Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges


June 2016

Change is Constant-Get Used to It!

If you really plan to walk in the destiny designed for you, prepare to get uncomfortable!  Prepare to walk into areas that are unfamiliar! Dare to do something great and know that your steps may not be understood by those closest to you. Why? Discomfort is a prerequisite of excellence.

However, this type of discomfort is a good thing. It refines you and doesn’t harm you although at times it may hurt . It is meant to sharpen your sense of God’s presence and His provision. If you are creative, you are meant to be a leader so there’s really no way around it.  You need to get used to being uncomfortable.

Think about it. We are naturally creatures of habit. Change hurts. However, change is necessary to tap into the extent of your greatness. Think of the butterfly’s metamorphosis! download-11.jpg.jpeg

Transformation takes time and is sometimes lonely.  The thing that you must keep in mind is that though the place you are in may seem dark and isolated, as a child of God, you are protected in the process.

God sometimes has to get you shut off to outside influences so that distraction doesn’t have an opportunity to create an underdeveloped blob of what you “could” be…an unfinished product if you will…

Back to that old Butterflyand a bit of etymology behind the word “distract”

from Latin distractus, past participle of distrahere “draw in different directions,” from dis- “away” (see dis-) + trahere “to draw”

If you were to cut open a cocoon before the process has been completed, you’ll end up with that blob I mentioned…what’s more…if you see a butterfly struggling to emerge from the cocoon and help it, that same butterfly will still die because it needed the time of isolation and the struggle to allow it to gain the strength it needs to fly!

Don’t allow the little things to get you off track.  Yes, change is constant and you should definitely get used to it.  However, you must understand that though the process is uncomfortable, it’s definitely required to allow the greatness within you to soar above ground level.

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©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Clearly a Time to Rest

I’ve been locked in a tug of war emotionally, spiritually, and physically for a few weeks now.  However, until this moment I assumed that I wouldn’t need to revisit this place of uncertainty again.

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This restlessness has me tossing and turning while I’m wide awake. I tire of the things that used to keep me occupied…I’m growing in ways that I’ve admired in others and still I sometimes find myself as child…desiring the care of My Father more than ever. I am a Daddy’s girl indefinitely.  And then it happened. I was running full speed ahead and all of a sudden I’m tired….when creative juices are flowing in all directions…I’m told to take a pause…when I’m more confident than ever…I’m required to Be Still.

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So since I would not willingly do that, a headache sent me to bed early last night…the spark released from the barrel and the pop that followed woke me from my daze…ignited a new response to my understanding…My why…chiseled out of what should have been fear, but laced instead with determination to get out of here…to leave this place…to take them with me…to lead them from here…with latent tears I recorded and listened to the words my Father imposed on my heart explaining my reason for dying…my passion and fervor to help ladies all over this planet understand who they are and whose they are…to encourage them to see themselves as God’s best and not what they had been called by those who knew no better…even when that label was placed upon themselves by themselves…images (5)

Labels-sticky and hard to remove, but not an impossible task…an apt solvent need only be applied ..could words be that remedy?  Don’t magnets attract and repel?

So perhaps, I’m to use my words to do the same…to attract the right and repel the wrong…I’ll use my words to clear the paths of the broken…those who believe they are unworthy of God’s best because of their unintentional past…

An Expected End…to prosper us…that was God’s intention…yet our will allowed us to take a left that we surmised was right…still I’ve come full circle…

Little do we know our mess had already been factored into the promise…that our testimony would be irrelevant if we hadn’t been there too…that the deliverance of others is stuck between our past and our future…that even our pit is for purpose.

I’ve allowed rest to win this tug of war…to surrender my will for His…to be filled before I pour so that when I leave here, I won’t be traveling alone. Rather, I’ll be leading others who also know who and whose they are.


©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

I’m Learning to Receive

Just Receive!!! It’s something I’ve struggled with all my life. Whether it’s receiving a compliment, help, admiration, or even an invitation. I drafted the title of this post months if not more than a year ago in fact. I knew then God was teaching me to receive His love, attention, and grace, but I wasn’t ready to do the very thing I felt He was placing on my heart to teach others to do yet.


