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Better Not Bitter

Responding God's Way to Life's Challenges

Month

January 2015

Resurrect the Relationships that Matter

I felt the need to reblog my own post today.

Better Not Bitter

My son said it best a few months ago I suppose.

He said,

Mama, you put yourself in a box, and you won’t even let us in.

As painful as the reality of his comment was then, the fact that I’ve lived this way for most of my life is what stung the most.  It’s not something I’m proud of, especially after all I faced this weekend.  So I guess this post is my attempt at prying the lid off that box.

It had been over three years since I’d had the courage to dot the doors of Grace Rehabilitation Center in Cordova. Yes, a trip to the facility would take a little over 2 hours, but that and all the other the excuses I’d led myself to believe were moot once I entered her room. I’d heard the moaning before I turned the corner. And with each exasperated utterance…

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Just after Midnight

I must say that in a mere 36 years, I have been here long enough to live out many of the “all things” of this verse.  I hadn’t always wanted to accept that the “all things” my Lord inspired Paul to write included those bad things though.

Like many baby Christians, initially, I accepted Christ and looked forward to the blessings.  I had no idea of the afflictions that came with the deal at the time.  God allowed me a great trial run.

Yet, life happens…death happens…wanting to die happens…realizing the need to live happens…thankfully in that order for me….Yet, I’ve been all these places many times over simultaneously lately.  I was there yesterday…actually last night…late…

I hadn’t even realized I’d been sitting in the bathroom so long…I’d been attempting to gather my thoughts over the news of my mother’s passing…I wasn’t sad per se…I was relieved, but still heavy within.

I’d planned last week that today’s post would be about Directing Your Current situation…I’d been researching a few days for accuracy…I thought I had a little more time to do what I needed to do before the news came.

I wrestled with the thought of whether I would still go to work today…this week…next week…whether I would share the news with anybody there…whether I would post what I had yesterday for hours…I was late to church deliberating…

And so I sat in the tub attempting to remember the words I’d rehearsed months ago…the song I’d planned to sing for her home-going celebration because I thought I’d be strong enough not to cry as I’d tried to manage each word without trembling…to have courage to sing the way I had as a child without fear…I’d hoped to gain that same vigor I had at four years old when I begged my mother to allow me to join the Angelic choir not only because she sort of made my brother do it, but because I really wanted to sing…like she had to me…with me so long ago.

Though the words of the song reminded me that the peace of God surpasses all understanding…the only wonder I’d had as my fingers shriveled in the inevitably cooling water was why did “peace” feel  like this…so incomplete?

God shared with me long ago the need to make amends with my mother.  He declared in my heart that the reasons for my own despair and internal imprisonment were because of unanswered questions and unrequited love…rather I should say now…the allusion of such because I know now how much my mother really did love me.  I, like so many others, bought the lie contrary to that fact.

Even now, I realize that God answered my prayers when He took her home.  I no longer had any excuses for delaying the book He’d placed on my heart so many years ago…The one that had a middle and boasted of a bright future, yet that omitted a beginning…

I now understand the warnings about focusing were of God and not naysayers…that I’d had so much pride in myself that I failed to remember God’s order…I had to finish what had already been started before I could think of beginning again…I had to close the chapters of my life that had been open to all the wrongs I’d gone through and rejoice in the good they would accomplish.

I now have my beginning because of my mother’s glorious end.  So with that I can rejoice in the timing of God…how this exact time last year I was praising Him for finding who I deemed to be the love of my life, my Joseph, yet this year on the same day of that first reunion, my mother was reunited with our Heavenly Father.

I hadn’t really contacted him regularly since the demise of whatever it was that had begun, but as I dried tears and ended the call with my brother, I sent the message anyway.

