Since the temps dipped, the mornings’ cold air slapped me with two realities today. One: winter is almost here and Two: I’d almost given up before I’d arrived at my destination.
To put it nicely, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. To put it plainly, I went into rampage mother mode this morning and left my “shoes of peace” conveniently tucked at my bedside. Granted, I’ve repented since then, yet, when you add sleep deprivation to disarray in my home and top it off with ungrateful teenaged sighs, it’s pretty guaranteed that you’ll create a monster! I suppose I was on the “Hyde” side of things–in short, I was not my best!
I’m sure that everything that could have gone wrong actually did. Only, there was one common denominator in all these wrongs of my morning. ME!!!! Yes, it was not my circumstance, my kids’ attitidues, or their laziness, but I was the only common thread right in the middle of the mayhem! I was out of order. And wouldn’t you know it, just when I realized how completely useless my morning rant had been I almost felt sorry for myself because I hadn’t lived up to that “Supermom” image that every single mother covets!
For the 5 minutes or so I sulked–okay it was really more like 4 hours—but anyway….This is what the enemy had me mulling over>>>>>>
I’d failed my children by oversleeping and not having breakfast ready.
I’d failed myself because I hadn’t kept it together.
I’d failed God because I just had not been Christ-like in any way, shape, or form all morning.
I’d allowed all the negative emotions that I’d promised to let go back in somehow. I say somehow, but I know full well just how it happened.
Thankfully, after a cup of coffee, I grabbed my bible. I was hoping to look up something about Freedom when the Lord placed the title of this post on my heart. What I found was 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 where Paul addressed the church about the hardships he’d endured:
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers (sisters), so that we despaired even of our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
After reading this, the only reason I can give as to why tears hadn’t drenched my face is because I cried so many internally that I depleted my reserve.
The Lord had already attempted to reassure me that His grace is sufficient. As the caffeine took its toll, with every sip I remembered a little more of what He’d been saying. I recalled that as drove in the freezing rain Creflo Dollar had been spouting off about being so busy dealing with guilt that we fail to realize that we can’t earn God’s grace. Yes, people, I heard what was said, but I had not been listening.
My point… I hadn’t applied effort to understand what had been said.
I had a long list in my head of what “I needed to do to “change” my situation, my children, and virtually everything around me.” Basically, I’d left God out of the equation. I’d failed to pray because I’d taken on a lot in the last few days. I was angry and I let everyone in my home know it every chance I got. I was tired of picking up after my children who seemed to care less about what I did for them. I felt defeated. Yet, since I obviously missed the point God had been attempting to get me to understand with Creflo, He obliged me directly in His word. How grateful I am for the influence and the reminder. I realize that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change anything apart from God.
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