I’ve always felt the need to do my part. I see now that my part, especially when it comes to being loved by My Father, doesn’t require me to work to get it. I’ve loved to help others as long as I can remember so what comes so natural to me is something that’s been so hard for me to accept in return.

I thought I was being humble…

However, what I had been was synthetically humble at best. Because in many ways I felt the need to “make” people like me or accept me I would either seek overachievement by what I could give or do and reject words of affirmation they’d give in response to who I am. Originally, I’d typed “what I offered” however, even in this moment, the Holy Spirit has affirmed His love for me is based on who I am to Him and not what I do. He loves me because I am His child. Others love me because I’m me. I do great things because He made me this way. False humility is apologizing for who you are!

I refuse to do that anymore😉😄

Don’t get me wrong, it is completely okay to offer assistance when you are available and able to do so, however, before we can truly be the givers God wants us to be, we must first learn to receive.



Embrace Your Greatness!

You have permission to be great!!! You are great! You have gifts and talents no one else has! You’re a rare find!

True Humility is knowing your limitations and having an attitude of gratitude for the help provided. The opposite of that is being overly self-sufficient.  I was addicted to being “self-sufficient before!” I only realized in the last year that being overly self-sufficient is the type of pride God hates. Still, I’m just now becoming more aware of how foolish it is to be that way and to adjust my decisions accordingly. 

God expects His children to be proud of our accomplishments as long as we do so with a humble perspective in our hearts. I know it seems that statement just made the whole former portion of this post moot, but I mean when we accept praise, gifts, and help that we do so with a sense of gratitude. He alone provides the ability we have to be great. He alone provides us the financial assistance when we find ourselves in a bind. He alone provides us the confidence to not look like what we’ve been through and the peace we need to get through every test.

I guess deep down I knew what I did was great too I just had been programmed to believe that being proud of your accomplishments is wrong. I’m sure this mental malady derives from my childhood, however, there comes a time in everyone’s life when you must take a long hard look at yourself and decide whose account are you going to believe? Are you going to believe the negativity life has taught you about you or are you going to believe the truth of God’s word?

I choose God’s truth!

…that I am beautiful… that my worth is above rubies… that I am flawless…. that His love for me is limitless…that it is His pleasure to bless me…that I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

Now, It’s your turn😉


I’m Pissed! My Misery is My Ministry

This is the face of a victim: DEAD


This is the face of another victim, her assailant:fOOL

Amazing how he already had a mug shot or two floating in the system……

The first picture was once a mother of two young girls.Her body was found the other day only minutes from my apartment.  The report says that the children were returned without harm obviously before the worse could be done to her.  How could they assume no harm was done to the children? I mean even if their mother was alive at the time they were let go, they will still have mental and emotional scars.   My son was four years old when he witnessed me being beaten!  Only now have I even considered that it wasn’t just one punch after all…that he did repeatedly punch me.  As if a broken nose weren’t enough, my glasses and the coffee table had to match I suppose.  He’s 18 now and still remembers.

There was definitely harm done. There was definitely a reason for alarm.  Obviously I am angry with this situation, but not just because of the outcome.  I’m angry because I know that there were signs.

There were signs I ignored in the beginning.  I guess I even ignored them up until that last night.  Even now as I recall events,  I tried to seek help to no avail.  On a day that should have been one of my happiest, it was one of my most miserable.  I had just graduated from the University of Memphis with my BA in Communications.  That afternoon I had been warned.  My mother flat out told me in the parking lot after the ceremony, “Mark my words, that “n” word is gonna kick your a$$!” I didn’t want her to be right.  Yet, mere hours later, I found myself running down the hall trying to barricade myself in the bathroom to get away from my mother’s “rightness.”  He didn’t punch me, but he grabbed me by the back of my neck and forced me to the ground.  I was seven months pregnant with his daughter.  I don’t recall his words, but I remember being grateful that my son was a hard sleeper then.

Now, however,  he wakes at the slightest noise.  He’s never awaken without a start.  His other 12 year old daughter witnessed this first fight.  Even she asked me on occasion, “Why are you with my daddy?”