Bittersweet as it may seem…I remember last year being nervous at any attempt at love or even strong like because I knew things were not right between my mother and I…even when I received warnings that he may be the one, but now is NOT the time, I stepped ahead of God’s plan for a moment, bore the consequences of guilt, doubt, and rejection…Yet, even in that I’ve learned a lot…about myself…my priorities…my purpose…

I prayed for that to be corrected first…for me to be whole…for me to be truly ready to receive and give love the way God intends…

God granted this request with me first being able to finally and fully receive the love He’d been trying to give me for years and for allowing me the compassion to forgive myself and my mother.  In those steps, He taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.  Yet, I still long for more opportunities…

So still my prayer remains the same, but the difference between now and a year ago is that I’m no longer willing to sacrifice my obedience to God for my way of doing things.   There are simply things that I must finish before I can even think of testing romantic waters again. My children are my first priority now…

I understand that while it seems my life has been one big hurdle after another that the words I share will help others to at least think a little longer before they make the same mistakes I have.

I’m so grateful now that God decided the dates and times that He allowed certain trials to come into my life now.  He knew when He designed my mind that I would take notice of that, but that topic is for another day.

Still, the fact that He so lovingly decided to grant my mother eternal peace at one minute after midnight is definitely a good in the midst of my stack of “all things,” because I’ve known all my life that the darkest moment always fades just after midnight.  And indeed it has.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

 

To Honor Her…

I’ll edit this later…just flowing from the heart…

I used to say “I didn’t have a good example when I grew up.”  It was my excuse.  I suppose I felt less guilty for my own short comings as a parent by blaming my mother for the woes I’d experienced.  Yet, now I realize how untrue that statement was.

There were good days with my mother. That truth has allowed me to now cherish those good times I shared with her more.

No, my mother didn’t teach me to cook or sew.  Experimenting with Betty Crocker recipes and Girl Scouts did that.  Yet she allowed me to play in her hair and play dress up in her clothes when I was little just because she could.

While I’m aware of the times I’ve missed the imaginary mark of motherhood, I simply refuse to demonize myself or my mother for what either of us lack because I know God makes no mistakes.  While we cannot choose our family members, He chose them long before we were ever conceived.  Now I can say that I am so grateful for the gift He gave me in my mother and as I type these words I understand why saying goodbye isn’t as hard as I might have thought it would be.

I received a call after midnight from my brother.  I was asleep so I wasn’t aware of it until about 6 am.  He’d left a message, but somehow before I listened to it, I already knew what he struggled to say those few seconds the machine allowed.

Mama passed away not a half hour before he picked up the phone to reach me. 

I hadn’t cried in two months over the thoughts of a lost childhood…over resentment of what might have been…I surmised even after hearing the news recorded that I still would not do so.  Yet, when I called my brother back and discussed what was evident and what needed to take place in the coming week, I found my words losing fluency. Choppy and forced, I allowed them to flow…not out of necessity or regret, but joy in her transition.

Last I saw her, she was in pain…yet still able to smile when she recognized her likeness standing over her. As a child, I’d always been called her shadow for two reasons: I was always two steps behind her and the main differences between us visually was time and complexion…I prayed then that her pain would cease…knowing that mine had already. I am indeed grateful for the time I’ve had both as a child before things seemed to have gone awry.

Before that time, I’d told a friend that I’m choosing to remember the good a while ago, but in reality at the time, I couldn’t stop myself from only remembering the bad.  I was in a rut and I allowed that to dictate my life for a while…for too long…so long that my own role as a parent had begun to wane.

Her goods-

Having never earned a driver’s license, she never allowed that deficiency stop her from taking us with her every Saturday somewhere…to the movies…to the fair…to the mall…downtown…to the Orpheum–Mama, I want to sing-at 6 years old-my love for music was was ignited– to see plays because she wanted to make sure my brother and I were “cultured.”

I used to think the reason she had us taking lessons for violin and cello,  Spanish, computer, and even tap after school was so she could get a break, but I understand now that she wanted only to ensure that he and I couldn’t be denied one later.

I have a new appreciation for Ode to Joy!!!

I still remember the red booths at Woolworth’s we’d claim and the flavor of the buttery kernels that seemed popped just for us.  They would melt in your mouth.  Back then a dollar could stretch much farther.

Although she had her bachelor’s in education, she opted to teach us more at home instead of others’ children in school.  She chose to work only part-time for many years and was always there when my brother and I arrived from school.  Single motherhood was worn well on her in those early years…those years I had taken for granted as I grew because for some reason she and I became distant.

Anger took over where love never meant to leave off…I couldn’t understand why it seemed she loved the “little me” so much, but hated what I was growing to become.

