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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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August 2015

Let the Man Lead for God’s sake!

Hmmm…more about this submission thing…

In case I struck a nerve with some of you yesterday, I’ve decided to elaborate. Still though…

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Anyway, while it seems that women have been backed into a corner when it comes to the submission debate, men aren’t too far from the trenches either.  Submission should be a two-way street.  In fact, true Godly submission is not about “giving ‘tude,  giving up your say, or giving orders.”  At its core it is yielding for the benefit of both parties involved.

FYI: It has nothing to do with getting the last word either.

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Now a while back I was asked:  Would you follow your husband to a smaller church?  

I freaked out at first because I’d been at my church for almost 12 years and to just leave was a terrifying thought.

Oh my doesn’t God have a sense of humor?  I say that now because while the question was posed about a year ago, I just moved back to Memphis.

Moving on…

However, after I digested the question, I posed one of my own.  

Why should I have a problem with it?

Essentially, if I have “chosen” to marry a man with God’s permission,  I should trust my husband’s judgement to do what’s best for our family.  Basically, I would follow him anywhere.

Now, that said, I think it is only fair to point out instances when women are NOT obligated to submit, yield, or follow a man:

A) he is not your husband

B) he is not submitted himself first to God

C) he is husband, but yelding to his request or authority explicitedly contradicts God’s Holy Word

Now I’m sure some heads are rolling now because of that last one…maybe it seems a bit subjective.  Well, that’s because it is.

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I am proof that you seriously set yourself up for failure when you  are unequally yoked!!!

I might lose some ladies on this, but at least hear me out…

If a man is himself submitted to God’s will, the Holy spirit will lead him in a manner to cover you and your family as a Godly man should.  He will not be given to wrath and he will respect you as his rib the way God intended.  Now that doesn’t mean that you will agree with everything he says  or does.  But there is always an amicable way to agree to disagree. (That will be a later post)

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Also, just because a man is not your husband is no license to disrespect him either.

In fact, ladies, try make it a point to be so respectful to all men that your expectation in return is the same.   It’s been my experience that the respect is usually returned.  Now there are always exceptions where men will be disrespectful, but that’s no reason for you to stoop to that level also.  Think of your respectful reaction to his foolishness a lesson he has yet to learn. 

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I mean I’m not married, but when I’m out and and a gentleman is walking behind me, I make it a point to wait by the door.  I can’t tell you how many times men will run to get the door for me so that I not wait long.  No, I’m not incapable of opening the door on my own, but I consider this an opportunity to allow a man be a man as I maintain my stance as a young lady.

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I haven’t always done that and honestly I feel like I’ve missed out on the chivalry so many people say is fleeting among men nowadays because of it.

It’s not that chivalry is dead, but that we have forgotten the advantage of embracing  the complicated art of mutual submission in relationships.  

The take home today is this ladies and gentlemen…

  1. Whether she’s recognizes or not, fellas, respect yourself and your maker enough to be a man worthy of your role as a leader. One day, the right one will take notice.
  2. And ladies, treat every man with respect…even if you have to pretend because of past pain…assume that he’s a good man and treat him like one deserves….and if he is a good man, please let the man lead for God’s sake!

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Lord, Help me with me!!!!

Yesterday I witnessed male castration in a Kroger parking lot!

So today, I feel the need to discuss a woman’s need for submission!

Particularly, I’m speaking about marriage here, but if you’re not married there is still a level of submission necessary for things to flow in  your best interest.

I’m fully aware that the word submission alone sparks fear, anger, and even possibly disgust in the hearts of some women.  However, I’ve been on the wrong side of this coin before–You know, the neck jerking, “No man is going to ever tell me what to do!” and the Quiet as a church mouse, “Yes, dear…you’re so right dear” smug approach ….

Neither of which is true Godly submission.

For one thing, it’s plain disrespectful.  Ouch…I stepped on my own toes here ladies…however, when I mentioned the castration stuff…of course I don’t mean literally, but the look on the gentleman’s face could have equated to the same pain I imagine.

Basically, I witnessed a woman and her man have a bit of a disagreement.  Well, I guess I really can’t say a disagreement because usually that would mean that at least two people were involved right?

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I’m not being a butt…it’s just that the guy didn’t really say two words to the countless condescending remarks his lady spat in a matter of minutes.

I really felt sorry for the guy!!!

Now, I wasn’t going to even go here originally because I know just how touchy a subject submission is in and out of the church, but considering that I’ve written about homosexuality and the church I think I’ll live…

I don’t know if they were married.  Regardless, the scenario opened my eyes and gave me another reason to close my mouth.

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Basically,  he was attempting to open her car door and I suppose the way he positioned their basket made it slide in front of the door before he had a chance to stop it, and she just went left!  To me it was an obvious mistake, but it didn’t seem to matter to her.  She went on talking to him like he was a toddler.

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It was not like he’d done it on purpose nor did it appear that he was not going to try to stop it, but upon noticing my stance one car over, the look of “what’s the use” took over his entire countenance.

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And she didn’t stop there…she was so whiny and loud…all I could think was,

“Lord help me with me!”  

“Do I ever sound like that?”

I knew that on more than one occasion I had done that or something similar in years passed…months passed…okay maybe even in weeks passed…OTH_Header

…shssh….I had no idea the impact I’d made on those on the receiving end of my wrath….woe…but God’s shown me slowly a better approach…..I’m sure I’m not the only one thankful for that  lesson now…

Proverbs 3:6 (NIV)

in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Listen, ladies…I’m not bashing the young lady.  I just observed what I did and it disturbed me.  It allowed me to see an ugliness that I needed to completely rid myself of if I ever expected to receive and appreciate the love God has for me in my future husband…Yep, I’m optimistic!

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Anyway, I’ll leave you with a note of truth mentioned Sunday by  a certain young pastor“You are not his mama and you are not his boss!”

 

Oh yeah, ladies…one more thing…we ladies can all tend to talk too much…the fact is that you can talk a good man in or out of your life…

I know that there are some independent sisters out there who could care less….I get it…I used to be one of you…that’s fine…you do you and I’ll do me…Image result for too independent to be in a relationship

Yet, the independent attitude gets old…God made us relational so contrary to the “invisible mantra” you may have adopted that says you need no one, we all need somebody other than ourselves to live fulfilled lives.

That said,  ladies, I think we could do ourselves a favor by keeping tabs on our tongue…at least in public!

© Nadia Davis 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

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