He took me to the hospital that night because I faked contractions.  I thought that if I could just get in the public I could get help.  Still, he was more clever than I assumed. The nurses thought he was just concerned about my and the baby’s welfare, but he only wanted to stay close enough to prevent me from telling the truth.  I wonder if Zeneatrice Crawford had tried to tell her truth before she was brutally murdered by this monster.  I felt like the nurses’ staff failed me that night.  I suppose much like I thought the Memphis Police Dept failed me on 05/08/2003.  I’m more convinced now however, the fallacies that interfered with my safety were no fault of the people involved, but of the system that wasn’t.

This story and so many others like it have pierced my heart to its core and I’m tired of just saying what I will do. I’m going to do what I’m going to do. There are too many ways to provide the right help and I understand now why certain logical ways hadn’t been in place before.  I’m supposed to bring it together. My why is simple: because it’s not okay.

©2016-2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.


What to Do When God Says No

I can no longer blame my need for order on OCD.  I’m learning to be more cautious with my words.  The truth is I just like being in control.  So when I get stressed I clean.  I reorganize.  I change my world.  I change what I can control.

Control is a funny thing though. Especially when you understand that your input can do nothing to change your situation.  That’s where I’ve been for a while.    It can be a crushing reality to those like me who are recovering control freaks. Sometimes we think that everything should run smoothly especially if we plan well in advance. Yet, time and time again over the last year I have seen my plans dashed and now I’m in a place where it really doesn’t matter one way or another anymore.

It’s not that I am giving up on my desires or dreams.  It’s quite the contrary actually. To put it plainly, my life has been on constant fast forward.

I wonder if this is how the Apostle Paul felt when he desired to go one direction and the Holy Spirit provided detours.

In frustration recently, I cried out and doubted momentarily that yielding my gifts to another were in His plan. I almost convinced myself that no one beyond my four walls cared to know what I bellowed in my mind after midnight.  Yet, His plan included the reminder that He would never leave me nor forsake me.

Yes, I agree with His plan that I am destined for greatness, however, I now see how small of an impact I would make on my own…

Never before had I found the ere in my ways so quickly.  I asked once that I be convicted immediately when I’m wrong.  I suppose I never expected to have to comply with that request….Alas…not my will, but His is the reason for my transformation. I’ve been dropped into a new world.  One where the only choices are adapt or die. I should have titled this post what not to do when God says no because of one thing I’m sure regardless of His response to my request…

Dying is not an option.



Another One Bites the Dust


I really thought that I was done writing about this subject, but of course, God has decided otherwise. I saw the article the other day about Christian rocker Trey Pearson coming out to his fans in an emotional letter and tried to ignore it. For those who have been following my blog a while you may recall a few posts I wrote about homosexuality and Christianity. For those who have not, here are the links to those posts:

So I felt the need to revisit the topic again anyway because it seems that we Christians are definitely split on the issue. I admit that at times I have even been split myself. I don’t condone the lifestyle. However, neither do I condemn it. I used to wonder why on earth a woman would choose to be with another woman who looks and acts like a man. I used to wonder why on earth a man would be with another man who looks and acts like a woman. And I really had no intention of ever writing about the transgender public toilet issue, but as I learn to be more obedient to the Holy Spirit I realize I have little choice in at least bringing the issue to light.


I wondered initially why in the world would God place this title on my heart.  It seems so heartless, but I realized that I had heard the song, knew it was an oldie, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics before.  I found an interesting parallel to it and the way we seem to treat people of faith who admit their truth to the world.  Check it out here:

I couldn’t help but consider the way we gun down our own so quickly.  Now granted, initially I was disturbed by the headline about Trey Pearson. Yes, I am a Christian and yes, I said I was initially disturbed. However, I suppose I was most disturbed by it because I’ve known so many people over the years who have battled with the cover up.  It helped me feel more comfortable with the content of the remainder of this post when I saw the snippets of his interview from the View.

And when I say the “cover up” I don’t mean just covering homosexual desires.  I mean any type of secret sins.  You know the church girl who’s really addicted to sex, the deacon who really has a drug problem, the minister who’s committed adultery multiple times, and yes, the Christian struggling with homosexuality among others.