I realize now that what I deemed as hatred was just not so.  Rather, her fear of not being enough fed her fury.  Her fear that someone would hurt me as she’d been hurt consumed her. I didn’t know it initially that she’d been taken against her will.  A fit of rage spilled those details and gave me a clue.  Still, at that age, I couldn’t understand.  I didn’t try. I had never known anyone to have been raped before so there was no way that I could relate. Instead, I filed it along with the other displaced memories I’d vacated years ago.  A chance encounter with a photo album would reveal more of her puzzle without anyone overhead saying a word.   Back then, “issues” weren’t discussed so they were held in with massive consequences.

The result- an inevitable implosion or explosion…there were many casualties…but I’ve considered even those the result of involuntary manslaughter now.  Eighteen years of solitary confinement was long enough to suffer, to re-group, to rehabilitate a soul.  She too had been bent, infirmed, desperate for relief.

I believe 2 months ago I received that relief…Yesterday, she finally received hers. So while I dab at tears I’d once denied permission to flow, I revel at the cleansing power they possess.  My joy had indeed been renewed.

My Heavenly Father knew the day would come when I would finally realize the gift He provided me. She did the best she could…

She nurtured the love of words in me long ago.  I remember I denied the desire to write because even at 7 years old, my strong will fought for independence.  I wanted to do my own thing.  Yet, the more I tried to distance myself from what she had already claimed of me…a poet…a writer…I fell back into the comfort of this calling…words…I escaped through the words of a story…I calculated the words from another’s mouth…I practiced over and over until my penmanship was perfected because I loved words and the way they took a life of their own on a page…my mother was a lover of words too I suppose.  Although she’d often comment how her writing was intolerably cruel for the reader to decipher as the scribbling she owned resembled a foreign language, she still fostered a love of them by quizzing my brother and I every chance she got.  She’d read to us often.  My choice was to have the books read at least twice before I could go to sleep. She always happily obliged.  Only later would I realize why she did it anyway despite how tired she had been of the story itself and how exhausted she’d been herself.

No Regrets

I had planned to see her yesterday, but…

Just but…the excuses don’t matter now…I know I’ll see her again…I’m glad that I understand God’s plan and that I don’t have the guilt of “what if” to deal with anymore.

So even now, I choose to honor her by the good she did, she was, and the good she intended.  There’s no need to say goodbye so I’ll just say, “See you later, mama!”

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Gone for now, but never forgotten!

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Public figure or a Private failure?

In James 3:5-12, we are reminded how the tongue, though physically small compared with other members of the body, has the potential to level a forest as if it were fire. Essentially, when we are not careful to think before we speak, we can cause a lot of damage.

Also, if we don’t think of the impact our words have on those around us including family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers, we run the risk of creating a toxic domino effect with one spark.   So contrary to popular opinion, sticks and stones may break bones, but words can hurt just as much.

So I’ve got a question for you.  “What are your kids learning from your words? In public? In private?

The phrases, “She gets that from her momma” or “He’s just like his daddy,” have been used for years and will likely be used for years to come when the inevitable comparison is made between a parent and a child. As endearing as these phrases could be when referencing one’s likeness, the sentiment behind the comments are usually far from positive.

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That said, it is important for us as Christians to be extremely careful of the things we release into the atmosphere. I haven’t always been so careful.  I thought I’d been doing pretty good lately…well, at least the last few weeks or so only to be bombarded with an “oops, I had done it over and over again hadn’t I?

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What a difference a day makes!

Well, yesterday, after church I was in a great mood. The sun was out and it was a lovely 68 degrees in January!  Regardless, the beautiful weather didn’t curb my kids’ desire to argue though.  This constant debating seemed to be their new norm.  I say new, but I suppose it’s been a constant competition between them for at least three years.  I have learned to just tune it out somewhat.

The thing is that while they debate often, they had only recently begun doing so in public.  This struck me so I just asked, “I’m just wondering did you all learn anything about love, forgiveness, or compromise in church today?  I mean you all just came out the door and you all are arguing like nothing happened.”  I said it calmly to which my son replied, “I wonder the same about you all the time.”

Shut Down!!!

