force those who are meant to walk with me to handle me with care…
Those thorns protect me from predators who have no intention adding to my life…those, who seek to deplete me of my potential for growth are required to halt…yet, most importantly my thorns keep me humble…my thorns drive me to the Presence of my God…
So had all my thorns been removed, I would die a victim of prideful self-sufficiency…so I’ve learned to not give up by giving up…I’ve learned to worship in spite of…to surrender.
And when I rested…He restorred…Selah
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