Just a thought…

Ladies, perhaps you feel good men are hard to find because you’ve misunderstood a few things about God’s design. Men were never designed to be found. The bible says, “when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

I know you’ve heard that before, but peep this. It is a male’s responsability to become a man…that man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Paul said it best when he acknowledged his transition to manhood as marked  by his choice to put childish things away. Note the decision to become mature here.”To put” is intentional. It is not random.  It is a natural progression that requires a special type of humility to be a suitable covering for a wife. A man must understand that when he finds you that you are a gift from God to be cherished. This humility isn’t manufactured by your mere presence either, ladies. Rather, this humility is one fostered by a real relationship with God long before he senses the longing to share himself and his purpose with another.

Let’s take Adam. Adam was active in his purpose and openly naked in his relationship with God. God is the one who said, it is not good for man to be alone.. not Adam.  That means Adam was content because he was unaware that something was missing…and that’s because nothing was missing.  He was complete.  He was whole.  He was mature. He was ready. And when He was ready, God closed his eyes and gave him rest…a deep sleep, the bible says…God removed a rib and formed Eve…Eve was presented to Adam after he was awakened…hmmm yes and no…notice the sequence. God first closed the place of his flesh. God understood a helper suitable would not be a perfect complement if Adam’s flesh had been open.

A lot has changed since that first union….

So what exactly is your role in this process, you might ask…well, it’s not just to wait idly by for a male to mature into manhood…it’s not to put your life on hold idolizing marriage and the idea of being in love or having a soulmate either. Your job ladies is to be…the helpmate…to the Kingdom of God… yes, to allow God to form you into His good thing first…to teach you a level of grace necessary to receive the heart, hand, and yes habits of the one God’s chosen as your earthly covering. It is a process…sometimes it takes a lot longer than you expect, but it is never too late.

Remember, God’s not obligated to your calendar, watch, or your biological clock.

But Why So Long Lawd?

He is jealous of you! You see God’s jealousy is the only type considered good because His motive for having it is pure love…meaning because He knows the hearts of men…that only He is able to love you and take care of you properly so just any man isn’t good enough for you. That is why it is for your benefit to wait and not rush the process.

Take it from someone who got it wrong twice! God will only allow you to be found by one who’s character most closely resembles His. Likewise, His love for the godly man He’s got in mind for you is just as potent so God’s not willing to present him with anything less than a good thing either.

Your job essentially is to allow God to show you your true self. Be prepared to see the good, bad, and ugly. No, I’m not talking physically but internally. When you seek Him first, the all these things is not limited to the tangible ladies. Some of you might have an independent woman attitude like I did.  Yet, when God is readying you to be found you notice that all of a sudden you feel a longing to be joined with another…to do life with a partner. Some might have never thought of having a child, but all of a sudden you have the desire to be around children.  Some of you might shriek at the thought of a homeless person coming near you and all of a sudden you have a sense of compassion that prompts you to dream up a center to help the homeless transition off the streets.  Ladies, as you press into Him the desire to gossip leaves. These things, ladies, are the attributes of God’s character.

These things are new eyes to see yourself as He does. What’s more those new eyes allow you to see others as He sees them. You might even find yourself grieved over the questions from a young girl wanting to know after being diagnosed with an STD when she can have sex again. You might first judge that she doesn’t know her worth, but later being willing to listen to the voice in your heart whispering, “prostitution” and so instead of sentencing her to the foolishness of her actions, you understand the motive behind her need for an answer…and yet you’re still grieved…so you find yourself praying for her safety and that another means of income present itself so she not be required to put herself in danger night after night only to feed the crying baby in the background…these things…yes, these things including that godly man as your husband will come when you seek God first because by doing so you are prepared for the role of being a wife before the ring or even the relationship…

In fact, seeking God first not only transforms your character and your perspective, but your patience is strengthened.

You’re able to say and mean, “God, since you are my husband now, make me the wife suitable to bring Your purpose in me to fruition.” It takes a lot of faith to say and believe that statement, but it takes even more to worship Christ in spite of what looks like a dead situation as Mary did when Jesus arrived after the death of Lazarus. Perhaps we can learn another thing or two from Mary though. Keep in mind while she uttered the same words her sister Martha had only moments before her posture was different. She was sad things didn’t appear to workout as planned but she also did what always did  in Christ’s presence…she sat and worshipped at His feet.  And yes Jesus wept. Jesus expressed His compassion. And I don’t believe it was just because of the passing of His friend or  because of the lack of faith both Martha, Mary, and the others exemplified when He arrived. I believe Jesus wept out of pure love…pure joy over the unexpected ending of their trial…of their waiting period. Jesus wept because He felt the pain this dear sister felt, but moreso he felt her surrender in her willingness to trust in heart despite what her eyes and mouth witnessed.

So you see…I understand the struggle is real in this single abyss ladies…you want someone to hold you…to protect you…to provide for you and to be your best friend…I do too…especially lately. Yet, God through Christ is all of that and more in your mean time for a reason. It’s not because He wants you to suffer or to wager how long you can keep your legs closed. Christ waits to show up so when He gets there your brokenness leaves no room for faking the funk. You simply must be real with God so He can unwrap your covering on earth as it is in Heaven. You see Mary and Martha had reason to worry. They were unmarried and the death of their brother meant they has no covering.  They were the equivalent of widows in biblical times. Yet Mary worshipped. And at the Resurrection of this dear brother all was restorred.

Perhaps, the reason things appear to be taking so long is because you have convinced yourself that the time to resurrect what is left of your heart is long over due. Maybe you have decided like Martha to be bitter. Or maybe you’re a bystander who doesn’t have a clue of who Jesus is and what He’s capable of doing.  Or just maybe it’s not you at all. Perhaps, there are still tendencies in the one God gave permission to find you that must be irrevocably dead by all fleshly accounts before God ressurects him, unties hid hands, arms, and feet, and opens his eyes. At any rate my suggestion ladies is that you take your cue from Mary and worship in your meantime knowing that had a sinhle thing happened in your life a moment sooner maybe you wouldn’t fully appreciate what Christ wants you to understand about why He waited.  In retrospect I am grateful He waited to bless me with the man I desired as my husband because I know He waited because He loves me.

©2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.