It seems the church is the only place where we kill our wounded.

Well, about the “coming out issue.”  A while ago, I befriended a young lady and we hit it off great. I’ve never been ashamed of discussing Jesus with anyone and let my kids tell it, I “make everything about Jesus!”  I used to shrink back because of them saying things like this, but hey I do and I will continue to do so.  Of course I’m not bashing folk over the head with the bible, but somehow I tell a little of my testimony everywhere I go.  I guess when you have lived through as much as I have gratitude just seeps.

Anyway, this young lady was married and had a 15-month old daughter when we met.  We’ve since lost touch and that’s really the only reason I feel comfortable sharing this.  a9974907b605006c10dca8a9239c9c88

At the time, I immediately noticed the smile on her face didn’t match the sadness in her eyes when she spoke. It was a façade.  However, at the time, I thought her mask was one hiding domestic violence and not that she had been  struggling with homosexuality.  As a matter of fact, in our first interaction, I mentioned this blog and I commented about how God was allowing me to minister in the strangest ways to all sorts of people. She is a Christian too.

For the record, Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with religion. It is a relationship with God through Christ!

Moving on….

I recall now that at some point in that initial interaction I mentioned I had been called to even assist those struggling with homosexuality, but I hadn’t understood how yet…that I really believe that avenue will be handled by my son as noted in one of the posts above.  I guess I was in my talkative zone and didn’t notice her gaze at that moment.d4c77a23ae75d87212a22a76bdb183a8

Fast forward a few months…we only spoke a  few more times when I’d talked with her about my writing, my kids, my desire to visit Nigeria to which she mentioned that her husband is Nigerian.  Well, the last contact I had with her struck me.  Though it had been a while since we spoke.  I guess seminary had me touch and go.  Anyway, I knew that God put her on my heart for a reason so I texted her to see how she was doing. She quickly responded that she had been going through.  I felt the need to send a message something like: “If you just need someone to listen, I’m here.  No judgement.”

Boy was I in for a surprise!  I just knew she was going to say something about her husband hitting her or some junk, but she dropped this bomb instead:  “My husband found some nude photos of a woman in my phone and I was entertaining it.  He knows that I was sexually involved with women before we got together.  He is really hurt.”


I just sat in the parking lot in awe.  However, my response  to her admission was that nothing is too hard for God and then I found myself sharing what I am about to share here with you.  “Well, we have all slipped out of God’s will, and while I have never been in a lesbian situation, I have no idea how many men I have slept with! Yes, it’s been that many! If God’s grace could cover me, He could change anyone.” She responded with relief and gratitude.  I prayed for her and her marriage.  I prayed for God’s mercy and His guidance. However, most importantly before I ended our conversation I made sure that she knew that God loves her and that I did also.


I’m only sharing this now because I lost touch with her after that and I feel that someone out there needs to know this.

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I hope and pray that things are going well for her now, but only God knows the outcome of that scenario. What I do know is the outcome of my scenario and what I have observed so far in this scenario with Trey Pearson.


He is being exactly who he believes God made him to be.  It’s really not for us to understand his mind and heart. As for that acquaintance, she was obviously struggling with a sexual situation or even a soul tie. That in itself is from the enemy just as I had been. I used sex as an outlet because I didn’t even understand how much I was worth.

Now I did notice that Trey mentioned that he had been “attracted” to men since adolescence.  It seems that it would have a sexual aspect to it on the surface, but who knows? God does and yes He will judge accordingly.  Regardless, he will also judge everyone else for the lies, fornication, adultery, idolatry, murder, etc.  No sin is bigger than another, but all too often we surely try to make it that way, don’t we?


