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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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November 2015

It’s Bound to Get Better

I looked back on my level of optimism this time a couple years and I get tickled reminiscing on the reality of my “rich year.”  I’ll be transparent. I was in search of love and prosperity!  I had been dealing with so much of the same cycles that I just knew that 2014 had to be my year!  In a lot of ways I was absolutely right.  I did find love and I did run into prosperity.  However, one look at my actual finances and if you could have peered into the recesses of my heart some months ago, you would think one of two things about me:  That either I was clearly delusional or rather illogical.

I’m glad to say that I was a little bit of both.  Faith  by definition is completely illogical and I suppose my only delusion was that I assumed a mustard seed amount wouldn’t do.  I actually allowed what I’d seen on the surface directly impact my health, my mind, and my emotional well-being in the worse way. Well in a minute, 2015 will be heading out and I’m still somewhere in between where I need and want to be, but I’m still grateful for the learning opportunities I’ve had. With that, though the official Thanksgiving holiday is over, I am glad I’m finally able to embrace the grace that every day brings and because God is faithful I know it’s bound to get better.

Why am I still posting about Marriage? Man, I don’t know!

Trust this obedience to the Holy Spirit has me a bit spooked myself, but I’m going with it….

Yes, while I was perusing some of my old posts I came across this same little issue and felt the need to further discuss it….again…

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Okay I mentioned this the other day and the day before that and apparently last year, but anyway…here’s what I’ve come up with so far…

On a road trip last year, I found myself giving another young lady some advice about her relationship…go figure….rather, I told her waiting is her best option when she mentioned,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

It’s not the first time I’d heard her say that and given my own history, I couldn’t dare allow her to make the same mistakes I had because of impatience.  Also, after talking some more with her and another friend, we all realized the one thing we had in common.  We were all sort of angry with our men at the time…well, one girl seemed to be chronically upset with hers, but that’s a subject for another day.  I guess the situation wasn’t as funny as our laughter made it seem at the time, but as we vented we realized our abrupt actions led to a trivial pursuit of having it our way. Of course, the guys on the road trip gave us a hand in that revelation.images

Nonetheless, perhaps our little battle of the sexes proved something fruitful…

Oh did I mention that this was a Single’s Trip meant for good, clean, fellowship and not hook-ups…I just thought I’d throw that in noting the irony of the motives behind some who join Single Ministries…

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I digress as usual…

Anyway, we all (guys and gals) seemed to want the same thing in a committed relationship: to be loved unconditionally, respected, and appreciated; but men and women are different and it takes time for those differences to either compliment or repel one another.  Also it definitely helps if you know what makes you feel loved. Check out 5 love languages for singles…Awesome read!!!

Given that understanding, it’s important to know that marriage doesn’t start with the wedding.  It starts with God.  Unfortunately, however, we live in a microwave culture and because so many don’t take the time to wait on God’s approval, provision, and timing, far too many marriages end shortly after the honeymoon.

So again…what can be done to get us on the right track to having the love that we feel we deserve….well for starters it could help that you are lovable.

I know that seemed a bit mean, but hear me out.

Are you treating people like you really want to be treated or are you going through life faking the funk occasionally and biting people’s heads off the rest of the time.

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The bible says, to have friends you must show yourself friendly…wouldn’t it stand to support that to have love you need to ensure that you’re lovable..

Now, I have had a past that I can’t really repeat right now…well because of copyright stuff but we’ve all got one…good, bad, ugly…some we wish we could completely eliminate from the planet…and then again some of you really would just prefer that  some of the guys and gals of your pasts would just disappear from the planet instead…

Whatever the case…the only way to get beyond the pain of yesterday is to face it and bury it…not burying it in a shallow grave…completely obliterating it the way we wish we could do that person who broke our hearts…that kind of annihilation…otherwise, those good guys and girls who are willing to stick it out with become a casualty of the war in your heart…some end up wounded and others end up dead…

Yes, you’ve successfully but not so much created another heartbroken zombie like yourself because you refuse to seek or accept the healing and help you need to be whole so you won’t be a ticking time bomb to others.

I know this post is all over the place, but I feel the need to spread the word about the importance of being whole yourself before you even think of tagging along with another person in your journey.

I don’t know why, but God does and that’s enough for today.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Rush the Process

 

Last year a friend made this comment about her relationship at the time,

“I mean I want to be married like yesterday!”  

