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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

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July 2015

Existence is Overrated

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I have mentioned I don’t believe in coincidences before.  And while I planned to write a post on Exit Strategies: the proper way to exit a situation, place, or position, but every time I attempted to type “Exit” or any derivative, I typed “Existing or Exist.” So given the state of my affairs, I’m sure that the Lord has just confirmed that I have been doing just that…EXISTING…not really LIVING as He designed.

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I’ve been bombarded with so many messages from license plates to bill boards to sermons and even commercials that I almost can’t compose myself long enough to get this on paper, but I’m determined to help somebody else see what I now see.

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This was just further confirmation because earlier this week, my friend’s husband remarked about how we were existing and how others are living.  His remark was not from a covetous position because that is definitely not his heart at all.  It was more from a place that longs to see and experience the “greater than these” position Jesus spoke about before His Ascent.
So today, I challenge you to STOP MERELY EXISTING… LIVE…LIVE IN THE MOMENT…FOLLOW REAL LOVE…Notice I did not say follow your heart….that’s because the heart is deceitful above all else…Yep, our hearts can deceive us….I know because just recently I allowed my heart to deceive me…to make me think that a humble life equals a financial struggle. Now outwardly, I did not think l thought this (I really didn’t mean to have a tongue twister…moving on…

I mean I rejoice when I see God’s children prosper and I’ve said for at least 7 years that I known that I will be very wealthy one day so I had to wonder where the disconnect occurred.  How was I not living? How was I just another mass taking up space on the planet?

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I mean, a few years ago, I was a dare-devil for lack of a better word…always ambitious…rarely afraid to step out and find out, but something shifted in the wrong direction and I’m tired of it!!!!  I’m not ranting…more of an AHA moment…funny how certain storms bring out the best in you…Regardless the Lord placed it on my heart yesterday afternoon to do something so radical that I found myself choking….I mean really choking…coughing…not faking…not laughing…it didn’t click until my friend said what I think I already new: “Quit Choking on Change.”

Then further confirmation was just delivered by way of my Pastor…a message I decided to revisit from years past…The sermon was about opening the eyes of my heart…I had forgotten about keeping my heart open…not just to people, but to God’s will….No matter what, partial obedience is still disobedience and while I won’t share the exact details of the radical steps God’s shown me to take, I do want to encourage you if you find that you are just existing in a life not meant for you…please get off your butt and do what you really want to do so you can finally live like God intends!!!  He would not have placed the desire in your heart to do more if you were not meant for it so shut up, listen, and go!

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©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

In the mean time

Disclaimer:  This is some random thought…very unedited…just came to me in about ten minutes…but words have always soothed my spirit so I’m not sure if this is an essay, spoken word, but it just is…

I’ve been considered gullible for a long time. I’m sort of ashamed to admit that now. I mean as a child, it seemed when it came to trusting people, I had all book sense and no common sense. At least that’s what my mother used to say. As I’ve grown, I realized that this supposed gullibility is my attempt at “righting” so much wrong in my world. When I think back, I can’t help but remember always being in the middle…always wanting to keep the peace…always caught between two evils that I for some reason wanted to be a part of…whether it was an argument between my mother and her sister or my mother and my great aunt or my mother and myself…I was caught…so I learned to develop a great escape…I learned to be a peace-maker…I thought that was the thing Jesus would want me to do and the thing that should be done. I lived in a perpetual “meantime” not my own…just caught wondering the maze of everyone else’s opinions and desires…not truly being happy with my own decisions or even knowing whether the decisions I made were indeed my own. I was confused and blind by a desire to be “liked” shrouded by the need to really feel love…to know love…to receive love…that love was promised but never received…talked about, but never retrieved…that love that was unconditional…not woven by whether I was wrong or right…that love not tempted by fight or flight…I wanted to be loved because it seemed I had so much to give…to be loved so much that I was willing to give…my life…my opinion…myself for any inkling in return of what resembled…what words even penciled…would be…could be…should be love…yet, as years have passed and bitterness set it’s root, one so faithful took it not moot that love could be…would be…should be unconditional…not some whimsical fairytale with picturesque memories drawn from a heart that had no chambers…no one could blame this heart had a reason to be broken…words that were unspoken and dreams were revoked and this heart had cause…unwilling to pause for a second, a moment, a chance to think that love would give glance…hadn’t love been a mere figment anyway? Hadn’t love been ripped away over and over…dragging the pieces against her will and there gasping life’s last breath love spilled…over and over and over until in the meantime she found You.

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©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Broken for Use

The abuse I endured just over 12 years ago left me with more than a broken nose and bruised ego.  I had a broken spirit.

That same broken spirit morphed into a mindset of resentment and callousness that I only recently disowned.

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Not long ago, I shared my pain with a stranger.  When I worked in customer service, a young lady called to talk about how messed up her marriage was and explained the details of abuse and self-loathing she’d experienced before I could barely say ” I am not a counselor.”