I don’t condone homosexuality.  I’ve just grown in my faith enough to know that sometimes the only way to persuade others from the error of their ways is to love them through it.  That’s what Christ did for me and to me.  In fact, I was the main one condemning myself and then He allowed me to put myself in the place of the women caught in the act of adultery…oh yeah, I’ve been there and done that too..TWICE!!!  So I guess if I could end this post with anything that needs to be said it would be what Jesus said to her/me:

John 8:8-11 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Then He stooped down again and started writing on the ground. They listened [to His reply], and they began to go out one by one, starting with the oldest ones, until He was left alone, with the woman [standing there before Him] in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She answered, “No one, Lord!” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]

BAM!!! And  there it is folks.  I figure I should let that whole deliverance from sexual and relational addictions out there before the enemy has the nerve to think that I care about the things I’ve done in my past.  However, I realize that I’m no longer ashamed because I’ve been delivered from the desire to “need” an illicit relationship to feel complete.  That’s what true wholeness it about.  I’ve finally got it and I’m not giving it up for anybody.

confident one I just love this pic of me!!!

All that said, when it comes to people who struggle with sin regardless of whether it is on display or covered, we as Christians are not called to condemn them.  We are to love them so at least then another one doesn’t have to bite the dust.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.


So I guess we’re all a bunch of N**gas…

images (11) Are we to become victims of our own choices?

I can’t believe I actually forgot to check whether Christine McMullen Lindgren got fired the other day, but a friend sent me an update. I suppose I could say I forgot because I had so much going on, but in reality I think I subconsciously blocked it out.  I mean, just last night I was bombarded with more news of discrimination and racism on another front that disturbed me even more.  It was amid the Airbnb issue.  I was up as usual at the wee hours of the morning and at a time when we should be so much further along, it seems we are going backwards.


So I’m sure the title got your attention. Trust, I wasn’t planning on making this post this long, but hey it’s relevant.  In response to my initial post on this someone suggested that I support Trump as president and this issue wouldn’t be an issue.  WOW, Really???


…as if I would even consider such an injustice.  Liberalism has absolutely nothing to do with it! People are going to do what they can because they can so it really doesn’t matter about who is conservative or who is liberal.  It’s a moot point that I have tired of considering.  Yet, evidence of history repeating itself on a much worse level is evident. I thought that once we knew better we were actually supposed to do better.  Maybe it’s because we have indeed learned nothing of our intertwined pasts. The even sadder point is that we are repeating it because we can’t seem to let go of it.

The online dictionaries define the N-word as “black” in most cases…so maybe this was where this former Bank of America employee retrieved her misguided info.  Perhaps it was from her mother or father. Perhaps it was from her friends. Who knows where she learned to live and breathe the racial slurs she so carelessly posted online the other day. Regardless, the base definition of sorts is one who is ignorant.

Racism is a learned behavior…a habit even…and with any learned behavior, it can surely be unlearned.  Sadly, it seems that many of us no longer think it necessary to remain teachable. In a time when education of everything is so readily available to us, we turn our backs…


Why must  we as a minority choose to stand on the side of, “we can’t reconcile where there was never a relationship,” instead of attempting to start a new one in place of what was never there?


The whole situation is jacked up on both sides. It really doesn’t matter which side you are on or the hue of your skin…the only time it seemed that we as a “people” disregarded the color barrier was on and shortly after 9/11.  Only then did we African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, and Asian join hands and sing Kumbaya against a “common” enemy, the “others.” The things we do in the name of love but guised in “hate.”


I remember I had an Egyptian friend who began wearing baseball hats after the towers collapsed.  He told me of all the threats he’d received from the time he’d left his apartment and arrived at work the next day. He said that it was safer for him to pose as Cuban.  He was serious and because of ignorance and hatred, he and I couldn’t be around each other for my own safety.  I really don’t know if he had inside information on what was to happen or what did happen, but he was considered one of the elicit “others” so it really didn’t matter because he was a target. I never saw him differently, however, more than enough people around us did so I stepped aside. I can only imagine the issues that interracial couples face everyday.

Is this so wrong? Manners-Interracial-Couple

Apparently some people think so…

The amount of people killed and injured in the aftermath of 9/11 and these police shootings of late is evidence of the level of ignorance we have willingly adopted as a nation.  Except we don’t know because we choose not to know. We have access, but refuse to learn a different  way.  We have the opportunity to change, but we’d rather go back to what didn’t work before.

I admit, I’m disgusted and saddened with the whole ordeal.racismo2

I mean are there really any groups of people in this country who are purely anything? Should that even matter? Wow it seems we have more respect for gorillas than our own human counterparts?