Apparently her biological clock was ticking louder than she cared to hear…images (1)

I mean really?  We’ve all seen some aspect of a “Bridezilla” whether on the reality show or in reality period so I’m just curious…

Question:  Are you on a mission to be married too?

I’ve had to even sit down and have a pow wow with myself on this one.

 

Marriage is a big step…one I’ve been there, done it wrong twice….Do I even want to go there again?

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Having worked at a marriage ministry for a couple years, I picked up a few pointers. Considering all the wedding announcements posted on social media and just as many if not more divorce filings plastered in the papers on a daily basis, I think it’s fair that I post a little info on the matter as well…

A bit of background…

I can’t tell you the number of calls I received from wives calling to purchase a certain book about “manhood” as gift for their husbands.  Some even called under the guise that their husbands asked them to order it for them.  Yeah Right! Now some might have been legit, but it was something about the desperation in these women’s voices that clued me in otherwise.

Wow…and yes, I admit there were times when I told them point blank,

“You might not want to do that.”

These wives really wanted to figure out how they could “make” their husbands be the men they knew they could be.  While I felt their plight, I also understood one thing then that I’m actually finding issues with grasping today.

“You can’t really change a man.”

Moreover, you really should try to do it either.

Yep, and for the guys….

“You really can’t change a woman either.”

Yeah, I had just as many men were calling requesting certain materials for their to get  some “act right” as as it were!

DISCLAIMER: Gentlemen, if you are dealing with a fiercely domineering woman, the last thing you want to do is to give her that book as a “token of your appreciation.”

It won’t be appreciated.  In fact, it will likely be the start of a serious verbal assault. Sad but true. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

 


For those single and seeking

Pray that God make you ready to receive the love you need.

I know that seems simple, but I’ve had to learn I hadn’t been ready to receive the righteous love God wanted me to have in a marital relationship in the past because I had been unwilling to truly accept God’s love for me first.  I also want to point out that I said the love you need and not what you want….there is a difference…

Single Ladies and Gents,

The love you need is not going to be from someone to placate you by acquiescing to your every whim.  Rather, the love you need will bring out the best in you by any means necessary.  Yes that includes letting you know occasionally that your stuff stinks too…

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With Love of course….

Regardless, examine your motives for marriage….it’s ministry!!!

Yep both good marriages and a bad marriages have the potential to spread a message.  I know it seems counterproductive to say that, but what I mean is people are always watching.  If you have children,  you have a captive audience so that’s something to think about isn’t it?

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That said, if you’re not married yet, take a good hard look at your relationship and consider whether you put that “thang” together yourself  or if it was the Lord’s doing!

Yes, I meant to say “thang” and yes I can get country…Memphis is rubbing off on me again…next thing you know I’ll be using words like “junt.”

…moving on

Though I’m technically single, I’ve learned to be wholly connected to something greater in this process. So no matter how loud my clock ticks, I’m no longer willing to rush who God’s approved as my covenant partner for anyone…not even for myself.

©2015-2017 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

Calm Down and Wait…Father Still Knows Best

I’ve been going through a bunch of older posts and I’m sure this one here is so much more for me than many of you…but just in case…I’m re-posting with a few revisions…

I remember not long ago waking up to an inevitable mess…well scratch that…it was definitely avoidable. I just didn’t act quickly enough and there goes the rest.  One of my dogs got sick and though I heard her yelping to go out,  I kind of allowed my sleepiness aka laziness have its way instead….and the moment I realized what was going on, it was too late…YAK!

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I know that’s not the most aesthetically pleasing picture, but imagine how I felt about the smell!

EEEW!!!  Out steps the dog and in steps ODOBAN….

Anyway, while Angel was whining,  I didn’t just lay silent in bed.  I’m a light sleeper so I actually responded, “Calm down, just wait!”  Yes, I treated her as if she were a human and as if she had the ability to do what I’d requested on cue…dog people should get that..

But for those of you who either have been misled into thinking that cats are an acceptable companion and not the irritating piece of furry vermin with claws they really are or that you’re perfectly okay with no four-legged critters around, I’ll explain further.

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Needless to say, my request was fruitless…she’s a dog and while she obeys many commands and there are days when I just know she “gets me” more than any other human on the planet, she can’t be expected to follow my instruction in mid-yak!  I mean it’s involuntary and like us, when we get sick of something and have to purge, it’s a not so nice feeling that we aren’t exactly able to stomach either…pun intended….

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Now that I’ve grossed you out so far…I guess I should find a point here..

