I almost resisted the day! I almost decided to avoid the norm expected of every blogger, poet, and word wrangler solely for the sake of being quiet. Not that I am particularly unmoved by the effervescent aroma of outward expressions of love in the air amid the shades of red and rose that don at least every other woman on the planet today, but that I simply chose to remain as I am every day lately…at quiet peace with me. In calm solace with God.
And then something arrested my development in a moment that I couldn’t ignore for even the sake of silence. I was reminded that trust is the one thing so many desire and the main thing so many relationships lack on this day, the day after, and the next. Yet, I realize if I could offer nothing else to Him who so lovingly gifted me with responsibilities I’m just now learning to appreciate, the least and the greatest gift to offer would be that of my trust.
Some might not think twice about these numbers, but in consideration of my ways, this number caught and kept my attention from the early morning until my right now so intensely I felt compelled to share it. No, it was not the fact that the threes represent the Trinity or that the fives represent Grace or even that the fact the two together side by side equal a double portion of such. No it was not even the fact that 3+5=8 and that biblically the number signifies new beginnings. No, not this morning anyway. I only took the time to regather my assessment of such this afternoon in reflection. Yet, when what I budgeted as needing to be about 30.00 ran over and ended up on this number at the gas pump, immediately I knew what message I was to gather.
Trust in the Lord and Lean Not to Your Own Understanding, In all your Ways submit to Him and He will Make Your Ways Straight.
I’d run across that verse several times over the years, but the other day I was moved to consider it with the few beneath it as well…through the 8th verse in particular because I’ve experienced such wickedness in my path for the last few weeks.
Still, I vowed to never again be offended. My my, shouldn’t I have expected the temptation to be that much greater?
I suppose I should have, but even in the moments I’ve been confronted with satan’s diabolical schemes to get me distracted, I only find myself marveling at the way God pays attention to me…how the hurt I’ve endured has helped me love better…how the pain I’ve witnessed in the eyes of those who intentionally seek to do me harm moves me to pity them for His sake.
I fully trust Him again.
I can’t exactly say when or how my faith waned over the years, but I know that at some point, my childlike adoration for My Source became diluted. Perhaps I’d forgotten I was meant to soar above the storms like an eagle when faced with financial burden upon burden. Maybe I hadn’t recalled that my name meant “Hope” and that was the very reason I was so effortlessly able to lead others in that direction. Perhaps, I took the time to pay attention to the clouds instead of Who makes them move.
Whatever the case, I know better now. I’ve disappointed myself with my deeds and words at times and at times I have allowed the same of others convince me once or twice that perhaps all men are liars, but growth with the grace of God has a way of allowing broken places access to a certain resilience only my smile can explain. So I bounce back and forgive knowing that “they truly have no idea what they are doing.”
So even my current persecutors’ agenda has me shaking my head in more ways than one. My God has never failed me, whether I have been attached to another or ruptured within my heart, I am content with His affection towards me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is since trust is the greatest expression of love, I am honored today and everyday to give all of my trust to the One I truly can.
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