However, when she asked me, “I mean what would you do in my shoes?” I found myself saying, “I wore your shoes…I walked in them for years.”  I was supposed to have been gone for the day but she was my last call.  It was my wake up…

Before that call I’d still had unforgiveness in my heart.  But revealing myself helped me more than it did she because that’s when the shell began to break.  I surrendered.

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When she mentioned how she’d been cursed out and cheated on and constantly berated by her husband…how her mother seemed to make her feel worse for marrying him instead of helping her…again I allowed the Holy spirit to breathe on my wounds to heal them…they were no longer festering and oozing beneath the masks I’d perfected over the years.  For 23 minutes, I explained to that lady how God delivered me from being unequally yoked…I found myself explaining how I’m not an advocate of divorce and how God hates divorce…how divorce is an easy out and that’s why God admonishes us to carefully consider the cost of marriage before we enter into it…how even in an emotionally abusive marriage God gave me joy and how my children and I were thriving…how my husband left after I’d finally surrendered for God’s will to be done…thCAL4RJTH

I recalled the prayer as if it had just been uttered, “Lord, just make him leave!  I can’t raise my children to believe it’s okay to be treated like this…that it’s okay for my daughter to believe it’s okay to be called a “B” and have my son believe it’s okay for him to do it to another woman”  That night tears soaked my daughter’s bed as I’d knelt to pray there for some reason…I wonder even now if she understood what I was going through…she was five…ready for bed…was supposed to have been praying with me but felt the need to stand beside me instead.

I shared with that anonymous lady that after my prayer, the next Tuesday my now ex-husband left.  I explained to her further that she must consult God first…I explained that even after he left…I remained married to him for three years because I condemned myself for “failing God again” given it was my second divorce.

Her response was one of gratitude but still more self-hatred.  I was shattered not because I felt like she wasn’t listening, but because she wasn’t hearing…she was blocking out what God was trying to tell her just as I’d been blocking out what He’d been trying to teach me through my trials with these people I mentioned.  However, her next words made it clear to me why.

She said, “Well, what would you do differently if you were given the chance again?”

“Nothing!!!”  I said to her almost before she finished the question.

I then began to recount why I wouldn’t change a thing…

I would not know God like I know Him…that I am worthy of His best…I would not have prayed and been able to minister to you today…I explained to her that the beauty of God’s love is that while He is fully capable of “making everyone” follow Him, He allows us the choice to do so.  Had everything gone perfectly in my life by the world’s standards, I wouldn’t know I need a savior in Christ…

I know this is post is a bit all over the place, but I figure God wouldn’t give it to me if at least one person out there didn’t need the reminder that the only true remedy for wholeness is in Christ.  Without Him, I’d still be just a bunch of broken pieces.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Question…Answer…More Questions? Really?

“See there… the way you ask another question after I’ve already given you my answer.” 

That was the best response I could come up with in conversation with my son the other day.

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I refused to debate further because my decision was made.  So yes, I gave him the silent treatment.

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As immature as some say the “silent treatment” is, I have a slightly different take on it now.

Granted, ignoring someone out of spite is not healthy, however, neither is arguing a point in which a decision has already been rendered.

For years, “because I said so” was a sufficient response to my children, but until a few days ago, I’d allowed them to” wear me down with words.”

Before, I’d gotten tired of it and tried to slightly different approach to the battles, “Because God said so!”  Boy did that open a can of worms!  It turns out that if you’re going to use that, it would help if you are actually adhering to those same principles yourself first.

I mean, imagine bringing up the importance of honoring your parents to get this response:

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How dare my son “get me” with scripture when clearly I was trying to “get him” first?

Can I be real people?  thCKC558Z0

This was me that day…

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I was wrong that day…and I hated it….I mean who wants to be proven wrong by a kid? Especially your kid?

But oh how I love that God is my Strength.   I’ve had much more resilience with my son’s war of words lately.

Regardless, we’re both stubborn.

I mean the apple fell from somewhere, right?

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With that in mind, I think my son would be a great attorney.  Yet, even attorneys have to comply with the judge’s ruling!

So in our most recent debate, I chose to ignore my son’s whining…oops…I mean request.

And get this…not an ounce of guilt…

Why? 

Because God had to humble me with His silence.

Yep, I’ve asked more questions when God answered me the first time too…a lot more…especially this year…

Typical conversation…

“Are you sure God, you want me to do that?”

“Didn’t I tell you, if you have faith you will see the glory of the Lord?”

“I need a sign.”

“How much longer will I have to be with you before you believe?”

“Okay I need one more…don’t be mad, but just one more confirmation!”

And then there was nothing…no word…except one’s leading back to completing the vows I stated…I mean everywhere all over the bible…who knew the bible was so full of places to remind you of the things you say you are going to do for the Lord, but then get fearful and try to take it back….I digress…

I know now God just wants me to trust Him with my future. 

A bit of a challenge for a control freak, wouldn’t you think?  Challenging yes, but definitely doable. I’m already reaping the benefits.  It’s made me eager to sit still and wait for the next thing He has to say.

…a discipline, I hope and pray will also be evident in my own children in time.  Yet, until then, I’m learning to endure the questions, seek God for the answers, and chose to be silent when necessary.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

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