Well, unlike my dog, when our Master tells us to calm down and wait, it’s in our best interest because not doing so is the only time there’s a mess to clean up. The kicker is that we do have a choice when we’re told to wait.  images (1)

Why?  Because God loves us so much He allows us to have free will. I mean the Guy spoke and there was night and day so of course He could’ve created of us to obey on demand, but that’s not how God rolls.

The problem is we rarely listen to His advice the first, second, or even third time.  I guilty here!

Yep, sometimes I have to learn my lesson over and over again.

There’s a definite benefit to not worrying, looking at a situation objectively, and listening to what God says before responding irrationally.

I’m learning day by day that while it seems things are taking forever to manifest, God will not leave me hanging for longer than I can bear. And since He knows best, I believe I’ll calm down and wait a while longer.

©2014-2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Flip Your Switch and Let Your Light Shine

 

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For almost three months last year I remained in the dark.  No, I wasn’t clueless about some obvious situation.  Well,  maybe a little, but I mean I was literally in the dark! Long story short, a storm caused a power outage and though everyone in my neighborhood was restored,  three of my rooms remained without power.  They happened to be our bedrooms.  According to Entergy, I had full power at the main source, but I needed an expert…aka an electrician.

If God was trying to tell me something with that scenario, I didn’t want to get it so l remained at surface level.  I knew an electrician costs money–money I did not have so I did what any struggling single mom would do-I improvised!!!

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Yes, I employed extension cords and lamps to light our rooms and yes, there were a few days that I got dressed in the dark.  I felt powerless and defeated because it seemed it was just one thing after another.

A day before the power outage my dryer died so I was forced to do a few things I really didn’t want to do already…go to a laundry mat.  Funny how easily you take things for granted when you always have it available.

In the same way, I had taken God’s presence for granted.  Sure, I wrote about Him and I knew He cared for me, but deep down I must not have believed He loved me unconditionally.  I hadn’t realized how to love myself that way yet.  I considered the financial and emotional drama my punishment.

I felt I hadn’t been a good enough parent so the disrespect was my lot. I felt like I really didn’t deserve romantic love so I refused to receive it.  I felt like I wasn’t a good enough writer so instead of posting daily I claimed writer’s block because I couldn’t stop editing my life.

I nearly turned my  own light out.images (2)

In years passed, I thought about suicide on more than one occasion.  During that time last year, this was not an exception.  Sleeping pills seemed a plausible way to go at one point…that is until I realized that even that method could be painful.

You see I’ve never liked pain…for that reason…I hate needles  and tight-fitting clothes…yet, to inspect my life with a magnifying glass, one would think my tolerance for pain is greater than most.  Especially since most of the pain beneath the surface was self-inflicted….

 

I thank God for meeting me at my well.  download

At a time when I was sure I could do what I needed to do without the prying eyes of others, I too got thirsty but sought the wrong refreshment.  Like that Samaritan woman, Jesus, thought enough of me to change His course to redirect my path.  At what seemed like my lowest point, my encounter with Him forced me to examine the choices I’d made and pour out the source of my pain….I could do nothing but lay my “issues” at His feet.

I admit now that the process began then, but only within this last year…the last few months …even weeks have I really been able to see and embrace the fruit of the labor of Christ’s love for me.

I smile all the time because I feel like it. wpid-c360_2015-11-01-18-03-41-842.jpg

I’m glad to say that I no longer have to look back and sulk.  I no longer have to blame myself for something already forgiven.  I am okay with sometimes not being okay.

Understanding that even in my trials God had never left my side is what keeps me going now. My lights ended up being repaired for free both physically and spiritually then, but not before I got too tired of being in the dark.

The funny thing about my three dark rooms is that the entire time, the only issue I had was that I hadn’t flipped the right switch to access the power that had been readily available to me on my breaker. Instead I assumed it was fine because it looked that way.

I guess on the outside for a time, I appeared that way as well….so much that I believed that I was full when I was near empty.

Emotionally and mentally my switch was flipped when I truly embraced forgiveness of myself and offered it unconditionally to all those who had hurt me in the past.  That first step began with me forgiving my mother.

God has done so much in me and through me this year that I wake daily astounded by His presence…I’ve found myself more often re-reading the posts He’s inspired me to write to you over again to better appreciate my journey.

Well, so far that journey has been one paved with broken pieces indeed…yet, in all those days of crying and possibly feeling worse physically and mentally than I could have imagined before, I’m glad to know that my light didn’t go out, I just needed to flip the switch and shine.

©Nadia Davis 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

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