The pride of my past would have easily made me set him straight, but in all honesty he’d set me straight and he didn’t do it disrespectfully.  He was just stating his thoughts…His truth…What He knew of me in times past behind closed doors…my short temper and the anger because I couldn’t cope with the stress of single motherhood…not to mention the issues with unforgiveness I’d held onto for so long…

Well, this morning Joyce Meyer’s broadcast set my mind further on edge because I knew that I had been grieving the Holy Spirit by acting one way at church and in public while flipping the script at home….yet as quickly as I almost condemned myself for mistakes I’d made…I was reminded of Romans 7:21-25.

I know that I have a long way to go in re-teaching my children the ways that they should go, but I’m thankful God allowed me to dig up the bitter roots of my past so I can start leading by example in public and in private from now on.

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Am I a racist? I don’t see dead people, but I do see color.

So insightful…I appreciate the honesty…This post made me realize how easily the messages bred behind closed doors impact our children and the world around us.

Revisit the Vision

I’m convinced! Whoever invented the snooze button on alarm clocks obviously had a diabolical purpose, one I have succumbed too for many years sadly. In fact, I did it this morning.  Thankfully I only hit it twice…well maybe it was three times…

I was weak!!!

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Well now that I’ve had my coffee I can honestly say that I hate that doggone thing! That said, my mission today is  to simply leaving you a little reminder on how to deal with this pesky little invention.

Simply Put:

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Stop Snoozing Your Gift!!!

Yes, You!!!

Think about those things that you can do so easily and how others who cannot marvel at your ability to do so. You might even find yourself amazed that you can do it.  That, my friend is a gift from God.

Now, every child of God is endowed with at least one gift while many others are equipped with multiple ones so I have a question for you?

What are you doing with it?  With them?

I’ll be transparent a moment.

For years I did nothing with mine.  I figured what I had was just “talent”. There was a time I even considered one of my gifts a curse.  For instance, I have this awesome ability to pinpoint typos immediately….Editor’s eye…I suppose, but I now consider my eagle eye a gift because though that example is natural, it aligns with what God has given me in that my “spiritual” vision soars beyond my “right now.” Better yet, I also possess the gift to encourage others to not just take that next step, but to keep walking.

The problem I had before was that I almost allowed  naysayers convince me that I had no business doing anything differently…like dreaming…like walking in a vision too big  for most to imagine.   But see that’s the beauty of how God works, He equips his children with gifts that are literally meant to change the world and all He asked is that you have faith to make it happen.

I’ve watched God do some pretty awesome things in my life over the years and in the lives of others but when I found myself drafting outlines for books and design plans for a publishing company years ago, I allowed the lies of the enemy distract me from that tug.  I allowed the reality of my bank account coax me into forgetting that nothing is impossible for God.

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I’m so glad for God’s grace to literally begin again….not just beginning books or plans for my publishing company or even gathering interviews for my upcoming e-zine….His grace really had indeed been sufficient for the things I’d been through and I know that He will see me through this process as well.

The doors that have opened and the Kingdom connections I’ve experienced in just the passed few days is proof of His plan.

I could say that I became speechless, but God’s too good for me to clam up and not boast about His goodness.  He is El Roi:  The God who sees”

Let me tell you…in 2014, you might have had it bad because by all accounts I know I did, but one thing that sustained me is that inkling of hope that things had to get better.

The irony is that had I not gone through the trials and the depression, I would have never tapped into the original source of my discontentment.  I would have never had the courage to cry out to the Lord for guidance to help me to forgive my mother.  I would have never had the opportunity to truly honor her role as mother regardless of what she did or did not do when I was a child.  I was able to grasp God’s perspective of her and myself.  I was able to completely pack up that baggage of guilt and shame that had me tied down for nearly twenty years.  I’m so much lighter and better for it!  My smile is genuine all the time now and I’m looking forward to its permanence no matter what comes my way because I know God always has my best interest in  mind.

That said, given this lightened load, I now have the confidence to load my plate with the things that matter…the things that I should have been focused upon years ago…my writing…my encouragement…my publishing…my ministry…well, I guess blog family, you’ll be the first to know that I’m working on four books simultaneously!!!

Ecclesiastes 5 English Standard Version 

Fear God

[a] Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. [b] Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words.