Even still we as a minority seem to be our own worse enemy!  All lives mattered long before Black lives matter or Blue lives matter became a catchy slogan linked to a tragic awareness…so the majority is not the only or the main source of our contention.  In many ways we are.


As an African American woman, I’m seriously unsettled by the #teamlightskin vs.#teamdarkskin mess! It’s Willie Lynch all over again except I suppose this is for the new generation…apparently the one who chooses not to read and who chooses to think dropping the “er” and adding an “a” is  as acceptable as “dropping the “y” and adding an “ies” makes irregular nouns  plural….but it’s not okay!  We have to get to a place where we not only know our history, but we understand that it is HISTORY!


Black, white, red, yellow,  African American, Caucasian, Native American, Asian, and others… about consider that we are all others. We are all individuals.  We are all human.   I mean are we going to sit idly by and remain ignorant of our options?  While we are all subject to our own set of prejudices, we still have a responsibility to make a conscious choice to NOT allow our history subvert our destiny.

Yes, what Christine McMullen did was repulsive and yes I believe she deserved to get fired, but what now?

Still, it’s obvious we all still have a long way to go. So while she’s gone, racism is not. That said, I’m unsatisfied. I have to wonder will I ever be.

©2016 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Feeling Some Kinda Way about this Racism Thing

At almost 2 am I’m wondering why in the world am I still up and at this computer. Yet, at the very moment I was about to turn in, I saw this on Facebook: racismspeaks

Now I’m sure that there are thousands of messages if not more floating around the web and in the hearts of many, but the thing that caught everyone’s attention I suppose is that her profile is public and she works for Bank of America.  So far, I noticed that about 24K people have mentioned it and sent word back to bank of America.  I admit I went through some of the other posts and I even found myself checking out this woman’s page as well. I noticed in her friend list there were a few African Americans. There was even an interracial couple there as well. In that moment, I thought, “I wonder what they are thinking about this?”stopracism

Then I noted that others were commenting that the conversation seemed to show that many of her friends were in a agreement with her statements including the ones who by the looks of this message she considered, “Niggers.”  I’m wide awake now all over again and I really planned to hit the hay and get some rest.  Now, however, this thing has me staring at this screen wondering why we haven’t gotten beyond this stupidity yet?  I mean it’s been years!  I’m not hung up on reparation or anything like that, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Her words if they were indeed hers (I’m really struggling with trying to believe the best).  Yet, even if she didn’t do it…someone with a heart just as evil as we’ve demonized her as having did it.  thC61642AH

Perhaps someone even worse.  Regardless, I’m tired of all this mess and I really don’t understand why we still are having to deal with this crap. I mean this is a time when technology is booming, we are more educated now than ever before and apparently everybody wants to be free of “discrimination” to the point where we are lumping everyone into a melting pot of confusion.  I don’t like the way the future is unfolding here for my children. My brother mentioned a while back that he hopes and prays that there will be some decent young men available and willing to marry his daughters by the time they come of age. They are 7 and 9 years old now.  My daughter just told me that her 13 year old bestie had an abortion because she got pregnant.  And Donald Trump is a candidate for presidency.  I’m so confused with this stuff I’m finding myself praying for Jesus to return now. It would be a lot simpler than to sit and watch this world deteriorate like it has been.

I’m torn over this issue because part of me wants her fired.  Part of me even wants her to have to be on welfare and suffer.  I know that’s wrong so I guess the part of me that hopes those things is my flesh.  Lord, please forgive me and help me forgive her and any other person regardless of their race who treats me differently because I don’t look like them.


Father, help us heal from wounds that have been passed down from other generations.  Father, open our eyes so that we may see our potential as well as the potential in others to do better than we did the day before. Help us to love like You love and to forgive as You forgive. Father, cleanse our hearts of resentment and strife. Help us not blame others for our misfortune and to trust You to be our vindicator. Forgive me Father, for the feelings I’ve had in these moments.  Yet, it angers me still. So yes, I wish I could wake up tomorrow and find racism, poverty, entitlement, and murder no longer existed, but the more I consider it the more useless the notion seems.  God please help us weather this storm too.  The cycle has to stop. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.


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