When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you[c] into sin, and do not say before the messenger[d] that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity;[e] but[f] God is the one you must fear.

While it seems a bit daunting, when the idea dropped in my spirit to do that, I immediately recalled that nothing is impossible with God, so I’m going with God on this. Furthermore, I understand why I’ve always been a constant multi-tasker. My Father reminded me this morning of this scripture that I want to leave you with:

John 4:35 English Standard Version 

35 Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.

Essentially, before I realized again all that God put me on this earth to do for His glory, I assumed that one person couldn’t do that much…more aptly…that I was not worthy of being that person.  Yet, again…He led me to Jesus’ example…one man…one purpose…literally saved the world.

So blog family, I encourage you to begin seeing your problems as steps to His goal for your life.  Stop thinking you have all day or that you need a little more time to laze the day away because though the option to snooze your gifts is available, pressing it doesn’t really give you more rest.  Rather, those few extra minutes, hours, days, or even years only give you just enough shut eye to make you restless and weary because you find that when you finally get the nerve to get up and get going, you’ve wasted the time that could have been spent in a more productive way.

No task is too big for God so know that He understood exactly what He was doing when He decided to choose YOU to pull it off.  All He asks is that you do what you can and that you trust that He already has done the rest.

inhishands

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Ladies, Know Your Worth

It’s time to change the rules of engagement!

When I worked at a major fine jewelry chain several years ago, most days I was confronted with a myriad of emotions directly related to the comments made by perspective clients.  The ones that really got my attention and yes on my nerves were those who were cheap!!!

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Trust, I tried to figure out a way around using that word, but I really couldn’t gather another one that would fit so there it is….CHEAP!!!

Well, notice I said that I worked at a FINE JEWELRY establishment…that meant that the merchandise there was behind a protective case for a reason. Its value was well worth the price and it was secured because it was not meant for just “anybody” to have access to it.

Yet, time and time again, I was met with countless “eye-buyers!”

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If you have ever worked in retail for commission, I’m sure you understand my frustration.

But honestly, it wasn’t solely based on the shopper’s inability to buy the merchandise; it was their attitude in the process.

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I’m a visionary so I’m quick to go into a store and “prepare for my future.”  I may not have a dime in my pocket, but I know what I like and I know what God said I can have so I don’t have a problem acknowledging what I can’t afford, YET!!!!

In fact, I did it a few weeks ago!  Yes the earrings I saw were $2K and I don’t know how I’m going to get them, but those diamond hoops are definitely in my near future. After all I am the daughter of a King!  Why wouldn’t I anticipate the best?

Well, I didn’t always believe that.  In fact, just a few months back I had begun to forget God’s grace.  Yet, doesn’t He have a lovely way of reminding us of His faithfulness?

Sure He does!

Since then, I have decided that no matter what I face, I will keep an attitude of expectation because I know GREAT EXPECTATIONS LEAD TO GREAT RESULTS!!!

I know my Heavenly Father adores me and He always wants what’s best for me. Granted I’ve been delayed from some of the things I want and I was a bit upset initially, but now I know I’m safer in His will.  Even still, He graciously reminds me all the time that He never breaks a promise.

As it happens, just the other day when a cloud of doubt tried to crop up, a car got in front of me with the license plate TRUSTME

Also, this morning I was on autopilot as I was singing and praising and drove right by my son’s school.  I decided that no matter what I would not be disturbed by the trivial anymore.  After I dropped him off, a car got in front of me with PRZ GOD.  I continued and later saw W84ME.  Each time I know God knew what I’d been wondering and almost worried about.  Still He lovingly assured me of His presence and His favor by the little things I tend to notice that others might not.  I know in His eyes I’m priceless and I’ve learned to see myself the same way.

That said, it saddens me to see so many of my sisters not see themselves as such. Instead of the fearfully and wonderfully made creatures God made them to be, they sulk under the misguided interpretation that because they have made mistakes or that their picture doesn’t match the photo-shopped images in magazines that they are worthless.

They complain about attracting the wrong guys and not having any luck in relationships, but the real problem is that they haven’t acknowledged the standard in place so they can receive God’s best.

I shared that same plight at one time and I’m determined never to measure my self-worth by past mistakes, ill-perceived flaws, and definitely not by what anyone else thinks or says because God’s shared a secret with me that all His daughters can claim.

God endowed me with

Proverbs 31:10 Amplified Bible (AMP)

10 A capable, intelligent, and [a]virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

Ladies, regardless of past mistakes, even if it was last night I suggest you consider yourself fine jewelry=secure, worth the investment, and the real thing because to God you too are priceless to allow just anyone to handle you.  
©2015 Nadia Davis.  All Rights Reserved.

Be Decisive About Your Destiny

Just say no…to the promotion????  So the other day I declined a promotion I’d been vying for since last September.
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I prayed about my decision that morning and the days prior.  I knew the extra money would help considering the financial struggles I faced last year, but I just didn’t have peace with saying yes.
I suppose I’ve always known I was meant to be a leader so opting to follow again is starting to get old.
I planned to request a meeting with those involved so that I could clarify my intentions face to face, yet the moment the issue came across my mind last Thursday, I received an email from the trainer wondering why I had abruptly stopped my training a few weeks prior.
Immediately I began this response:
 
Thank you for checking in with me. I was just about to get in touch with you in person.  However, since you’ve contacted me I suppose I should share this via email instead.  It pains me to tell you that I will not be able to complete the training as I don’t have peace with the transition.
 
While I love the prospect of helping people and even mentoring people, at heart I’m a writer and advocate for those torn by domestic violence so while I am working in ministry here, I know that God has called me to do more with my gifts.
 
While I will continue to do my duties here for now, I can no longer allow my time to be divided from what I vowed to God long ago.  I am currently working on other projects related to my ministry that demand my immediate attention.  I’m sorry for not letting you know sooner, but I wanted to be sure I was making the right decision.  I’ve prayed about it and I am very sure that this decision is God’s will.
 
Please know that I am eternally grateful for your consideration, but I must respectfully decline the opportunity and be obedient to the Father.
Blessings, 
Nadia Davis

That response sat in my inbox as a draft for the entire weekend.  I pressed send Monday morning after receiving confirmation from my pastor’s sermon as well as the following scriptures I came across the other morning:

1 Kings 19:13-15 New King James Version (NKJV)

13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

14 And he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”

15 Then the Lord said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria.

Until I’d read those words, I hadn’t consciously decided that my time at this ministry would come to a close so soon.  Yet, the more I thought of the assignments I’d be given and the tasks that would be required of me, the more out of place I felt.

I pondered whether I would state in that email that I would not be there much longer, but I didn’t include it.  I wasn’t being honest with myself or with my employer.  Yet, a mere day after sending it, there I was in my one on one meeting spouting it off without warning.

“This time next year, I will not be here.  I’m working on four books!”

My immediate supervisor acknowledged that he wasn’t surprised by my email and was glad that I could focus on one thing…then reiterated the need to prioritize appropriately. I’m grateful to have encountered such Godly people at work considering the wireless inferno I had been imprisoned in before being blessed to work at the ministry.

I admit, I’m nervous about where God is taking me.  I truly feel like Abraham…going to an unknown place with faith as my guide.  Yet, since He designed my destiny before I was formed in my mother’s womb,  I’m sure I can trust Him to get me there. Regardless from now on I’m determined to be decisive about my destiny!

 

Be Decisive of the Company You Keep

A person’s behavior is greatly influenced by the company he or she keeps.  That said, are you in the company of foolishness? Well, if you’re not sure, you may want to seriously consider the following info.

For the record, I’m no exception to this advice. Before I knew better I intentionally kept company with fools! Yes, I said and meant intentionally. I have a big heart so I’m drawn to the wounded in hopes of helping them see things differently.

The Day the Dam Broke

I was in a department store with her and I was shopping for my kids. Well, as we walked through the store, she kept commenting about a lot of items she liked, but then she’d immediately commented that she either couldn’t fit or couldn’t afford them.  And I mean it wasn’t  like, “Ooh, that’s a little expensive for me right now!” It was more like,

“Ooh, girl, I can’t fit any of this stuff I’m so fat!”

“Ooh, girl, I’m so broke.  I need a job!”

I tried to be positive as long as I could by suggesting that the Lord will make a way and offering to even workout with her. It wasn’t long before I was completely irked!

I usually can filter myself so much better…

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Granted, she’d been out of work for a while, but I’d been out of work for ten months prior myself and God kept me! I never went without!  She serves the same God I do so I couldn’t understand why she had such a barrier to His greatness!

The wheels were churning…

Then she started making comments about her “future husband this and her future husband that”

For the record, she was single.

I know all about calling things that be not as though they are, but I found my mind mingling with some not so Christian words and actions with every word she spoke.

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G she uttered had absolutely no hope.

I was drained!!!!  Ugh-oh for her!!!

Finally, I’d had it!

“You’re so negative, you get on my nerves! Can you say anything positive?”

It was out! I’d said it. Oops, I’ll repent later.

Now of course, our little discussion did not end there.  In fact, our little “discussion” ended with tears…hers not mine.  She was obviously angry with a lot more than what she’d voiced at the store.

Now before you think that I’m heartless, I didn’t drop our friendship on that note. Instead I laid it by the wayside, on this one: Proverbs 22:24-25

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered,  or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. (NLV)

Now I’m still very cordial; but I’ve just learned to distance myself.images (30)

Why?  Is one little incident worth a break in a relationship with someone you’ve known a while?

Well, yes, this incident got on my nerves, but it wasn’t this alone that had me convinced to call it quits! Rather, my reaction to the incident made me realize that I’d been stuffing my feelings and I was about to implode!  It was a wake up call.

Over the next few days, I’d begun to examine my own behavior.  I was faced with an ugliness about myself. I’d recalled how cynical I’d become about work, my children, my love-life, and really life in general.

I suppose I hadn’t realized the detriment that this person was having on my life and personality until I went off.

After checking myself, I realized that she could do no better because she expected no better….that great expectations lead to great results…that she was not on my level!!! So I had no choice but to leave her where she stood.

I had to make a choice to let the friendship go. So yes, our contact thinned considerably, but not before I’d gotten to the point where I dreaded a phone call, a text or anything from her.

I can see why some men get irritated with “needy” women, but imagine that to the nth degree for just a friend!!!!

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The bible has a lot to say about foolish friends.

Take note of the following verses:

Stay away from fools, for you will not find knowledge on their lips.  The prudent understand where they are going, but fools deceive themselves.

Proverbs 14:7-8

Wealth is a crown for the wise; the effort of fools yields only foolishness.

Proverbs 14:24

Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster. The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble.

Proverbs 17:19-20

Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.  People ruin their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.

Proverbs 19:3

I’d only really known this person about a few years prior so yes, it doesn’t take long for a little bit of poison to create a very toxic situation.

Seriously, my heart bleeds for those who are hurting because I breathe to make people see the brighter side of life.  I’m an optimist so I can’t really help it sometimes.

However, this former friend was so angry with life that her negative attitude was contagious. Before I knew it, I was seeing things from a glass half empty point of view myself instead of influencing her to see my perspective as I originally planned.

I knew when I met her that her faith was not as strong as mine, but I had every intention of allowing some of my “spiritual umph” rub off on her.  Only in reality, the more time I spent with her the more I mirrored the foolish things she did and said.

I tried my hand at evangelism I guess…images (32)

The Bottom Line-

There comes a time when you’ve got to realize that you cannot make people who you want them to be.  I mean I truly wanted to remain friends, but in the end I was discouraged and drained by her presence.

Ultimately, it was never my responsibility to “make her”choose to be who God created her to be so yes, I learned to let go and let God handle her.

Perhaps you might have found yourself in a similar situation with a friend or significant other.  I just suggest that you take some time to really examine your circle of friends and consider who is meant to be there beyond tomorrow.  Be honest with yourself.  At times we even may have to leave childhood friends behind because they’re not willing to catch up to where we’re headed.

Pray about it and then do something about it.  It may be a soul shocking experience to detach from the familiarity of some relationships, but as you mature in your walk with Christ, you will realize that like Him, the many that may have started the journey with you are either not willing or able to remain with you beyond the cross.

So what’s this girl to do?

For my sanity and yours, in the words of late , great Teddy P, “I think I better let it go!”

©2015 Nadia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

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